


If it's torn we can stitch it up

by ifzi0531



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Based on/inspired by The O.C, Break Up, California setting, Drama, M/M, Makeup, Mention of Child Abuse, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, Smut, mention of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:49:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4805099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall shifts his feet nervously. He still doesn’t know if this is the right decision but he stares back at the small name card in his hand. “Hi, it’s Niall. The one from juvie. You gave me your card, and asked me to call you if I ever needed your help.” </p><p>“Hi, Niall! What can I do for you? Are you in trouble again?” </p><p>Niall shakes his head like he always does when people are asking him questions. It’s what he does, giving them non-verbal answers. But then he realizes he’s talking through the phone, so he speaks out loud again. “I-,” Niall trails off, tightening his grip on the phone. He stares at the ground, hoping that the ground would swallow him. “My mum kicked me out of the house.” </p><p>or </p><p>The Orange County (O.C) AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it's torn we can stitch it up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> So you requested for, "anything post-break up, meeting each other after a while and realizing they’re perfect together/miss each other after a whole great deal of angst and drama with the backstory of why they broke up and focus on the emotional aspect of it."
> 
> I don't know if you have watched The O.C (it was a tv series back in 2003), but this is basically based on the show (with plot twist of course). I put links for some scenes that I used in this story in the end notes (for no spoiler purpose). I don't know if this is good enough, but I hope this story suffice your prompt! xx 
> 
> I have lots of people to thanks for their help/contribution in finishing this story. Big thanks to Kayla ([narrymusings](http://narrymusings.tumblr.com/)) and Gabriela ([beetheauxven](http://beetheauxven.tumblr.com/)) for correcting my grammar mistakes and making sure that my words are understandable enough to read. :D 
> 
> Big thanks to Amanda ([butterflytattoohaz](http://butterflytattoohaz.tumblr.com/)) for the smut scenes. And lastly thanks to a kind and sweet anonymous who helped me with the final proofread last week and sending me a very courageous message. :)
> 
> Anyway, the title is taken from [James Bay - If You Ever Want to be in Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcoknLRq3w8)

Niall dials the number with a shaky hand, his other hand’s gripping the receiver tightly against his ear, trying to calm himself down despite a rapid pounding inside his chest. He hears the dial tone and contemplates whether this is the right move because, honestly, he doesn’t know what else to do. He has already called everyone he knows, asking if he can crash for a day or two, but they all said no and even though it stings, Niall understands their reasons. It’s not easy for them to let a friend crash at their house, especially if they’re living in the same run-down neighborhood as Niall’s. 

He gazes at his old rusty bicycle, leaning against the telephone booth and swallows a big lump in his throat whilst trying his best to blink back tears. Now is really not the time to cry. 

“Hello?” 

Niall’s stupor breaks when he hears the voice on the other line of the phone. He clears his throat before he speaks, “Hello, Mr. Twist?” 

“Yes, Mr. Twist speaking. Who’s on the line?” 

Niall shifts his feet nervously. He still doesn’t know if this is the right decision but he stares back at the small name card in his hand. “Hi, it’s Niall. The one from juvie. You gave me your card, and asked me to call you if I ever needed your help.” 

“Hi, Niall! What can I do for you? Are you in trouble again?” 

Niall shakes his head like he always does when people are asking him questions. It’s what he does, giving them non-verbal answers. But then he realizes he’s talking through the phone, so he speaks out loud again. “I-,” Niall trails off, tightening his grip on the phone. He stares at the ground, hoping that the ground would swallow him. “My mum kicked me out of the house.” 

 

*****

 

_“I’m your big brother and if I don’t teach you this, who will?” Greg asked as Niall trailed after him towards the shadier area of the neighborhood._

_Niall glanced around, following Greg silently, putting his hands in his pockets. He never asked any questions at all. It’s not unusual for him to follow Greg around, he’s done it since they were kids, but not like this. Never in his teenage life had Greg asked Niall to follow him to do something with him. And although Greg didn’t tell him what exactly they were going to do, Niall was content enough to at least be spending some time with his brother._

_Niall followed his brother until they stopped beside a car in the parking lot near a building. It wasn’t a new shiny car, but Niall could tell from the plate number that it was new enough. He was about to ask Greg what exactly they were doing there, when Greg grinned at Niall, brought up the small steel rod in his hand and swung it slightly. Before Niall knew it, the driver’s side window was shattered._

_Niall jumped a bit to avoid the shattered glass and his eyes widened as he watched Greg start to open the car door and slide into the driver’s seat. “Greg, what the hell are you doing?” Niall asked, starting to panic as he realized what was happening. Greg brought him along to steal a car and Niall cursed his brother mentally._

_“Don’t be a bitch! Get in! Come on, let’s go!” Greg hissed from the driver’s side and Niall grunted but he moved towards the passenger side anyway. He was about to open the door when he saw a patrol car near the intersection at the end of the road. Niall’s eyes widened, and before he knew it, the patrol car stopped and started to steer towards their spot instead. Greg bellowed at him to come inside and Niall felt like he was on autopilot as Greg started to drive. Niall glanced at the rear view mirror and his heart was about to jump out of his throat when the patrol car started to chase them._

_Beside him, Greg was hollering, laughing like a maniac, and for once Niall couldn’t help but think that his brother had gone crazy. Who laughed when the freaking police were hot on their heels?_

_Niall’s panic rose when he saw another patrol car coming towards them from the other direction, and instead of one, now they had two cars chasing them. He cursed Greg out loud and started to regret his decision to come out tonight. He should’ve stayed home as usual, or hung with Zayn and Amy._

_“Greg, look out!” Niall yelled when Greg swerved to the side to avoid one of the patrol cars - but as if it wasn’t unlucky enough for Niall to be chased by the cops, the car crashed into a pole and they were trapped inside. Niall glanced up, only to be met with the gaze of a policeman hovering near the driver’s side window._

_“Hands up! Put your hands up!” The police yelled as they pointed their guns at both Greg and Niall. “You both are under arrest!”_  
  
“I told you, you could do worse.” 

Niall glances up, only to see a standing man staring down at him. It reminds Niall so much of the first time he met the man at juvie. 

_“Niall. Robin Twist. The court has appointed me as your public defender,” the man introduced himself. Niall just shrugged and took a seat in front of the suited man. “You could do worse,” Robin told him. Again, Niall shrugged slightly and tuned him out, because to be honest, he didn’t feel like talking to the man at all._

_“You okay? They’re treating you alright?” Robin asked and Niall couldn’t give a damn, as he stared blankly at the man._

_“Where’s my brother?” He demanded, steeling his gaze towards Robin._

_“Ah, Greg is over eighteen, he stole a car, was involved in a couple of fights, endangered the public, and he had some illegal substances with him when he was caught - so I’m guessing right now Greg is looking at 3 to 5 years behind bars,” he replied, staring at Niall. “But Greg’s not my concern, you are. This is your first time in lock up and I’m assuming you’re not planning on coming back,” he told Niall. Niall just rolled his eyes, only half-heartedly listening to Robin’s words._

_Niall watched as Robin started to flip open a folder in front of him. “Your grades are not great, suspended twice for fighting, truancy three times-,” he trailed off, pausing slightly before he glanced up to look at Niall again, “your test score is 98% on your SATs, but your attendance is poor. Are you thinking about college?”_

_Niall snorted, smirking slightly as he stared at Robin. The answer was obvious and the man clearly understood as he shook his head. “Have you given any thought at all about your future?” he asked and Niall remained silent. He didn’t want to say anything about his life, especially to a stranger that he just met, despite whether he was a decent person or not. Niall’s life was his own and nobody was allowed to know about it. “Look, I can call plead down to a misdemeanor and you’d probably be on probation, but listen to this, stealing a car because your brother told you to, it’s stupid and it’s weak and those are two things you can’t afford to be anymore.”_

_“Yeah, two more things?” Niall snapped sarcastically, glaring at the man who thought that he knew Niall better than anyone. Rich people; they were all the same._

_Robin shook his head, “You want to change that? Then get over the fact that your life is a bad one. I get it Niall, you and I, we were cut on the same deck. I grew up with no money in the bad part of the Bronx, my father was gone, my mother worked all the time, I was pissed off and I was stupid.”_

_“And look at you now,” Niall quipped._

_“Smart kid like you, you gotta have a plan - some kind of a dream.”_

_Niall snorted again, tilting his head up slightly to glance at Robin, “yeah, right,” he said sarcastically. “Let me tell you something,” he said, leaning forward, trying to get Robin to understand and listen to his point, “from where I am, having a dream doesn’t make you smart. Knowing it won’t come true, that does.”_

 

*****

 

Niall doesn’t even remember entering the car, but he remembers swatting Robin’s hand away from the bruise on his cheekbone. 

“You can call me Robin,” he says and Niall just shrugs, not saying anything as he leans his head against the window. 

_”I’m so tired of this, Niall.”_

_“I’m sorry, mom.”_

_His mother shook her head, gulping down the drink in her hand, and pointed at the door with one of her fingers, “I want you out of my house, I want you out.”_

_Niall’s eyes widened, “But mom, where am I going to go?”_

_“You heard your mother, man. Get your stuff and get out.”_

_Niall glared at the man on the couch, “Hey, this isn’t your house, man,” he spat out, pissed off with his mother’s current boyfriend._

_The man abruptly stood up, moving closer towards Niall, towering over him, “What, you’re a tough guy now?”_

_“A.J, don’t,” Niall heard his mother plead, “Niall, just get out.”_

_Niall ignored his mother, too angry to listen and he puffed his chest towards A.J, “Why don’t you worry about your own kids, A.J? Instead of freeloading off my mom,” Niall spat._

_Niall should’ve had seen it coming but he was still fired up when he felt his left cheek start to sting as A.J punched him. He gritted his teeth and tried to fight back but A.J was bigger than him. He punched Niall’s other cheek and Niall stumbled to the ground. Part of him hated himself for being so weak around the bigger man, but another part of him hated his mother for letting it happen without doing anything._

_A.J grabbed Niall’s arm, dragging him towards his room and practically throwing him on the floor. Niall huffed angrily as he grabbed his backpack that had been lying around on the floor and started to throw some of the scattered clothes from the floor into it._

_Ten minutes later, Niall was already on the road riding his bike, completely lost about where to go. Usually he would find Greg and they would at least find some place to crash, but Greg was still in jail and at the moment Niall was completely alone._

“Here we are, kid.” Robin announces and Niall breaks out of his stupor. He squints his eyes, snorting as he stares at the big house - _mansion_ compared to Niall’s home - and of course, the man lives in a mansion, who is Niall kidding? 

 

*****

 

Niall trails after Robin silently, trying his best to act casually although deep inside he can feel his nervousness shooting through the roof. The moment he enters the house, he knows that he won’t ever belong there. The interiors are so elegant, it screams rich everywhere and so _completely_ opposite to Niall’s life. 

“Can you wait here for a moment? I need to talk to my wife for a bit,” Robin says and Niall nods silently. 

It’s almost comical how Robin is having doubts about leaving him alone in the hallway, and for some reason Niall can’t help to blurt out, “It’s not like I can run very far if I’m stealing something from here.” 

Robin opens his mouth to say something, but Niall quickly shakes his head, waving him off, “Go talk to your wife.” 

Once Robin leaves, Niall takes a chance to wander around the long hallway. He snorts at some paintings on the wall, because honestly, why would rich people decorate their house with unnecessary paintings? Niall can’t help but wonder how much all the decorations in the hallway cost. He starts to turn around, no longer wanting to see the rest of the decorations, when he bumps into someone, making him stumble backwards but the person catches his arm before he can fall down. 

“Whoa, careful there.” 

Niall looks up, only to see a boy who is looking at Niall with an amused smirk on his face. Niall quickly recovers, shaking his head and wriggles his arm out of the boy’s grip. However, before he can say anything, the boy beats him to it. “Who are you?” he asks, staring at Niall with wide eyes full of curiosity. 

Niall can’t stop staring at the boy, quite mesmerized by the sheer beauty of him, and he thinks he might faint when he sees a trace of dimples on the boy’s cheeks. Niall’s mind clicks, suddenly remembering how Robin had told him in the car that he has a son who’s older than Niall. He recovers quickly from his blatant staring and clears his throat, “Whoever you want me to be.” 

The boy chuckles, rolling his eyes at Niall and Niall can’t help but smirk, happy that he can elicit such a response from the boy. Before Niall can say anything else, he sees Robin and a woman who must be his wife coming towards him and the boy. 

“I see you two have met,” Robin says, smiling at both Niall and the boy. “Niall, this is my son, Harry,” he introduces, squeezing Harry’s shoulder slightly, “and this is my wife, Anne.”

“Hi Harry,” Niall nods at him before turns to nod at Anne, “hi, Mrs. Twist,” he says politely. He knows by the way people at look at him that they won’t expect that kind of politeness and Niall knows his parents haven’t really taught him but he knows a thing or two about behaving in front of nice people. And by one look at Anne, he knows that she’s a nice, fine woman. 

 

*****

 

“So, this is the pool house, you can sleep here for the weekend,” Anne says, hovering at the door, while Niall steps into the space, admiring the size of the _freaking_ pool house. It’s like twice the size of his house back home and yet again it baffles Niall how rich these people are. He was only looking for a place to crash for the weekend, and apparently he got lucky by calling Robin earlier. At least he can sleep on a comfortable bed for one or two nights. 

“Thanks for letting me stay here for the weekend.” Niall stares at Anne, who’s crossing her arms over her chest, staring at Niall warily. Niall knows he should be offended but truthfully he’s not. Somehow, he understands the cold reception that he’s getting from Anne at the moment. Nobody likes a thug in their house, especially in _this_ kind of house. 

Anne nods, clasping her hands, but doesn’t make a move to step inside the pool house with Niall. Instead she hovers near the door. “There are towels and toiletries in the toilet and if you need anything you can call Rosa to get it for you from the main house.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows, “Rosa?” he asks confusingly. 

“The maid,” Anne explains simply and Niall nods. Of course they have a maid. 

“Alright, thanks again,” Niall says gratefully while stifling his yawn when he feels his eyes start to become heavy, too tired after the events that had happened, but he doesn’t want to be rude in front of Anne. 

“You can take a nap if you want to,” Anne says, “dinner’s at 6 in the main house, so I guess I’ll see you later,” she adds, before turning around and leaving Niall alone in the pool house. 

Niall drops his backpack on the floor near the big bed at the center of the pool house, sighing contently as he plops down on the comfy mattress without even bothering to clean himself up. 

 

*****

 

Niall wakes up with bleary eyes, struggling to sit up. For a moment he glances around in confusion when he notices that he’s definitely not in his room. He yawns slightly, and as his mind starts to work, he remembers all the events of the previous day. He sighs, plopping back on the bed and can’t help but stuff his face into the fluffy pillow. Yesterday was tiring but surprisingly, or _not_ surprisingly, sleeping on the comfortable bed did wonders; he feels more refreshed than ever.

A few minutes later, Niall forcefully drags himself from the bed towards the bathroom and cleans himself instead of continuing to sleep all day like he used to. After all, it’s not his own room and he doesn’t want to be rude to the host by not showing his face for the whole weekend. 

When Niall opens the door of the pool house, his eyes land on the view that he can see from the patio and he can’t help but stare in amazement. He can see a few houses at a distance along the coast, similar to the one he is in. He steps further, eyes squinting slightly against the bright light from the sun as his gaze lands on the vast blue ocean. He falls in love with the view instantly. The sound of the waves falls gently into his ears and that’s the best sound that Niall has ever heard in his life. 

Niall spends a few minutes capturing the view before he decides to walk towards the main house. He opens the glass door and the first person he finds is Harry, who’s draped lazily across the couch watching the television. Harry must’ve heard him as he turns his head to look at Niall. 

“Hey, welcome to the land of living,” Harry smiles at Niall, showing off his dimples like yesterday and for a moment Niall is blindsided by Harry’s smile. “We tried to wake you up for dinner last night, but you looked so exhausted so dad said to just let you sleep.”

Niall smiles sheepishly, although part of him is mad at himself for being vulnerable in a stranger’s house. “It’s okay,” he says, but at the same moment his stomach starts to growl and betrays him. Niall can feel the heat rising towards his cheeks when Harry chuckles at the sound. 

“Ah, let’s get some breakfast, shall we?” Harry says, standing up from the couch. He beckons for Niall to follow him. “Mom and dad went out for some work things, so I guess we’ll just have to do a simple breakfast.” 

Niall follows Harry’s trail silently, still not knowing how to act around the other boy. Not that he doesn’t have friends but Zayn and Amy are different than Harry. Plus, they don’t really talk much when they hang out; they usually end up just enjoying each other’s company. But Harry, he makes Niall feel uncertain on how to start a conversation with him. So Niall keeps silent, eyes roaming around as he walks past the dining room. They reach a big kitchen, with another dining table in the space. Large glass windows surround the room much like the walls of the pool house. Through the kitchen walls, Niall can see the pool house and he can’t help but smile at the sight. It’s a beautiful sight, and Niall thinks everything about this house is breathtaking. 

Harry gestures for Niall to take a seat on the stool and Niall complies, turning his gaze towards Harry when the other boy grabs a pan and turns on an element on the stove. 

“What are you doing?” Niall asks curiously.

Harry turns his head slightly to look at Niall and raises his eyebrows. “Making breakfast,” he says before turning his attention back towards the pan. 

“But I thought your mum said you guys have a maid,” Niall points out, trying to recall what Anne had told him the day before. He was sure that he heard it correctly unless he was dreaming about it. 

Harry grabs a few eggs from the fridge, his back to Niall. “Yeah, but on weekends she’s usually on leave and we always eat out or get food delivery. Or we eat at some event,” he turns, with four eggs in his hand and proceeds to crack them into the bowl. 

Niall watches his movement, nodding. “People have events every weekend?” he asks curiously, wincing slightly at the clattering sound when Harry starts to beat the eggs with a fork. 

Harry nods while walking towards the stove. “Yeah, you’ll be surprised to know that this place has a freaking event for every weekend,” he says, before putting butter in the pan. He waits for it to melt before he adds the eggs from the bowl. 

Niall snorts, “I can’t say I’m surprised,” he mumbles but Harry clearly heard him as the other boy laughs. 

“Yeah, I call it the _dark side,_ ” he grins at Niall. “So, Niall-,” he trails off, “sorry I didn’t catch your last name.” 

“Horan,” Niall provides, raising his eyebrows. “Mr. Twist didn’t tell you anything?” 

Harry shakes his head. “He doesn’t talk about his clients with the family much,” he says, before his eyes widen, “wait, you are his client, right? I’m sorry if I’m wrong-,”

“Yes, I am.” Niall replies, saving Harry from his rambling. “Met him in juvie, he told me he’s my public defender, and yeah-,” Niall stops, not sure how to tell Harry about the reason why he was in juvie at the first place. He’s pretty sure Harry would know from Robin later. 

Harry seems to understand as he turns around to turn off the stove and grabs two plates, one for Niall and one for himself, before sliding the omelettes from the pan. “Here, sorry for the simple breakfast, it’s the only thing I can make,” he tells Niall sheepishly. 

Niall grins, shaking his head slightly, “Nah, it’s okay. Next time, I can teach you how to make pancakes if you want.” 

Niall watches as Harry’s eyes widen excitedly, his face beaming. “That’s so cool. You know, I always wanted to learn how to cook. Who knows, one day I could open up a restaurant and name it, like, ‘Harry Styles Diner’ or something.” 

Niall cocks his eyebrows, “Harry Styles?” 

Harry nods, “Yeah, my name.” 

“Huh? I thought-,” Niall trails off, “but it’s Mr. Twist, and your mum-,” 

Harry smirks, nodding understandingly. “I know, lots of people are confused too. Styles is my biological father’s name. Robin is my step dad, even though he’s more like a real dad to me because he has been with my mom since I was 2 years old. Mum just doesn’t want to cut the ties completely so she agrees to keep my dad’s last name. Plus it’s not like they divorced on bad terms or something. In fact, he’s living in the next town over so I get to see him whenever I want to.”

Niall swallows the bite of his breakfast slowly, listening to Harry’s words. He likes hearing the drawl in Harry’s voice when he talks. “It’s nice,” he comments simply, because what else would he say? 

Harry nods. “But enough about me,” he flails his arms, accidentally knocking off the black pepper bottle and Niall almost chokes on his breakfast from laughing. Harry pouts slightly but he cracks a smile when Niall knocks over the cheddar bottle too as he laughs. “What about you? What do you want to do after this? We have hours to kill for the weekend.” 

Niall stares at Harry, raising his eyebrows. “What do you guys do around here?” 

 

*****

 

Niall inhales the smell of the ocean as he walks beside Harry on the beach with his shoes in his hands. They stroll towards the other end of the coast to get to a place called The Pier, as Harry had told him earlier. 

“Louis is already there, so we need to hurry up before he beats our asses for being late,” Harry tells Niall and he can’t help but raise his eyebrows curiously. 

“Why? Is he a big bulky guy?” Niall asks, and he doesn’t know what is so funny about his question that it makes Harry throw his head back in delightful laughter. It’s like Niall had told him the greatest joke ever. 

“You’ll see,” Harry tells Niall after he sobers up. Niall doesn’t ask any more questions and just enjoys the view of the ocean. He feels an itch to dip his legs in the sea just to test the water. He barely got the chance to go to the pool back home, let alone going to a beach like this. 

They reach a small hut at the end of the beach and find a bunch of people hanging around. They wave their acknowledgements at Harry, while staring at Niall curiously. Niall stares back, his gaze challenging, and some of them turn around to resume their previous activities. But there’s one guy among them who never lets his gaze off of Niall. The guy stands up, brushing off some sand from his shorts before he makes his way towards Harry and Niall. 

“You’re late,” he says to Harry before his gaze lands on Niall again. 

“Sorry Louis, got caught up with the parental before we left,” Harry explains.

So, this must be Louis, Niall thinks to himself. Now he understands why Harry had laughed earlier at his question. Louis, the one who’s standing in front of them, is completely the opposite of a bulky guy. 

“And you are?” Louis asks, curious, but his gaze is piercing and Niall knows the look so well. It’s the same look he gives to someone he doesn’t know well and at that moment, Niall feels instantly connected to Louis without knowing exactly why. 

“Niall Horan,” he says, extending his hand for Louis to shake. 

Louis returns the shake with a firm grip, “Louis Tomlinson.” 

The three of them move to sit in a slightly secluded area from the rest of the people at the pier and Louis and Harry start to chat randomly while Niall stares at the ocean, absorbing the feeling of calmness that he rarely feels anymore, especially since things had started to get worst at home. 

“-right, Niall?”

Niall breaks out of his reverie upon hearing Harry’s voice and he glances to his left only to see two pairs of eyes staring back at him. He clears his throat, “urm, what?” 

Harry smiles at him. “Louis was asking about your age and I told him you’re 16, right?” 

Niall nods, “yeah, in a few months I’ll be 17 though,” he tells both of them. 

“Ah, so young, I’m so jealous,” Louis sighs dramatically. 

Niall watches as Harry punches Louis’s arms playfully. “You fool, you’re only 19 this year. You’re still young too.” 

Louis grins before he stares at Niall. “So, where are you from?” 

“Chino,” Niall answers simply, bracing himself for any comment from Louis when the older guy’s eyes widen. 

“Wow, Chino,” Louis says, whistling slightly. 

“Why? You got a problem with that?” Niall snaps defensively. He knows Chino is the complete opposite to the place where Louis lives but that doesn’t mean that he can say something about it. It’s still Niall’s home after all. 

Louis raises his arms and shakes his head. “Whoa, I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear,” Louis says. Niall stares at him, trying to see whether Louis is telling him the truth or not. There’s no judgement in Louis’ eyes and in fact, he seems in awe as he stares at Niall. Somehow it makes Niall feel warm and for an unknown reason Niall feels the need to get Louis’ approval. It may be because Louis is older and his persona screams “leader”. Or maybe because Louis reminds him of his own brother; small but fierce. At least the version of his brother before everything went spiraling with his family. 

“You just don’t seem as they type of kid from Chino,” Louis comments. “Like, you don’t seem like a badass at all,” he adds. 

Niall shrugs. “Well, I did get caught by the police because I was helping my brother steal a car, so I don’t know exactly what you mean.” 

Louis whistles again, this time his hand reaches Niall’s shoulder, patting it firmly. “That’s it, I think I just found a new partner to play GTA with me. Harry here is no fun, he’s failed at all the games,” he says, earning a loud whine from Harry. 

Niall stares back at Louis in confusion, “GTA?” 

“Yeah, Grand Theft Auto,” Louis nods, “you’ve played it before, right?” 

Niall blinks his eyes, shaking his head. “I-,” he trails off, eyes darting between Harry and Louis, “never?” 

Louis drops his hands, gasping slightly, looking like he has heard the worst news ever judging by the look on his face. “You stole a _real_ car, but you’re telling me that you’ve never played GTA?” Louis asks horrifically, putting his hand over his heart like he can’t accept that answer from Niall. “That’s it, you’re invited to lose your GTA virginity in my house,” he says, standing up and pulling Niall along with him, “as in now.” 

 

*****

 

The weekend passes by quickly and before Niall knows it, he’s already in the car on his way home to Chino. His hand ghosting over something in his pocket - a small phone that Harry had given him earlier as a gift, Harry said, because he doesn’t want to lose touch with Niall. Niall refused at first, thinking that it was too much. Also, he only knew Harry for two days which wasn't enough to warrant such a gift. However, due to Harry’s pout and Louis’ insistence, Niall accepted it.

“Harry told me he gave you a phone, that’s nice. At least next time, you can call us easily,” Robin says and Niall nods, sighing softly.

“He kept insisting. Louis too,” Niall explains. “I told him it’s too expensive for me but he wouldn’t listen.”

Robin chuckles, shaking his head slightly. “That’s Harry for you, it’s hard to say no to him, isn’t it? And when he’s teaming with Louis, those two are unstoppable. Have been since they were kids,” he tells Niall. “But it’s good. I don’t mind either - as long as you don’t sell it or anything,” he teases and that elicits a smile from Niall.

“I won’t,” Niall says simply before he continues gazing towards the view again. 

Niall picks his bike from the boot once they stop in front of his house. He squints his eyes slightly as the metal reflects the bright light from the sun, nodding at Robin who’s standing beside the car. “So thanks, for everything,” Niall says before he moves towards the small gate of his house. When he notices Robin is about to follow him, Niall shakes his head, “it’s okay, I can take it from here.”

Niall drags his bike until he reaches the door, fully aware of Robin’s gaze on his back as the man has still not left, probably waiting until Niall steps inside the house safely. He fishes the key from his pocket, struggling to open the almost broken doorknob before he finally opens the door.

There were millions of scenarios running through Niall’s mind before he reached his house, but nothing had prepared him for this one. As soon as he steps inside the house, he notices that it is completely empty. There is nothing left inside the house, only an empty space where some papers are scattered. Other than that, nothing. There’s no broke, almost soggy couch in front of television, there is no small coffee table near the corner laden with ashtrays and cans. 

Niall feels his heart start to pound rapidly as he drops his backpack on the floor and frantically heads towards his room. It’s when he circles around the small house that he realizes that it truly is empty. Niall feels his heart drop, but he blinks back his tears because he refuses to accept what is happening. In the back of his mind, he knows what is going on but he can’t accept it. He rushes towards the kitchen and that’s when he sees it. A piece of paper on the counter with his mother’s handwriting, _”I’m sorry, Niall._ ”

Niall leans his forehead against the wall, too numb to feel anything at the moment. He can’t believe this. His mother had left him alone. He doesn’t know how to feel at the moment. What is he supposed to do? Where is he supposed to go now?

He doesn’t even realize when Robin comes inside but he gets startled a bit when the man pats his shoulder gently. Niall glances up and sees Robin’s eyes are filled with understanding. Before Niall knows it, Robin grips his arm and bends down slightly to pick up Niall’s bag from the floor, “Come on, let’s go.”

And for the second time that week, Niall is on his way to Orange County. 

 

*****

 

Niall slings his backpack over his shoulder, tightening his grip on the strap, as he follows Robin towards the house. It feels like deja vu for Niall. But this time, instead of being certain that he would go back home in two days, now he doesn’t even know what to think.

Niall knows his invitation at the house is no longer extended as Anne is still looking at him warily. It makes Niall’s self-consciousness creep back in as he reaches closer to the living room, trailing behind Robin.

“Hi honey, you’re-,” Anne greets, but stops abruptly when she sees Niall, “what happened?” She asks, glancing between her husband and Niall confusingly.

Niall shifts on his feet, glancing down to look at the ground instead of meeting Anne’s gaze. He just can’t bear to look at her, or anyone else at the moment. He doesn’t know where Harry is but he’s glad that at least Harry won’t see him in his state of mess.

“Niall, why don’t you take a rest in the pool house? We’ll call you later, okay?” Robin says. Niall glances up, staring uncertainly at both Robin and Anne. He doesn’t know what to do, should he follows Robin’s order or wait for Anne to give her approval too. Anne, despite her obvious confusion, nods at Niall and it’s the only thing he needs before he takes off towards the pool house.

Niall plops down on the bed once he steps inside the pool house, closing his eyes as he tries to get rid of the image of his empty house earlier. His hand moves towards his pocket and fishes out the crumpling paper. He stares at the smudged ink again, as if he can’t believe that his mother had left him alone. He crumples the paper again, shoving it back into his pocket before curling in on himself on the bed and trying his best not to cry. He’s a big boy, he can survive alone, and it’s not like he didn’t practically raise himself since he was ten years old. But when Niall realizes that the only thing he has at the moment are the clothes that he’s wearing along with a few shirts in his backpack, and his old bike which is leaning against the wall outside Robin’s house, he can’t help but start to choke on his sobs. What is he going to do with his life?

 

*****

 

“So, I called my friend today. Because you’re still under 18, he told me child services will look over your case and decide on the next action,” Robin tells Niall during dinner.

Niall nods silently, still toying with his food. He’s trying his best to finish the food but he’s losing his appetite already. Robin’s words make him think about his future and he hates it. He hates how his future will be decided by a social service. He doesn’t want to get trapped with unknown bunches of kids, but he realizes that he has two more years before he turns 18 and there’s nothing that he can do about it. He has nowhere else to go and there is nobody else that he can turn to. It’s either living in the street or letting the child protection service give him some shelter. Deep inside, Niall knows his future is doomed.

 

*****

 

“Wake up! Wake up!”

Niall groans out loud at the sound of Harry’s voice as he barges into the pool house. Niall groans louder when the bright light suddenly flashes and fills the room. He turns to his left and glares at Harry, who’s giving him a wide smile and standing near the open blinds. “What are you doing?” Niall hisses, not wanting to be rude but he’s also not in the mood to entertain Harry at the moment. He’s pretty much content with sleeping in the pool house, like he has been doing for these past few days. He’s at the point where he doesn’t care if he’s being rude towards Robin and Anne. He just wants space for himself to at least enjoy his last moments of freedom before he will be taken away by child protection service.

“You need to get out, Niall. Moping has its time limit too, you know?” Harry says, walking over towards Niall and sitting on the edge of the bed near Niall’s feet.

For a moment, Niall feels self-conscious about his appearance but it passes by quickly when he realizes that it’s still early in the morning. He glares at Harry, hoping that at least Harry would leave him alone but Harry won’t bulge. Instead Harry chuckles and shakes his head. “Your glare is cute,” he tells Niall, reaching over to pinch Niall’s cheeks. Niall swears the heat on his cheeks is because of the sunlight effect and has nothing to do with Harry’s touch. “Come on, wake up. Enough with moping around. It’s a lovely day out there, we need to appreciate it.”

Niall stuffs his face in his pillow, shaking his head. “I don’t need to appreciate it. I’m fine enough here, thank you,” his voice is muffled but he hopes Harry can hear him. “Don’t you have school or something,” he mutters.

“I graduated, Niall. Don’t forget that.” Harry says before reaching for Niall’s pillow and dragging it away from Niall’s face. “Plus, it’s summer holidays. Or else I don’t think mom would allow you to mope in the pool house.”

Niall doesn’t know how but half an hour later he’s already in the car with Harry, freshly showered and everything. Even though Niall is still half-sleeping, he can’t help but listen to Harry’s babbling. He likes the sound of Harry’s voice.

 

*****

 

It’s a bit of a blur for Niall to remember how he and Harry ended up at this party. He remembers the phone conversation about the party between Harry and one of his friends earlier when they were roaming around the city. He remembers saying yes to Harry when Harry asked him if he wanted to come. And now, it’s quite confusing because he lost Harry in the crowd and he doesn’t even know anyone at the party. Although it looks like that’s not the case from everybody’s end because he notices the stink eyes he is getting from some groups of people. “Words travel fast here, Niall,” he remembers Louis telling him. It must be true after all.

He checks his phone again in case Harry had texted him, but nothing appears. No texts. No calls. No sign of Harry at all. Niall sighs, sipping the drink in his hand and wincing slightly at the burn. He doesn’t know what kind of alcohol the rich kids have but he thinks he likes his cheap beer better. Niall moves towards the glass door, making his way towards the lawn, and that’s when he sees Harry.

“Harry,” he calls out, making his way towards Harry and a guy that Niall doesn’t recognize. He would think the guy was Harry’s friend if Harry was not trying to push the guy away. Niall sees enough to know that Harry was definitely feeling uncomfortable as the guy keeps forcing himself upon him.

“Get off of me, Zach,” Niall hears Harry say to the guy as he approaches their spot. Neither of them have noticed him yet, and Niall wonders if anyone else is aware of what’s happening. Glancing around, he snorts when he sees that most of them are definitely drunk and passed out on the ground.

“Hey,” Niall greets once he reaches Harry and the other guy, _Zach_. Harry turns around when he hears Niall’s voice and he grins widely.

“Niaaaaalllll,” Harry drawls, arms flailing as he tries to hug Niall but Zach wraps one of his arms around Harry’s waist and glares at Niall.

“Who the hell are you?” Zach asks, obviously not happy to see Niall.

Niall has been in enough situations to notice the possessive look on Zach’s face. But that’s not his concern at the moment. His main concern is Harry, who sways unstably, and he knows Harry is definitely drunk. “I’m Harry’s friend. I think we need to go home now,” Niall says, forcing a polite smile before he pulls Harry’s hand to follow him.

Harry giggles and tries to follow Niall, but Zach pulls back making all of them stumble. Niall turns around, no longer having the patience to deal with the guy. “What’s your deal, man?”

Zach snorts. “I want to talk to him. You can leave both of us alone,” he says, trying to pull Harry towards him again but Niall tightens his grip against Harry’s arm, not letting go.

Niall glances at Harry, “Do you want to stay with him?” he asks, hoping that Harry is not too drunk to answer his question rationally. 

Harry shakes his head slightly. “I don’t want to stay.”

Zach scoffs, “What the hell, Harry? Why are you playing so hard to get?” He asks angrily, yanking Harry towards him forcing Niall to lose his grip on Harry for a moment.

Before Niall can say anything to Zach, Harry beats him to it. “I don’t like you, Zach. Don’t you understand? Now let me go.” Harry says, trying to pry his arm away from Zach’s grip.

“You heard what he said, let him go.” Niall pipes in, glaring at Zach.

Zach glares back at Niall before he stares at Harry again, “Harry, come on baby. We were fine before he came, remember? You wanted to follow me just now? Come on.”

Niall feels like he might be sick hearing those words. He knows Harry is under influence and not aware enough of the situation. What could have happened if he didn’t find Harry earlier?

“No, Zach. I’m sorry, but I don’t like you. Not in that way.” Harry says, sounding so sober despite his drunkenness.

That seems to trigger something in Zach’s mind as he starts to shove Harry roughly. “Fuck you.”

“Hey, stop it.” Niall warns, quickly standing in front of Harry to shield him from Zach.

Zach scoffs, standing toe to toe in front of Niall. “You know what? Fuck you too! You think we don’t know about you, huh? Niall the Chino Kid who got caught stealing a car with his brother. A poor kid who’s clearly doesn’t belong here. Why don’t you go back to Chino and continue to be a scum, huh?” He taunts, shoving Niall backwards roughly.

Niall clenches his fist and grits his teeth in fury. He knows he can’t blame the guy for being rude towards him but it’s so uncalled for. He stares at Zach, chuckling humorlessly, “You know what I like about rich kids?” he asks. “Nothing,” he says before he punches the guy. 

 

*****

 

“I can’t believe the first time I got drunk, I ended up putting you in juvie again.” Harry says, staring guiltily at Niall.

Niall shakes his head. “You’re not the one who put me here, Harry.”

“But I am the reason why you ended up here,” Harry says. “I’m never going to get drunk again.”

Niall chuckles. “Yeah, tell yourself that in a few years,” he teases. “Trust me, Harry, it wasn’t your fault. I was the one who punched him first.”

“But he punched you too, I mean,” Harry pauses, wanting to touch the bruises on Niall’s face but there’s no touching allowed between the visitor and the inmate, so Niall nods understandingly.

“It just escalated.” Niall says, glancing at Anne who’s hovering near the entrance with her arms crossed over her chest. He knows Anne would probably hate him now. It’s not just that Niall managed to get her son drunk for the first time, but he was also responsible for getting him into trouble. Although Harry’s not the one who ended up in juvie, Niall feels like he’s already burdening the family with his mess.

He understands why he’s in juvie though. Robin told him that he can get out sooner if he has parents or a guardian that he can be put under. But at the moment, he has none. To make matters worse, he’s still under surveillance because of the car stealing case. So Niall just accepted his fate when Robin told him that he has to stay longer in juvie compared to Zach who got bailed by his parents the next morning.

“I told the police about Zach,” Harry tells Niall. “At least, I don’t have to worry about him coming near me in the future.”

Niall nods. “He used to do that a lot to you?” He asks curiously.

Harry shrugs. “Yeah, kind of. I kept telling him I wasn’t interested but he kept harassing me.”

“But now, it’s okay though, right?”

Harry smiles a bit, “Yeah, thanks to you.”

Niall shakes his head, “nah, it’s nothing,” he tells Harry. “It’s just, I used to see the same situation back home, like, I never thought that it’s the same here too.”

“Hey, what’s the matter huh? Give me a smile.” 

Niall turns slightly to glance at the sound of the voice. He knows the voice so well. It’s Nathan, the inmate who’s always particularly aggressive towards him. In fact some of the fresh bruises on Niall’s neck are courtesy of this guy. Niall ignores him but he can see how uncomfortable Harry and Anne get when they realize Nathan is talking to Anne from his table behind Niall’s.

“You got a nice swerve on you lady, you’re _fine_.”

Niall huffs slightly, “Hey, leave her alone,” he warns without even turning around to look at Nathan but he knows the guy can hear him. It’s not a big visiting room after all.

“Niall, it’s okay.” Anne pipes in.

“Are you joking? Is this your little honey? Come here bitch, I want to get a good look at you,” Nathan says as he starts to stand up and walk towards Anne.

“Harry, let’s go now!” Anne calls out, starting to panic when Nathan starts to approach her.

“Leave her alone,” Niall growls, but Nathan doesn’t seem like he wants to stop as he keeps advancing towards Anne.

“What are you going to do about it, huh?” Nathan spits, still advancing towards Anne.

“Guard!” Anne yells and that’s when Niall springs up from the table and lunges towards Nathan, pinning him against the wall.

Nathan growls back, turning around and balling his fist before he punches Niall right in his stomach. Niall doubles over and Nathan is relentless as he swings another punch towards Niall’s head. Instinctively, Niall blocks the punch and counters with an upward cut to the guy’s neck. He connects and watches Nathan staggers backwards.

The guards finally come to break the fight and Niall feels himself being restrained and dragged back towards his cell. The last thing he remembers before the gate closes is the stricken look on Anne’s face when their eyes meet. The only thing Niall can do is hang his head in shame. 

 

*****

 

Niall winces slightly when his fingers accidentally brush his bruised stomach courtesy of the small fight earlier. He knows being in juvie sucks. And it sucks even more when he keeps being the target. He doesn’t even know why though. It just seems like he can’t catch a break.

“Niall Horan, someone is here for you.” The guard says as he unlocks the door of Niall’s cell.

Niall reluctantly trails behind the guard. His mind is reeling on who could possibly be visiting him after Harry and Anne’s visit the day before. He doesn’t think that they will come and see him again after yesterday’s disaster.

He’s proven wrong when Anne is waiting for him at the table. Before Niall can open his mouth to ask about what she’s doing at the juvie, Anne beats him to it. “Grab your things, I’m getting you out of here.” 

 

*****

 

There are lots of questions running through Niall’s mind as he sits silently in the car, briefly glancing between Anne and the road. Like, what’s with the sudden change of heart? Why is he suddenly out of juvie? It’s not like Niall doesn’t want to be out, but he thinks at the moment he would prefer to stay in the juvie. After all, getting out means he has to face the reality of being taken away by the child protection service. It feels pretty much the same to Niall. “I thought Zach is filing charges against me?” Niall blurts out and almost takes the question back but he’s so curious. He thinks he broke the guy’s nose and he was pretty sure that was why everyone at the party freaked out and called the police.

“He dropped it,” Anne replies, glancing at Niall briefly before she turns her attention to the road again. “After all the harassment that he did to Harry? I guess, _he_ is the one who we should file charges against now.”

Niall nods understandingly. “Alright. At least he won’t bother Harry anymore.”

Anne nods. “You’re really protective, aren’t you?”

Niall’s eyes widen, “huh?”

Anne smiles slightly, shaking her head. “Nothing.”

Niall starts biting his nails, but drops his hand quickly when Anne gives him a stern look. He sighs and plays with the hem of his shirt instead. “Look, I know I’ve stayed long enough at your house, and I feel like I’ve been extending my invitation longer than it should be. I think I should probably just go back to Chino and find one of my friends so that I can live with them. I mean, you guys don’t have to deal with child services or anything. I’m big enough to take care of myself.”

Anne shakes her head and Niall feels his heart drop. It takes a lot of courage to say what he really feels about this child service situation to Anne, let alone Robin. Really, he appreciates their concern, but he thinks he can survive a couple of years alone without ending up at some place that he doesn’t know.

“I know you might think you’re old enough, Niall. But you’re 16. You’re still a kid. You don’t know what you want.” Anne says firmly, but her eyes soften when she notices Niall’s expression. “Look, I know you’re probably scared about it but I think this is the right thing to do. I can’t bear the thought of you living alone out there on the streets.”

“I won’t live on the streets!” Niall argues desperately. He _really_ needs Anne, or Robin, or anyone to understand his reason.

“Why don’t you leave the worry out and focus on the present okay? I’m sure everything will turn out good.” Anne says, smiling slightly.

Niall almost rolls his eyes, but then he remembers that this is Anne, not Robin or Harry, and he doesn’t want to be disrespectful towards Anne. So he just shrugs, brooding silently.

Anne seems to notice his brood and she chuckles slightly. “You know, you remind me so much of a younger version of Harry when you sulk like that.”

Niall raises his eyebrows curiously and just like that, Anne launches into her stories about Harry.

It doesn’t feel like a long journey from the juvie to Anne’s house. Maybe it’s because Anne starts to make small talk and Niall is quite surprised by it but he entertains her. They talk about some current issues and all, but never once did Anne prod about Niall’s past. He doesn’t know if he should feel grateful or upset about it. 

The moment the car stops at the driveway, Niall feels like he just met a new woman, and it makes him feels less intimidated around Anne. He doesn’t know what changed, but it feels good. “I’m sorry to ask this, but I never knew what exactly you do. I know Robin is a lawyer but you-,” he trails off, “sorry if it’s not an appropriate question, I’m just curious, you know, cause the house and all.”

Anne smiles, “My father owns the development company and I work with him. Mostly I deal with the design and commissioning. It’s boring, you probably don’t want to hear it.”

“Nah, I used to work construction last summer. I loved it. In fact, I used to want to be an architect.”

“ _Used to_? What do you want to be now?”

Niall shrugs, “17,” he says, smirking slightly.

Anne laughs, “Me too, Niall, me too.”

Niall is still smiling, listening to Anne’s babbling when he notices the figure on the couch once they reach the living room and Niall’s smile drops instantly. “Mom?” 

 

*****

 

To say that the dinner is awkward is pretty much the understatement of the century. Robin and Anne glance at each other, neither seems to not know what to say while Harry silently cuts his food, glancing unsurely between Niall and his parents. And Niall barely glances up, just stares at his plate silently, not even touching his food.

“So, Maura how long have you been working at the laundromat?” Robin asks, breaking the awkward silence that had been surrounding the table.

“Ah, just a couple of weeks.”

“What happened to the restaurant?” Niall pipes in, glancing up to look at his mother curiously. 

“Um, they were making cut-backs.” His mother replies and Niall snorts, knowing full well that his mother is lying.

“You got fired.” Niall deadpans.

“Well, it wasn’t even the best. They’ve had rats and cockroaches; disgusting.”

Niall stares at her intensely. “You’ve seen Greg?”

His mother shrugs slightly. “Went to see him in prison but he wouldn’t see me.”

Niall hums, and then they fall back into awkward silence again. Niall still hasn’t touched his food. He just doesn’t have the appetite to eat. There are so many thoughts whirling in his mind at the moment.

“Where are you living these days?” Anne asks politely, breaking the silence again. 

Niall watches as his mother smiles at Anne. “With friends. Between places right now.”

Anne nods, smiling politely. “Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

“What about A.J?” Niall asks, still staring at his mother.

Maura shakes her head. “No, I broke up with him. We’re through. No more.” She tells Niall, before glancing briefly at Robin, “I put up with him too much. He laid his hand on me and Niall too many times.”

“Mom.” Niall warns, hoping that his mother would stop talking. He doesn’t want anyone to know that. He already feels ashamed and humiliated enough. He knows he should feel guilty for feeling like that, but he can’t help it. It’s stressing him out, the feeling that he can’t comprehend.

“What? I’m just saying. He was a bad influence. With his drinking and-,”

“Cause A.J was the problem,” Niall deadpans sarcastically.

“Hey, I haven’t touched a drop since I dumped his sorry ass last week. He’s always bringing back the-,”

Niall abruptly stand up, not wanting to hear any more words from his mother. 

“Where are you going?”

“It was bad enough living through it the first time.” Niall scoffs, leaving the table and heading straight towards the pool house.

“Niall, please talk to me.” He hears his mother call out as she trails behind him. He stops walking once he steps inside the pool house and turns around to face his mother.

“What are you even doing here?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest as if to protect himself. He braces himself as he waits for her answer.

“I came - for you.”

“Why? What do you want from me?” Niall spits out. “You left a note. A _note._ ”

“Okay, let me explain-,” 

“You abandoned me. You threw me out. You just took off.”

“I know, honey, I was - and A.J and the drinking and –,” she trails off, “it’s going to be different now.”

Niall shakes his head. “That’s what you said when we moved after dad got arrested.”

“I’m going to be different now. We have a chance to start over, kid. And we’ve never had people like them, you know? Who would be ready to help us.”

“Right. So someone offers a nice place to stay and suddenly you’re all about the _‘mom’_ thing.” Niall spits out, turning his head away to look at the window instead of his mother. It’s overwhelming. He doesn’t want to be angry but he is.

“I didn’t know what I was doing when I married your dad. I was too young when I had your brother. But with you –,” she pauses, “you were always the smart one, you know? The good one. When you got arrested, I knew I’d failed because you were my last hope.” She tells him, her voice cracking and Niall feels something tug inside his heart as he hears the rare sincerity in his mother’s voice. “I should go.” She says finally, starting to turn away and leave.

“Wait,” Niall calls out and his mother stops walking. She turns around and starts to approach him but Niall backs away instinctively. He won’t let her in easily again.

“You’re never gonna forgive me, kiddo?” His mother asks, her eyes brimming with tears and Niall slumps his shoulders in defeat.

“Let’s just-,” Niall trails off, sighing softly, “-go slow, huh?”

 

*****

 

It’s a Vegas Night. At least that’s what the theme written on the big banner says. Niall glances briefly at his mother as they walk towards the party with linked arms. She looks good; clean and fresh, thanks to Anne. Anne, who insisted for them to attend the party before they both leave the next day. Niall knows he should’ve said no, especially with his mother around, but he knows the look on her face too well. And he feels like she deserves to let loose for once in a while before they both start their new adventure together.

“Are their parties like this?” His mother asks when they enter the hall.

Niall nods. “Pretty much.” He replies before trailing behind his mother as she makes her way towards the table.

“Go, have fun with your friends.” His mother shoos him away after Niall refused to leave her side since they arrived. “I’ll be fine, you don’t need to babysit me.”

Niall stares at his mother, trying to contemplate his decision and finally nods before he takes off. He is still wandering around the place trying to figure out where the table for drinks is before he spots Harry near the billiards area. “Hey, Niall, come here.” Harry beckons, and Niall obliges, his purpose to find a drink quickly forgotten.

“Hey.” Niall greets simply when he reaches Harry and a guy he doesn’t recognize. It reminds him of the time he found Harry and Zach, except this time the guy is smiling warmly at him, radiating a warm vibe and Niall can’t help but reflectively smile back.

“Hey, I’m Liam, Harry’s boyfriend.” The guy, _Liam_ , says before extending his hand for Niall to shake. If Niall is surprised, he doesn’t show it; instead he glances briefly at a flushed Harry who’s silently sipping on his drink watching Niall and Liam interact. 

“I believe I’ve never met you before.” Niall says after they shake hands. What he meant to say was “Harry never told me about you before,” but he doesn’t want to cause a scene between the two. There must be a reason why Harry hadn’t told him anything. After all, it’s his private life and Niall understands that.

Liam chuckles, his eyes crinkle a bit and he reminds Niall so much of a puppy. “Yeah, I’m actually studying abroad. Just coming home for a few days and now I have a week off so here I am. In fact, I’m pretty sure you don’t know that I live next door to Harry’s house.”

Niall raises his eyebrows at Harry. “Really?” He asks, and Harry just nods sheepishly.

The more time Niall spends with Harry and Liam, the more he feels that Liam totally fits with Harry perfectly. Niall would be lying if he said he didn’t feel down for a slightest bit, but Liam is a nice guy and totally the type of guy that everyone would imagine Harry to be with. The knowledge of Harry having a boyfriend is a blessing in disguise since Niall is leaving with his mother the next day, so at least he won’t hang onto his crush on Harry. Niall blinks, shaking his head when he realizes what he’s thinking. Crush? _What the hell_. Niall Horan doesn’t do crushes. 

“Are you alright? Seems like you’re lost in your own world a bit there.” Harry asks, smiling at Niall slightly and Niall feels his cheeks flush at being caught. Niall is saved when Louis suddenly appears out of nowhere and pulls him into a tight hug.

“Niall, glad to see you here! I’m bored. Be my gambling partner.”

Niall grins at him before nodding at both Liam and Harry, excusing himself as he starts to hang with Louis instead.

“So, you met Liam.” Louis says, glancing briefly at Niall as they reach one of the game tables.

Niall nods. “Yeah, he’s nice.”

“Yeah, he is. Too bad he is too boring.” Louis comments, and Niall punches his arms slightly. “Hey, what was that for?” Louis whines, trying to punch Niall’s arm in return but Niall swerves away.

“You can’t say things like that.” Niall says, turning around slightly to see both Harry and Liam who are now talking in hushed whispers. Niall tears his gaze away only to stare back at a smirking Louis. “What?”

Louis snorts, shaking his head. “You and Harry, I can’t believe you two are such idiots.”

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion, completely lost on what Louis is talking about. “I don’t understand.”

Louis clasps his shoulder, smiling widely. “You’ll understand, young Niall. But now is not the time. Now, it’s our time to party!”

Niall rolls his eyes, shrugging Louis’s hands away from his shoulder. He is about to say something when suddenly there’s a loud clattering sound and the music stops abruptly. Niall hears someone talking in a loud voice and he freezes, knowing the voice so well. He turns around and his eyes widen in horror as he realizes what’s happening. He walks over to the spot where his mother is on the floor, giggling like a lunatic and it’s obvious that she is drunk.

There are people surrounding the scene now and Niall feels like he wants to hide himself forever, not wanting to show his face ever again.

“Why don’t you quit staring and help me up, okay?” His mother snarls towards the people surrounding her. “Help me up!”

Niall is frozen in his spot, too disappointed in his mother to move. He can barely recognize Harry and Robin trying to help her up until she is calling his name.

 

*****

 

“I ruined everything,” his mother says as they’re staggering towards the bed at the pool house. “You hate me now.”

Niall shakes his head slightly, carefully putting his mother on the bed. “No mom, I love you.” He says quietly. Harry helps him with the duvet, pulling it out until Niall can put his mother in bed properly, and tucks her in. He stares at her silently until she falls asleep in an instant. Niall flinches slightly when Harry touches his shoulder.

“You want any help? I can stay and look after her if she’s feeling worse.”

Niall shakes his head. “It’s okay, Harry. I know how to deal with her.” _It’s what I always do_ , Niall wants to add but he doesn’t want to make his mother looks bad. After all, she’s still his mother and he still loves her.

Harry nods understandingly, before pulling Niall into a hug. Niall’s body goes rigid at first before he finally lets Harry hold him, playing with the hem of Harry’s shirt as he seeks for comfort, at least for a moment. Niall pulls away first, feeling slightly embarrassed by his action. “Thank you for your help earlier-,” Niall trails off, eyes staring at everything but Harry.

Harry smiles slightly, “You’re most welcome.” Harry says. “If you need anything, just tell me. I’m always here for you, okay?”

Niall nods silently, too overwhelmed to say something else and Harry seems to understand that. He pats Niall’s shoulder once before he retreats out the pool house.

Once Harry leaves, Niall sits at the nearest chair, staring at his unconscious mother on the bed and thinking of what has gone wrong.

 

*****

 

The first thing that Niall notices when he wakes up is the lack of someone in the bed. He sits up abruptly, eyes wide and his heart is pounding rapidly. He throws off his duvet and almost runs towards the bathroom but when he reaches it, it’s empty. There’s no sign of his mother and Niall has to tell himself not to start panicking. His mother could’ve just gone out for breakfast or something. Except when Niall looks at the space beside the bed, his mother’s bag is no longer there.

Niall strides towards the main house, silently praying that his mother is there and he almost feels relieved when he hears his mother’s voice in the lawn. He wants to call out for her when he notices that there’s a bag in his mother’s hand. She’s talking to Anne and both of their expressions are serious. Niall swallows a big lump in his throat as he leans against the wall, hiding from their sight. Part of him doesn’t want to eavesdrop, but part of him _really_ wants to hear their conversation. And he wants to know why his mother looks like she wants to leave again; without him.

“You can’t do this. You’re his mother.” Niall hears Anne says.

“I’m a mess. Not a mother.”

“You have a responsibility.”

“I’m being responsible. I’m not wired for this. I can’t care for anybody else. I don’t have what you’ve got. The way your husband looks at you. And your kid looks at you. Even my kid-,” his mother says. “Like, no matter what, you’re going to make everything okay. You hold your family together. I tear mine apart.”

Niall feels like he wants to cry listening to his mother’s words.

“You can’t walk away.” Anne says firmly.

“Why? It’s the first good thing I’ll ever do for him. This way, he’s got a real mom. Take care of him, okay? He deserves it.” 

That’s when Niall loses it and starts to cry, sliding down against the wall before burying his face into his arms and tucking his knees up. He knows that his mother is going to leave him again, and this time there’s nothing he can do about it.

Anne finds him a few minutes later in the same position. She sits down quietly beside Niall and pulls him to lean against her shoulder.

He doesn’t know how much time passes but once he feels good enough to talk, he pulls away from her. He’s still sniffling, wiping the remaining tears on his cheeks before he clears his throat and stares into the wide view in front of him instead of staring at Anne. “She’s really gone, isn’t she?” He asks quietly.

“I’m so sorry, Niall.” Anne says. “I tried to stop her, but-,”

“I know. I heard.” Niall admits truthfully. He inhales a deep breath, feeling exhausted all of sudden. It’s still morning, but it already feels like a long day for him. “What do I do now?”

 

*****

 

“Niall’s gonna stay with us now.” Anne announces once they reach the kitchen, with Niall trailing behind her, still trying to process what’s happening.

He watches as Robin’s eyes widen while Harry starts to smile widely. “That’s cool.” Harry says, smiling at Niall and Niall can’t help but smile back. He glances at Anne, still unsure of what she has done but she nods at him, smiling reassuringly. 

“I have one rule,” Anne says, then she shakes her head. “No, two rules actually.”

Niall nods, shifting his feet nervously.

“One, no smoking is allowed. Two, no more fighting, okay? I don’t want to see you or anyone else in the house with bruises on any part of their bodies, deal?”

Niall smiles at her. “Deal.”

 

*****

 

“That’s not fair.” Louis whines out loud as he emerges from the pool, pointing his finger at both Niall and Harry.

Niall laughs, jumping off from Harry’s shoulder and into the pool as he tries to get away from Louis’ attack. He shrieks slightly when Louis manages to catch him and dunk his face into the water. He comes up with a gasp and grumbles in frustration when he sees Louis has already swum out of his reach.

“I like it when you’re happy like this,” Harry says suddenly, startling Niall. Niall turns around slightly to face Harry and they both stare at each other.

“Oh, so you didn’t like it when I was brooding?” Niall asks, raising his eyebrows.

Harry chuckles, shrugging slightly. “I didn’t like it when you were sad.” Harry replies, splashing some water towards Niall.

Niall hums, playing with the water too, not knowing how to reply to Harry’s words. He knows he had been quite a mess, especially a few days after his mother left, but eventually he realized that he needs to move on. That was one of the reasons he had agreed to spend some outdoor time with Harry and Louis in the pool.

“See, you’re doing that thing again,” Harry points out and Niall startles.

“What thing?”

“Getting lost inside your own head,” Harry replies, his pointy finger resting at Niall’s temple gently.

Niall can feel the wetness of Harry’s finger and for some reason he can’t help but shiver slightly at the touch. One thing that Niall has learned about Harry’s family is how touchy-feely they all are. Which is the complete opposite of Niall’s. Niall knows they’ve noticed that and always maintain their boundaries with Niall, but not Harry. Harry always find a chance to touch Niall, and Niall doesn’t know whether it’s supposed to be a good or bad thing. 

Before Niall can say anything, he notices Anne coming towards them with a stern look on her face. “Niall, I think you better get out of that pool now before you get sick. Remember, you have school tomorrow, you don’t want to tire yourself out today.” She reminds him with her hands on her hips. “And you two as well.” She says pointing at Louis and Harry.

Niall groans as he remembers the school thing. “Why am I the only one who has school tomorrow,” he grumbles under his breath and starts to pout.

Anne laughs, shaking her head but not saying anything before she leaves them alone again. Once Anne leaves, Niall starts to climb out of the pool with the help of a grinning Harry who’s already standing near the edge of the pool.

Harry passes him the towel, but Niall clumsily drops it making Harry shake his head. “Here, let me help,” Harry says before he drops the towel on Niall’s body and starts to dry him off.

Niall’s body goes still and if Harry notices it, he doesn’t show it. Part of Niall wants to grab the towel and dry himself but part of him is really enjoying the closeness to Harry that he feels at the moment. He doesn’t even realize how close they’re standing to each other till he feels Harry’s breath fanning his face when he speaks. “You’re so cute when you pout,” Harry says and Niall prays silently that the colour of his cheeks won’t betray him.

“Oi! Have you two quite finished?” Louis’s voice interrupts them and Niall scrambles backward in surprise, totally forgetting that Louis is with them too. He starts to panic before grabbing the towel from Harry’s hand and shaking his head.

“I’ll just head to shower,” he announces for no reason other than to excuse himself. He almost runs past Louis. The older guy shakes his head at Niall and then glances towards Harry as well.

“Idiots,” Louis mutters and Niall tries hard not to think about what Louis means by that.

 

*****

 

Niall has never been to Harry’s room before, and to be honest he is quite impressed when he sees the set-up of the room. Harry has a corner where he puts up all of his favorite pictures that he had taken with his camera on the wide board, and Niall can’t help but feel curious. “Is this me?” Niall asks, squinting his eyes to look at a bunch of pictures on the board.

Harry glances up from cleaning his camera lenses and looks at Niall like a deer caught in the headlights. He smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just, I loved taking your pictures when you weren’t aware of it. Makes it looks more beautiful.” He tells Niall.

Niall hums, clearing his throat as he tries to hide his blush over Harry’s words. He continues staring at the other row of pictures on the board. There are not many pictures of him truthfully, but it’s more than enough to alarm Niall about how he didn’t realize that Harry had been sneakily capturing his pictures.

Niall moves towards the recliner, waiting for Harry to finish cleaning his camera. His eyes land on the guitar against the wall and his interest peaks. He leans over slightly, grabbing the guitar before sitting back against the recliner. He starts to tune it and smiles slightly at the sound produced by the instrument. “Didn’t know you can play guitar,” Niall comments as he looks at Harry.

Harry shrugs, grinning slightly. “I don’t actually know how to play it. I bought it ‘cause of the trend a few years back. Peer pressure and all,” he admits truthfully.

Niall chuckles before he starts to strum the string, humming a song that he’s familiar with.

“You sound good,” Harry said in awe, putting down his camera to the side and giving his full attention to Niall. “When did you learn to play guitar?”

“I used to have one.” Niall replies easily. “My father gave it to me on my tenth birthday, but then I lost it.”

Harry raises his eyebrows. “How?”

“One of my mother’s ex-boyfriends sold it for money.”

Niall sees Harry’s mouth agape, probably at a loss for what to say and Niall can’t help but chuckle slightly. He continues humming the song under his breath and concentrating on the chords that he’s playing. It’s been a while anyway and he thinks he’s gotten quite rusty on how to play it. But he likes it, it makes him calm when he plays guitar. Especially if he gets the chance to play it by himself in his room, not caring about the chaos that’s happening outside. It used to be his way to escape from reality.

“You can take the guitar if you want to,” Harry blurts out and Niall’s fingers stop on the strings, glancing up just to glare at Harry.

“How many times did I tell you that you don’t have to pity me,” Niall spits out, gritting his teeth out of frustration. To be honest, it is quite frustrating that Harry, and sometimes Louis, always insists to pay for his meal when they go out, as if it’s not bad enough for Niall to know he has nothing, especially money.

Harry’s eyes widen, his arms flailing as he tries to explain himself. “No, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant – I don’t even play it now, so I might as well give it to someone who knows how to play.” He babbles.

Niall sighs heavily, putting down the guitar back in its position. He knows Harry meant well, but it still doesn’t feel quite right for Niall. He stands up much to Harry’s chagrin, “I think I’m going to take a nap,” Niall announces as he moves towards the door and leaves the room before Harry can say anything. 

He knows he’s probably overreacting but he can’t help it. He doesn’t like it when people take pity on him.

 

*****

 

Harry apologizes the next day over breakfast and Niall just nods, smiling slightly at him. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it,” he tells Harry and earns a tight hug from the other guy.

“What were you two talking about?” Anne asks when she enters the kitchen after both Harry and Niall pull away from the hug.

“Nothing,” Niall replies quickly, and ignores the way Anne is staring at both of them curiously. Niall grabs the bagel on the table, slicing it into two, completely focused on putting on the cheese when Anne is suddenly standing beside him.

“We’re going to the mall today for some shopping, okay?”

Niall raises his eyebrows, looking at her. “Urm, for-?” He trails off. “Harry’s gonna come with us too?”

“Nah, I have plans with Louis today.” Harry replies from the table, without glancing up from the newspaper.

Anne smiles at Niall, patting his arm gently. “It would just be the two of us. I need to find some clothes for the event next week, and you are in a need of new clothes too.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes now?” Niall blurts out, glancing down at his shirt and pants. He’s pretty sure that his clothes are decent enough.

“Plain white shirts with black jeans for the whole week? I don’t even know why I let you go with Harry for clothes shopping the last time, it was definitely a mistake,” Anne comments, and Harry lets out a whine to protest but Niall knows both of them are just messing around as they’re smiling at each other. It makes Niall smile instinctively too.

“But Anne, I-,” Niall wants to decline but Anne fixes him with a look that makes Niall stop talking altogether. Anne has this _look_ that Niall is scared of. He knows everyone in the house is scared of the look too. They called it the _you-can’t-say-no-look_ , so naturally Niall just nods because what else can he do?

 

*****

 

Niall listens to Anne’s babbling, occasionally piping in when he feels he needs to but other than that, he mostly just listens. It’s not like the topic isn’t interesting, it’s just Niall doesn’t really know how to give his input for a thing that he doesn’t really understand. How many 16 year olds know about office politics anyway?

He’s still following Anne’s trail as they walk around the mall when she suddenly stops in front of the music instruments shop. “Let’s go inside,” Anne says, pulling Niall’s arm before he can say anything.

“Yes, can I help with anything, madam?” The shop assistant asks, smiling at both Niall and Anne.

Anne nods, smiling sweetly at the shop assistant. “Yes, I’m looking for a guitar for this young man over here.”

Niall’s head snaps towards his left, because _what?_

“What?” Niall asks out loud, eyes widening as he stares at Anne disbelievingly.

Anne just shrugs and smiles at him. “I want to give you something for passing your test last month. I’ve heard that you’re good at guitar.” She tells him. “So, you can choose one. Whichever you like.”

“But I-,” Niall pauses, sighing before he continues, “look, you don’t have to do this. Harry was lying. I’m bad at guitar.”

Anne raises her eyebrows, shaking her head. “Harry didn’t tell me anything. I overheard your conversation with him, so I figured, why not?”

Niall can feel his cheeks fluster, embarrassed that he had accused Harry in front of his own mother. What would Anne think of him? Niall’s worry dissipates as Anne pulls his arm towards the guitar rack.

“Don’t be stubborn. It’s my gift, so lord help me choose one. And then we can go home and you can jam with it in the pool house as much as you want to. I know you like it.”

Later that evening, Niall comes home with a shy smile on his face and a new guitar case in his hand. “Thanks, Anne.”

 

*****

 

 _“Can’t seem to hold you like I want to, so I can feel you in my arms,”_ Niall pauses slightly, trying to adjust the chord before he begins to strum his guitar and sing again, closing his eyes. _“Nobody’s gonna come and save you, we pulled too many false alarms.”_

“Is that a John Mayer song?”

Niall’s eyes pop open when he hears the familiar voice. He stops playing his guitar, glancing up from his spot to see Harry leaning against the door, smiling at him. Niall nods, shrugging slightly. “Yeah, I love that song.”

Harry walks over to Niall and sits on the edge of the bed. “Can you teach me how to play it?”

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Play what?”

“Guitar, that song, _any_ song.” Harry replies, shrugging slightly. “I’m bored. I need something to do.”

Niall laughs, shaking his head disbelievingly. “Where’s your camera?” He asks, passing the guitar to Harry. Over these past few months, he’s always seen Harry with his camera and he loves to see Harry in his element. Plus, the camera is pretty much the reason he gets to spend time with Harry a lot. Apparently, he’s unofficially become Harry’s model, as Harry had put it. Niall doesn’t hate it though. It gives them time to get to know each other better and be comfortable with each other contrary to the beginning when they were quite awkward at first.

“Resting.” Harry replies cheekily. He holds the guitar in his lap, and starts to strum. Niall can’t help but cringe at the sound. Harry notices his expression and bursts out laughing. “Told you I’m bad at this.”

Niall chuckles, shaking his head. “Here, you have to hold it like this,” Niall says, leaning in to adjust Harry’s hold on the guitar. He moves to sit beside Harry, wrapping his hand on top of Harry’s and trying to put Harry’s finger on the right string. Niall doesn’t realize how close he is to Harry till Harry turns his head to look at him and their noses almost brush against each other. And suddenly everything seems to stop in motion as their eyes meet.

“Hey,” Harry whispers quietly, and Niall’s never felt as intimate with him as he feels in this moment. Harry gently moves Niall’s hand and slowly puts the guitar down on the floor before he shifts to face Niall properly. Harry’s eyes lock on Niall’s and he leans in closer. Niall isn’t sure if his heart has ever pounded this fast in his life. He notices a small scar on the bridge of Harry’s nose. For a fleeting moment he wonders how Harry got it. He wants to know everything about Harry, and more than anything, he wants to feel Harry’s lips on his.

Just as the longing becomes unbearable, Harry’s lips meet Niall’s. The warmth of Harry’s mouth sends a current running through Niall’s body. Niall throws his arms around Harry’s neck as he loses himself in Harry’s mint fresh breath and slightly chapped lips. It reminds Niall of the sea and a warm smile which reminds him of Liam, and _shit._ Liam.

Niall pulls away abruptly and just like that the kiss is over. Harry looks at him in confusion. “Niall?“

“We can’t do this.” Niall says, shaking his head and moving away slightly but Harry grabs his arm before he can run away.

Niall sees the crestfallen look on Harry’s face and it tugs at his heartstrings but he knows he can’t continue kissing Harry like he wants to. “You have Liam. We can’t-,”

“I broke up with him.” Harry interrupted, cutting Niall off before he can finish.

Niall’s eyes widen, staring at Harry in surprise and suddenly everything makes sense to him. “Oh, so I’m a rebound?” he snaps.

“What? No! Absolutely not.” Harry says firmly, scooting closer towards Niall. “I broke up with him months ago, Niall. Probably not long after you came here. And you’re definitely not a rebound.” Harry stresses. “What I had with Liam, was nothing compared to what I feel for you. Liam and I? We were just kids. It was an amicable breakup. He even has a new girlfriend now.”

“Oh,” Niall says simply. It feels like too much information to process all at once.

“I like you, Niall.”

“Oh,” Niall repeats, too dumbfounded to respond. He stares at Harry, searching for any trace of joke or teasing but the only thing he can see is the sincerity that shines through Harry’s eyes. “But-,” Niall pauses unsurely, “aren’t we moving too fast?”

Harry rolls his eyes fondly. “Oh please, I’ve liked you for months, Niall. And I know you like me too.”

Niall snorts as he hears Harry’s words. “Wow, confident much?” Niall deadpans.

Harry laughs, before he leans in closer towards Niall, barely leaving any gap between their faces. “Oh yeah? Tell me all those lingering glances didn’t mean anything? Tell me all those flirty remarks didn’t mean something to you? I’m not gonna lie, Niall. I’m a pretty straightforward guy. And I think we’ve been dancing around each other for too long, don’t you think so?”

There’s a fine line between being cocky and being confident, and while Niall usually hates a cocky person, it’s different with Harry. Harry emits confidence with his words and for Niall it’s a good enough quality in a person. So naturally, he nods, “Yeah. I mean-, I-, -you-,-too-,” he stutters, not really knowing how to put his feelings into words. It’s not his forte to admit his feelings out loud like Harry does so easily.

Harry laughs, nodding understandingly. He cups Niall’s face with his hands and his lips graze Niall’s. “So, does that mean I can kiss you again?” Harry asks, breath fanning over Niall’s face.

Niall only replies by pulling Harry into a firm kiss.

 

*****

 

“But I want them to know who my boyfriend is.” Harry argues, folding his arms over his chest and Niall sighs heavily. He knew Harry would react like this but he didn’t expect Harry to be so stubborn about it. He thought Harry would be more understanding. It seems like they’re finally having their first fight after a few weeks of being together.

“It’s not easy for me, Harry.”

“It’s not easy for me either, you know.” Harry snaps harshly.

For a fleeting moment, Niall has a flashback of his mother’s ex-boyfriend and he flinches reflexively. Harry seems to realize his mistake as his face softens and he pulls Niall into his hug. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Niall buries his face in the crook of Harry’s shoulder. “Please, Harry. Just, can we keep this secret?” He pleads. Honestly, Niall doesn’t want anyone to know about their relationship, especially Harry’s parents. Niall doesn’t want to make Anne and Robin angry with him. He doesn’t want to disappoint those two because he’s so grateful for their kindness to take him in.

It takes a while to convince Harry to be on the same page as him, and after explaining his reasons, finally Harry agrees.

 

*****

 

_Niall runs as far as he can but his mother’s boyfriend is still chasing him. Niall runs until he falls down and the guy grabs him by the collar, turning him around. He is about to shout for the guy to stop when suddenly the face changes to a bald guy from the juvenile centre. Niall is backed up against the wall, with no escape and he can feel his claustrophobia starting to kick in._

Niall gasps, sitting up on the bed. His head feels fuzzy for a second before he realizes that he’s in the pool house, not at the juvie. He inhales deeply, trying to regain some calm before getting out of bed and heading out on bare feet. He doesn’t bother wearing his jacket as he walks out of the door.

He can’t go to sleep again as the nightmare is still fresh in his mind. Sometimes the faces change, and Niall can’t help it. His history with his mother’s collection of boyfriends isn’t really helping much to get rid of the nightmare.

He sits in a chair on the patio and stares into the distance, listening to the waves from the sea. It still amazes him how lucky he is to get to stay at the house. He’s shivers slightly when the strong wind blows and has the urge to smoke, but he knows Anne won’t appreciate that. Not after he agreed to her terms when she took him in.

He doesn’t realize it’s already morning when Harry suddenly appears beside him. “You wake up early.”

Niall glances up. “Yeah,” he replies shortly.

Harry stares at Niall before he sits down on another chair at the patio. “Is the pool house not comfortable for you?”

Niall shakes his head. “No, I just want to bask in the silence of the morning.”

Harry looks at him skeptically and Niall tries his best to maintain his poker face. He doesn’t want to admit that he had a nightmare. He is seventeen years old for god’s sake. What kind of seventeen year old teenagers still have nightmares?

Harry leans in for a quick peck on Niall’s lips and Niall is caught off guard, slightly panicked when he realizes that they’re outside and Anne or Robin can see them anytime. Harry seems to realize that when he pulls away, his thumb rubbing off Niall’s cheeks gently. “They’re still sleeping, don’t worry.” Harry assures with his gentle words. “I’m heading out for a run later. Wanna join me?”

And for the first time ever, Niall accepts the offer. Maybe by getting some fresh air his mind would be clearer and the nightmare will be long forgotten.

 

*****

 

Niall is definitely wrong.

The nightmare occurs a lot after that, up until the point where Niall falls asleep on the table when he’s studying. Besides Harry, everyone else seems to notice the dark smudges under his eyes. He knows Louis’ constant nagging when Niall falls asleep during their game time is his way of showing that he’s worried about Niall. But Niall can’t help it. The nightmares are still haunting him and he doesn’t know how to stop them.

“I think you should move out of the pool house, Niall.” Anne comments one morning and Niall almost drops his spoon into the bowl, eyes widening in surprise. Anne notices his expression and shakes her head. “Oh god, that came out wrong, didn’t it? What I meant was, it looks like you don’t get much sleep at the pool house, probably because it’s not as comfortable as the rooms upstairs.”

Niall shakes his head. “I like the pool house,” he replies.

“But do you sleep well? I notice the signs of lack of sleep on your face, Niall.” Anne says and Niall is about to open his mouth to reply but Anne beats him to it. “And don’t you dare say that you’re fine. I’m a mother, and I’m always right about my instinct.”

Niall sighs heavily, rubbing his hands over his face tiredly. He’s thankful that Harry isn’t with them at the moment. Lord knows how worried his boyfriend would be if Niall admits to his lack of sleep.

Niall moves to one of the rooms, temporarily, as he had agreed with Anne. Maybe by changing his place of sleep, he would feel more at ease and would be able to avoid Anne or Harry’s fussiness.

 

*****

 

_”You think you can run from me?” The guy asks, clutching Niall’s jumpsuit collar as he wiggles in a bid to escape. The guy tightens his grip, and Niall can smell his stinky breath when he leans his face closer with a predatory gleam in his eyes. “Stop! Stop!” Niall shouts out loud, still trying to escape but the guy is bigger and stronger than Niall._

“Niall! Niall! Wake up!”

Someone shouts and Niall’s eyes pops open. He sits up abruptly, gasping for air. He can feel himself shaking; and he wheezes slightly as he tries to catch his breath.

“Calm down, you’re okay, it’s just a dream,” Robin’s voice soothes as Niall feels the man’s hand on his back, rubbing it gently, as if he’s scared that he would spook Niall with his touch.

Niall glances up once he regains his breath; and he can feel his cheeks flush at the sole attention from Robin, who’s sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at him in concern. From the corner of his eyes, Niall can see Anne hovering behind Robin, while Harry lingers by the door, staring at Niall in worry.

“I’m sorry,” Niall apologizes, his voice cracking slightly. Before he knows it a glass of water is pushed into his hand and he swallows it greedily while trying to ease his pounding heartbeat.

“There’s no need to be sorry, dear.” Anne says gently. “How long ago did the nightmares start?”

“I-.” Niall trails off, wanting to lie but he can’t. He looks at both Robin and Anne and he feels like they deserve to know the truth. “Couple of weeks ago,” Niall mumbles under his breath, looking down on the bed, his finger playing with the string of his duvet. He couldn’t dare to look at them now, feeling like he’s intruding on their lives with his own problems again.

“Is that why you’ve been looking so tired lately? You always stay up after your nightmare?” Robin asks, and Niall has a fleeting moment of surprise. He thought Robin hadn’t noticed, but apparently he was wrong. Niall nods silently, not knowing what else to say. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again.

Robin shakes his head, patting Niall’s shoulder gently. “We’ll talk about this again tomorrow, okay? Go to sleep, tomorrow you have to wake up early.” He says, gently pushing Niall to lie on the bed again while Anne fusses with his duvet. Niall feels like a child again when both of them tuck him in and his heart constricts at the gestures. His parents used to do the same thing for him when he was a kid. For some reason, it makes Niall’s eyes water and he closes them quickly, not wanting to worry Anne and Robin more.

He barely listens when Robin and Anne leave the room and close the door. Just when he thinks he’s alone, the bed dips with a heavy weight besides him and Niall opens his eyes. “Harry?” He asks confusingly.

Harry slips under the duvet, leaning against his elbow as he stares at Niall, brushing back Niall’s fringe softly. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?” He asks quietly, but Niall can hear the hurt in his voice. He looks away, not daring to look at Harry, knowing that his boyfriend must’ve been disappointed in him for not trusting him enough to admit about his nightmare. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Harry, he’s just, “I’m embarrassed,” he admits truthfully.

Harry’s hand stops fussing with Niall’s hair and he grabs Niall’s chin, tilting Niall’s head to look at him again. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, Niall.” He says before leaning down to kiss Niall’s lips gently. Niall closes his eyes, melting under the kiss, until Harry pulls away, smiling slightly at him.

“Wanna be the little spoon?” Harry asks, and Niall nods shyly, shifting so he can lean his head against Harry’s open arm, and lets Harry’s arm wrap around him fully. He traces his finger across Harry’s chest, wondering why the hell Harry likes him. He has so much baggage to begin with and he thinks Harry deserves so much better than him. Plus, he doesn’t think Harry’s parents -, _damn_ , Niall thinks as he tenses suddenly.

“Harry, your parents, I mean, you can’t be here,” Niall says, trying to pull away but Harry tightens his grip on Niall’s waist, trapping him inside his cuddle.

“No, it’s okay. I told them that I would look after you if you have another nightmare, they’re okay with it. No worry, yeah?”

Niall’s shoulder slumps, nodding. “Okay,” he mumbles sleepily when Harry’s fingers start to card through his hair gently, lulling him to sleep.

Niall falls into a dreamless sleep that night.

 

*****

 

Niall agrees to go to weekly therapist sessions upon Anne and Robin’s insistence. He’s reluctant at first but at the same time he doesn’t want to burden them anymore with his problems by keeping them up at night. Harry sneakily holds his hand under the table, squeezing it gently as he nods supportively at Niall. That’s all Niall needs to finally agree with the plan.

He moves back into the pool house and couldn’t be happier to get his own place back. The room in the main house is nice, but the pool house has been his safe haven since the beginning and he doesn’t want anything other than that place.

At night, Harry slips into the pool house, cuddling with Niall until they both fall asleep and slips out before his parents wake up. Niall doesn’t have nightmares anymore, at least not that much. It’s always the quiet whispering from Harry that reassures Niall to go to sleep peacefully.

 

*****

 

Harry’s lips are on Niall’s in a second ― a _millisecond_ ― so fast it takes Niall by surprise; Harry isn’t rough or demanding, but he does push Niall back a bit till the folds of his knees are knocking against the mattress and he’s stumbling. With his hands on Niall’s cheeks, holding tight, Harry keeps Niall standing, keeps Niall pulled close against him as he molds their bodies together so thoroughly it’s hard for Niall to tell where Harry ends and he begins. 

For some reason, Harry’s lips are smooth, so soft and sweet and gentle. Niall wonders how Harry got his mouth so tender, so kissable. Niall doesn’t think his lips are that enticing ― chapped a bit, and thin, and maybe a little bit dry, but not good, not as spine-tingling as Harry’s. 

“God, it’s like I can feel you thinking,” Harry murmurs against Niall’s lips, chuckling as he pulls off and presses delicate kisses to Niall’s forehead quickly and sporadically. “You need to stop that.” 

Niall’s fingertips are vibrating with sensation as he glides them along Harry’s broad shoulders, gripping Harry’s bulging biceps. “I ― I can’t… help it, I haven’t done this before,” he stutters out, mortified ― never in his life has he been this insecure, this unconfident in who he is, and it’s frightening. He’s used to being tough, being relentless and resilient, but he can feel his stony exterior falling and it’s all Harry’s fault. 

Harry pulls back a bit, raising his eyebrows at Niall. “Are you telling me you haven’t done _this_ before?”

Niall can feel himself blush instinctively. He lowers down his gaze, too embarrassed to look at Harry. “Well, not with a guy,” Niall admits truthfully. 

Harry chuckles, shaking his head slightly. “I can’t believe the _great Niall Horan_ is still a gay virgin,” he says to Niall, voice filled with a teasing tone. 

Niall glares at Harry. “You do realize that I’m capable of punching you right?” He threatens, and Harry starts to laugh, bending slightly as he clutches his stomach. It takes a while until he sobers up, grabbing Niall’s chin and pulling him into a kiss again. “You’re so feisty, I like it,” Harry whispers, ghosting his lips across Niall’s, dropping them low to nibble and bite at Niall’s jaw. “Just keep your mind on me and how I’m making you feel. Okay? Can you do that?” 

Niall nods, his legs are getting weak and Harry’s grip on him isn’t strong enough to hold him up; his knees buckle and he falls down onto the bed, taking Harry with him. It’s awkward, and Niall’s elbows are bent at strange angles but Harry just laughs and takes advantage of the situation, prying apart Niall’s thighs and settling comfortably against him. Their eyes meet, and it’s a voracious flurry of sparks. Harry’s mouth drops open as Niall absently lifts his hips up, bucking their clothed groins together. 

“Harry, your parents-,” Niall’s words are cut off as Harry reattaches his lips on Niall’s again. 

“Shh, don’t worry about them, they won’t come home until tomorrow. Relax, just think about me okay?” Harry murmurs, leaning down and pressing their lips together as he continues to undulate his hips against Niall’s, rubbing and releasing a bit of the pressure that’s no doubt eating at both of them. 

They continue kissing until Niall pulls back and gasps, wide-eyed. He drops his hands from Harry’s hair and grabs the fabric of Harry’s shirt, bunching it up, pulling it off and throwing it somewhere. Niall blinks in the dimness of the room, trailing his hands along Harry’s back, scratching his fingers into the taunt skin as he admires Harry for all that he is by just touching, just feeling. He takes in everything that Harry is as a whole because they don’t have time to wait, to savor.

“Why did Johnny take the ruler to bed?” Harry asks suddenly, pulling the collar of Niall’s shirt down with lascivious fingers, tonguing at the bit of flesh he’s exposed. 

Niall scoffs, absently bucking up; colors smear across his vision and he blinks, attempting to chase away the blackness of total ecstasy. “What the hell?” 

“Just… go ‘long with it. It’ll help. Promise.” Harry assures, and Niall admits he’s impressed by Harry’s perceptiveness of him. He knows Harry notices how he’s still worried about Robin and Anne, and how it would look if they suddenly barged through the pool house doors to find him and Harry. 

“I don’t ―” Niall stops, hissing as Harry’s hands trail down along his sides, gathering the hem of his shirt and shoving it up, fingers grazing the gooseflesh that clings to Niall’s bare skin. Jeez, it’s like he’s being tased or something. “I don’t know. Why?” 

Humming, Harry peels away from Niall, sitting up and lifting Niall just enough to tug his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor. “Because…” Harry drawls, smiling as he leans down and places a peck to Niall’s puckered lips, lingering like the taste of sangria. “He wanted to measure how long he slept. Duh.” 

“Oh, wow.” Niall snorts, rolling his eyes as he knots his hands in Harry’s hair and scratches along his scalp. “That was awful. Absolute trash.” 

“I’ve got more,” Harry whispers against Niall’s chin, biting the bone; Niall hisses, shoving Harry lower. Harry gets the apparent hint, kissing down Niall’s neck and tonguing over his clavicles, leaving them wet with spit. “Wanna hear?” 

Niall groans, rolling his hips up absently, silently begging for the release or pressure that’s threatening to burst his button and zipper. “No,” he growls, jerking Harry’s hair hard, bringing Harry back up and meshing their lips together in a messy kiss that’s got too much tongue and teeth. He pulls away, breathing fast. “I don’t.” 

“But they’re funny!” Harry whines, shaking his head; he moves his hips to the side a bit, straddling one of Niall’s legs and using his knee to spread Niall apart more. He brings his knee up and presses it against Niall’s groin, smirking when Niall hisses. “And I want you to hear them.” 

“No.” 

“For me?” 

Niall groans because that’s hot ― Harry begging is probably the hottest thing. “Okay,” he says, nodding enthusiastically as Harry ruts a bit, knocking his knee deliciously into Niall’s leaking hardness. “More. Tell me more.” 

“What’d the blanket say when it fell off the bed?” Harry asks, rasped and husky, reaching down to pop Niall’s button and tug down the zipper slowly, giving Niall adequate amount of time to stop Harry. He doesn’t. “’Oh, sheet!’” 

Niall snorts and rolls his eyes; his arms twine around Harry’s neck and link together, holding Harry close as Harry lifts Niall’s hips with one of his hands while the other tugs Niall’s jeans down his legs slowly, gently, as if he’s savoring every little sweetness about Niall. 

It’s all a bunch of muddled, thick emotions in his heart and tummy ― Niall wants this. He does in all honesty, because it has to be Harry. It just has to. But he’s scared at the same time, frightened deep in his bones, and not because of what’s about to take place. He’s scared that he isn’t enough for Harry because Harry deserves the world on a silver platter and Niall can barely afford a pack of gum. Moreover, they’re so different, so diverse, and that’s scary. 

Niall scratches Harry’s scalp while Harry’s fingers trace the hem of Niall’s boxers, dipping in and tickling across the tender, sensitive skin. He’s bucking his hips, grinding up into Harry’s hardness as he slings his legs around Harry’s waist, hooking his feet together just above Harry’s pert bum. 

Harry’s hands shove into Niall’s boxers and jerk, ripping them down, sliding them off and tossing them onto the floor somewhere. Now Niall’s naked, completely bare in more ways than one, and though he’s nervous, wound tight like a string, he is not ashamed or embarrassed. 

“Oh, my…” Harry breathes, taking in Niall’s appearance from head to toe and Niall tries so hard to not curl into himself out of self-consciousness.

“You’re still half-dressed,” Niall whines, cutting Harry off. He’s impatient, blood pounding in his ears; Harry’s breathy chuckle makes him harden all the more, impossibly so. “Please ― please, get undressed. Please. So I can… feel you.” 

“You want to feel me?” 

Niall nods eagerly, enthused, reaching down to undo Harry’s belt and zipper, shoving them down along with his boxers as far as he can while pinned beneath Harry. “Please, Harry,” he begs, voice wavering in a deliciously submissive way. “ _Please._ ” 

Harry only nods, rearing back and pushing off the bed. He stumbles a bit, jeans gathered tightly at the bends of his legs, before quickly shoving them down and stepping out of them. He stands before Niall, tall and lean and masculine, bare and glowing from the faint lamplight. 

And Niall’s never seen anybody so gorgeous, so magnificently stunning before. 

“Oh, Harry,” he murmurs, cheeks red and hot, but he isn’t nervous anymore. Not in the least ― because he’s hard, and Harry’s hard and leaking, and it’s all the confirmation Niall needs to know that this is it, that he’s doing the right thing. 

It’s Harry. It’s always been Harry. 

“Niall, you’re really sure about this right?” Harry asks, suddenly seeming nervous and Niall resists the urge to snog Harry senselessly. 

“Harry, _please_. Please.” 

Harry nods, falling to his knees on the bed and crawling atop Niall. He slots their lips together in a delicate kiss, curling tongues and licking teeth and biting mouths. Harry reaches out, blindly, fiddling about on the nightstand while his other hand moves low, between his and Niall’s flushed bodies. He grabs the base of Niall’s erection, loosely jerking it up. He presses his thumb into the weeping slit and gathers all the moisture there, rubbing it back down, smearing the makeshift lubrication as he softly and tenderly wanks Niall. 

Niall’s about to lose it ― he’s delirious with desire, mad with want, mental with affection, and he doesn’t think he can take much. Harry’s going slow, forcing Niall to savor the drawn-out pleasure of his first time, but the last thing they should do is go slow. 

He’s impatient, running on nothing but curbed adrenaline, and all he wants is more, more, _more_. 

“So pretty, Ni,” Harry murmurs against Niall’s lips, pulling away, “so beautiful.” 

Niall arches into Harry’s delicate touch, whining low in his throat; he turns his head from Harry’s and sees that Harry is struggling to grab the bottle of lube off the nightstand. Hissing, throwing his hand out, Niall wraps his fingers around the lube and drops it beside their tangled legs. 

“Harry… _Harry._ ” 

“Hmm?” Harry hums, smirking as he speeds up just a bit, wiping the liquid up and down Niall’s shaft as he flicks his wrist tightly, dexterously. “What do you need, Niall?” 

“You.” 

“Me?”

“Yeah. Now. _Now._ ” 

Harry slows his movements but doesn’t cease, pressing quick kisses to the pleasure-creased skin between Niall’s blown eyes. “It’ll hurt, ya know.” 

“I know. ‘M ready.” 

“Yeah?” 

Niall gulps, smiling as he moves both hands down to stop Harry’s teasing movements on his red-hot length. Nodding, he says, “Yeah.” 

Harry’s tongue darts out and wets his lips; he gives a firm nod and removes his hands from Niall, using them to reach for the lube as he shimmies down Niall’s pliant body. His mouth attaches to Niall’s left nipple, kissing and licking and sucking, as he blindly coats three fingers with the sticky lubrication while using his free hand to lift Niall’s hips a bit. He circles Niall’s tight rim, slathering it with lube, before easing a single finger in slowly, delicately and a bit hesitantly. 

Niall clenches at the uncomfortable invasion, hissing and tightening his hands as they fist the sheets, and then ― “Why were you telling me these shitty jokes?” 

At that, Harry pulls off Niall’s nipple with a soft smile; saliva pooling at the corner of his mouth and dripping down his chin. It’s kind of cute in a messy, hot way. “’Cause ― because it’s going to hurt, Ni. _It is_ , and I truly don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Oh.” 

Wiggling his finger around, Harry asks, “Do you trust me?” 

Niall tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, forcing himself to relax. He nods. 

“Good. Listen to me, okay? Please.” 

“’Course.” 

“Loosen up, love. You’ve got to ― fuck, you’re tight and hot ― keep yourself relaxed and calm and loose. Yeah, like… like that. Oh… I’m almost all the way…” 

Niall spreads his legs wide, bucking his hips up as he does so, grazing his erection along Harry’s, and it takes away a bit of the distant pain that’s burning his bum. “Oh ―” 

“Shit. I’m going to add another, ‘kay? Can I?” 

Hurriedly, Niall nods, shutting his eyes; Harry slips in another finger, scissoring them, before leaning down and placing his lips on Niall’s, moving their mouths together slowly and sweetly in an attempt to take Niall’s mind off the pain, off the situation, off the incessant need to hurry so they’re not caught. 

And it works. It takes Niall’s mind off of everything and all he can focus on is Harry ― Harry’s careful fingers, Harry’s tender kisses, Harry’s dopey smiles, Harry’s comforting voice. Harry, Harry, _Harry_. 

“Harry,” Niall growls, undulating his hips, striving for maximum friction. “Now, okay? Now.”

Harry just nods and swallows, closing his eyes as he pulls his fingers from Niall’s entrance; he grabs the bottle of lube and squirts a copious amount in his hand. He slicks up his length before gripping the base firmly and pressing against Niall’s puckered rim of muscles, pushing just inside. 

Niall hisses and shuts his eyes, biting hard on his tongue to keep in the grunts of pain.

“Look at me, Ni,” Harry orders. Niall’s eyes flash open, wide and painted with pain and he stares at Harry, drinking in Harry’s sculpted, angular face as Harry rocks his hips and moves inside a bit more. “Just keep your eyes on me, okay?” 

Niall nods. “Okay, Harry. Okay.” 

And he does ― he keeps his eyes locked on Harry’s, pondering over their ever-changing color because sometimes they’re faded moss and other times they’re silvery-green. They’re just really, really pretty no matter what hue they are because they’re Harry’s, and everything about Harry is Niall’s favorite thing. 

A burn hits Niall hard, causing his body to arch and simmer with pain. “Harry ―” 

“I’m in.” Harry’s candy-pink lips are parted and wet, kissed-swollen and plump. 

Niall’s silent as he stares at Harry’s glossy figure leaning over him. 

It hurts, kind of, and stings and burns, but he’s stretched, full and completely connected, and it’s that thought that makes the pain bearable. He was aware before he even decided he wanted to lose his virginity to Harry that it would hurt because he’s not exactly sheltered. He’s heard the words on the streets about anal sex. But that’s just it ― he only thought it was words, nothing more. 

And now he’s here, spread out and damp, biting his lip as his body vibrates with irritation, sprawled out beneath Harry, who’s panting as he waits for Niall to adjust to his girth. 

Who would’ve thought Niall ― tough Niall, who had been predicated to follow in the family’s footsteps towards doom ― would be stretched out beneath a boy, let alone attracted to one? 

“Okay,” Niall grits out, curling his hands in the sheets and gripping tight, knuckles white against the dark cotton. “You can move.” 

Harry grunts and settles his hips more firmly against Niall’s, trapping Niall’s weeping length between their flush bodies, and if Harry would move, just a bit, it would be slick friction on his member, something he desperately needs at the moment. “Yeah? You sure?” 

Niall shakes his head, smiling sheepishly as Harry groans and rolls his eyes. “No… but it’s okay. I’m ready.” 

“Shut up and let me know when it really is okay, okay? I’m not going to hurt you more than I have to.” 

“But ―” 

Harry shuts Niall’s protests with a gentle, abrupt kiss. And really, it’s clichéd and overused and cheesy, but he smiles nonetheless and opens his mouth, allowing Harry total access as their tongues move against one another and curl, tangling and dancing. Niall moans, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and tugging him close, until they’re flush, every little part of their bodies glued together. Little whimpers puff from Niall’s mouth, echoing around the steamy room before Harry swallows them and mimics the noise with gasps of his own. 

Pulling away with a gasp, Niall looks into Harry’s bright, big eyes and says, “Now.” 

“You sure?” Harry asks, and Niall nods. 

Slowly, gently, Harry pulls his hips back, taking his languid time, and thrusts forward just as indolently, rubbing himself all along Niall’s tight walls. Niall hisses, shuts his eyes at the mild discomfort and wiggles his hips in an attempt to find a suitable area he can relax in. Harry moves forward again, and this time he hits a spot inside Niall that has Niall’s eyes snapping wide open and a long, low moan falling from his parted lips. 

“Oh my God ―” 

“Found it,” Harry grunts, moving in and out steadily. With one hand, he grasps Niall’s hip to hold him in place, and with the other he combs Niall’s hair away from his face, pressing his lips to Niall’s forehead and leaving them there, just kissing as he thrusts and bucks and swivels to add to Niall’s sudden, spine-tingling pleasure. 

They pant, breaths mingling; Harry keeps Niall grounded, tethered to the bed in his arms because he’d surely be flying already if Harry’s hold on him wasn’t so strong. It’s sloppy and Niall’s spread out wide and his legs are kind of cramping and he doesn’t really know what to do other than jut his hips up at random, sporadic intervals, but it feels nice ― it feels so good, and Niall wants to cry and cheer and sob and laugh all at once because the pleasure is hysterically wonderful and Harry is a work of art, too. 

Harry jolts not a moment later, whining low in his throat as his body stutters with the onslaught of pleasure. Niall’s in complete awe as he watches the boy above him come undone, wallowing in ecstasy and the warming, feel-good hormones leave both of their beings in a melted butter-like state. 

Harry collapses against him, keeping them connected and hot. Their bodies are sweaty and sticky and it’s kind of awkward now, except Harry lifts his head slightly, smiling down at Niall, “you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs with dopey eyes, and Niall has never felt as content as he does in that moment. 

 

*****

 

“Zayn!” Niall smiles happily as he approaches his friend at the booth. Zayn smiles back, standing up slightly to hug Niall, before Niall slides into the seat in front of him.

“Hey kiddo,” Zayn greets, and Niall rolls his eyes.

“Look, just because you’re couple of years older than me, doesn’t give you the right to call me kiddo.” Niall retorts, picking one of the fries from the plate and throwing it towards Zayn.

Zayn laughs, his eyes crinkling and Niall can’t help but smile back. He misses Zayn. Not that he will admit it out loud.

“So, how are you?” Zayn asks once Niall put down the menu and finished his order.

He leans back against the seat, shrugging slightly. “I’m fine. How are you though?” Niall asks instead.

“I’m fine. Same old, same old. Oh, by the way, Amy got a job in one of the catering companies over here.” Zayn tells him and Niall straightens up.

“Really? Ah, I really should meet her later, kinda miss her, you know?”

Zayn nods understandingly. “You two-,” he trails staring at Niall unsurely. “Are you sure you two don’t have anything between you?”

Niall laughs, shaking his head. “No, we tried it once, remember? Didn’t work.” He tells Zayn casually. “Plus, I’m with Harry now,” he mumbles quietly, hoping that he won’t get flustered in front of Zayn. He knows Zayn would never let him down for it. It reminds him of Louis who likes to tease him, or maybe Louis reminds him of Zayn because they’re both similar in that sense.

Zayn raises his eyebrows and smiles cheekily at Niall. “So, tell me about Harry.”

“Huh? About what?”

Zayn shrugs, leaning back against his seat. “How serious are you with him? And does everyone knows about it?”

Niall sighs, knowing that the question is inevitable. Zayn is not the type to be nosy as far as Niall has known him, but he definitely is the type of person who looks after his friend. “No one knows about it. Just us. And you.”

“Oh,” Zayn replies simply. “How long are you planning to hide it from everyone? Wouldn’t they eventually find out about it if you two act like a couple or something?”

Niall shrugs, gazing towards the window briefly before looking at Zayn again. “We’re kinda being cautious about it? Like, we make sure that we don’t raise any suspicion from anyone. Harry disagreed at first, but I don’t know, we’re working it out now.”

Zayn hums, staring at Niall intensely and Niall can’t help but squirm under Zayn’s gaze. “What?”

Zayn shakes his head. “You need to let your guard down, Niall.”

“What do you mean?” Niall replies defensively. He thinks he knows what Zayn is trying to say but he refuses to accept it.

“What I mean is, what’s the harm of admitting your relationship to anyone else? At least his family? And your new friend, Louis? I’ve heard lots about them from you and from what I’ve heard, they seem to love you, so why don’t you let them in?” Zayn says and Niall swears Zayn is the most perceptive friend that he has ever had. Not that he has many friends, but Zayn definitely knows him inside out.

“I don’t know, Zayn.” Niall says, slumping against his seat. He feels conflicted with himself sometimes. The feeling of having people who love him is both comforting and terrifying at the same time.

 

*****

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Niall,” Harry says, crossing his arms over his chest as Niall starts to pick up his shirt from the floor, not bothering to look for a clean shirt at the moment. All he knows is that Greg had called and asked for help to deliver ‘some-thing’ to someone in Chino to settle his debt or else someone would kill him in the jail.

Niall thinks it was a mistake to tell Harry about it when he sees the disapproving look on Harry’s face. Harry’s still standing in the middle of the pool house, watching Niall intensely. Niall ignores him, resuming putting on his shoes and trying his best not to fall off the edge of the bed where he’s sitting. 

“It won’t take long,” Niall says easily. “I would just drop the thing to that guy, have a few words, and then it’ll be settled. Simple. And Greg would be safe.”

Harry shakes his head. “Why don’t you just ask my dad to help?”

“You don’t understand,” Niall says, starting to get frustrated with Harry. “He’s my brother. I’m the one that’s supposed to help him. Not your dad.”

Harry rolls his eyes, throwing his arms in the air. “What don’t I understand? Your brother is in jail? Now you want to help him despite the risk of being caught and getting thrown into the juvie again? Are you going to throw yourself in jail too? Throw your future away?”

“What? Like my whole family did?” Niall snaps, scoffing slightly as he moves to grab his wallet and keys from the bedside table. He’s absolutely mad. “No matter how bad they are, they’re still my family and I won’t leave them if they need me.”

“But that’s the thing, Niall. It’s not your job to fix your family. You’re not the only one with a broken family. My mum and dad are not together either, we’re in the same boat.”

Niall stops moving, glancing up to look at Harry disbelievingly. He can’t believe how self-absorbed Harry can be. “How can you compare _your_ family with mine? At least you still have Robin as your father, and you’re still talking to your real dad. But me? For now I only have Greg, and that’s enough of a reason for me to help him.”

“Oh my god, why are you so stubborn?” Harry yells in frustration. “Don’t you remember what you had promised my mom? You said there’d be no more fighting, no more dealing with your past life. Don’t you remember what you had promised _me_?”

Niall feels his blood boil at Harry’s words. “Oh yeah, right, make it all about you, why don’t you? You know what, this kind of attitude reminds me why I don’t like spoilt rich kids so much.”

“Really? You clearly didn’t think about it when you let me fuck you!”

Silence echoes in the room after Harry blurts out the words and Niall clenches his fist, trying to calm himself down before he ends up punching something, or rather someone.

“You know what? If you can’t accept my decision, then you’d better leave me alone.” Niall spits, before he pushes by Harry and walks out of the door. 

 

*****

 

“You alright?” Greg asks as soon as he sits in front of Niall in the visiting room.

Niall nods, wincing slightly at the throbbing pain behind his head. He prays that it’s just a bump and not a concussion because he for sure doesn’t want to explain anything to Anne or Robin, or worst Harry. He knows the risk, and knowing the guy from his neighbourhood, it’s pretty much inevitable for him to receive a brunt or two for any _deal._

“Consider the debt settled.” Niall tells his brother. “And this is the last time I’ll help you. I can’t do this anymore, Greg.”

Greg looks at him, nodding understandingly. “I know. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again with this kind of shit. I know you have a new life now.”

“But that doesn’t mean I won’t see you or anything,” Niall blurts out suddenly. He doesn’t want his brother to misconstrue his words.

“I know,” Greg says, smiling slightly. “You go out there and make Horans proud, okay? Among all of us, you’re the one who deserves it.”

“Greg-,” Niall warns, not wanting his brother to get all sentimental.

“What? I’m just telling you the truth.” Greg shrugs lightly. Silence falls between them after that until one of the guards reminds them that the visiting hour is almost over. “Just, when I get out of here, can I just, you know, can I call you or something?”

Niall nods. “Of course you can. You’re my brother.” He tells Greg, feeling lighter than before when Greg’s smile widens.

“You’re a good brother, Niall.” Greg says. “Take care of yourself out there, yeah?”

 

*****

 

Niall opens the door of the pool house tiredly. He’s too tired to do anything, even to switch on the light. He winces slightly as his hand gingerly touches his bruised ribs. He knows it will take days to heal but at least he’s grateful that nobody will see the bruise and freak out, especially Anne. Niall drags his feet towards the bed but stops dead when he notices a hunched figure sitting on the edge of the bed. Niall reaches for the bedside lamp, switches it on, and sees Harry when the dim light illuminates the room. 

“Harry?” Niall asks confusingly, wondering why in the hell Harry is in the pool house at nearly 3 o’clock in the morning.

“Harry? What’s wrong?” Niall calls out again when Harry doesn’t move, sitting too still for Niall’s liking. He crouches down in front of Harry, trying to see Harry’s face which is still looking down on the ground. 

Once Harry lifts his face up, Niall starts to panic when he sees tears rolling down Harry’s cheeks. “What happened?” Niall asks, trying to sound calm but inside he is worried. Harry’s face looks devastated and when Niall reaches closer towards him, he can smell the stench of alcohol coming from Harry’s body. He takes Harry’s hand into his, trying to coax Harry to talk because honestly, Harry is scaring him with his silence. 

“I’m so sorry, Niall, I’m so sorry,” Harry suddenly blurts out, letting out a huge sob. Niall has never felt as confused as he feels at the moment. 

“What for? If this is about the fight that we had this morning, I’m sorry too. I know it was my-,”

“I slept with Liam,” Harry blurts out and Niall feels his heart crumble. He drops Harry’s hands out of reflex as if those hands are burning him along with the words that just came out of Harry’s mouth. 

“You slept with Liam.” Niall deadpans numbly, not knowing what else to say. 

Harry stares at Niall, still crying and he looks so miserable that Niall _almost_ feels sorry for him but Niall can’t get Harry’s words out of his mind. _I slept with Liam._

“I didn’t mean to! We went out for drinks because I was upset with you, and I was drunk, _we_ were drunk and one thing led to another, and I, I didn’t mean to, Niall. I’m so sorry.” Harry cries, trying to grab Niall’s hands but Niall quickly scrambles away, standing up abruptly and completely ignoring the effect of the quick movement on his bruised ribs. 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest as he stares at Harry and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you, of all people, would turn out to be like my mother.” He says with a calm voice but Niall knows the words hit Harry hard as he flinches slightly. 

“That’s unfair,” Harry mumbles and Niall snorts loudly, shaking his head. 

“There’s nothing unfair about it!” Niall hisses. “I told you over and over again that there are reasons why I didn’t like when my mother was drunk, and _this_ , this was one of the reasons. Making stupid mistakes, like, I don’t know, sleeping with your ex-boyfriend while you’re in a relationship?” 

“I’m so sorry, I was just upset and then-,” Harry chokes on his sob, trying to explain but Niall can’t hear any more of it. 

“I think you need to leave.” Niall says and Harry’s eyes widen. 

“But, I-,” Harry says, standing up as he starts to walk towards Niall but Niall backs away, putting a great distance between him and Harry. “I’m so sorry, Niall. I promise, I won’t ever touch alcohol again. I just want you to forgive me, I truly didn’t mean to sleep with Liam. It was just a mistake.” 

“Well, you know what? I think _we_ are a mistake.” Niall blurts out, taking a deep breath and before Harry can say anything, he speaks up again. “I think we’re too young to be in a relationship. That’s why we always have stupid arguments and keep making stupid mistakes.” 

Another round of sobs come out of Harry’s mouth and Niall tears his gaze away, scared that he would crumble under those green eyes. The green eyes that he loves and hates at the same time. Especially at the moment. 

“Niall, please, I lo-,” 

“Stop.” Niall says quickly, shaking his head. “You broke my trust, Harry. It’s over. _We_ are over.” 

Harry shakes his head, trying to step closer to Niall but Niall keeps backing away. “Niall, please. Let me makes it up to you. Please. I don’t want to lose you.” Harry pleads, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Just-,” Niall exhales shakily, voice cracking as he’s trying to hold back his tears until Harry is out of his sight. “-leave me alone.” 

 

*****

 

The first thing that Niall notices as soon as he opens his eyes is the pounding in his head. He groans out loud, trying to remember how he got such a vicious headache in the first place. He kicks the duvet off slightly, and the second thing that he notices is that he’s naked under the blanket. He rolls to his back, blinking his eyes open confusingly. He never went to sleep naked, especially since the pool house is quite open for everyone to come in. He starts to stretch his arms wide open when his left arm hits a lump besides him. 

Niall’s eyes widen, and he rolls his head towards the left only to see the back of someone’s head with long brunette hair. He pulls up the blanket and gasps in horror when the person rolls towards him. “Amy?!” He calls out, quickly sitting up, his blanket pooling down to his waist. He glances around and that’s when he realizes he’s not in the pool house. Suddenly, everything that happened the night before comes rushing back into his mind. 

Bumping into Amy. Talking to Amy. Amy inviting him to her room, for old time’s sake. The weed. The out-of-mind feels after they smoked which undoubtedly led to the position they’re in now. 

“Did we-,” Niall trails off, eyes gazing towards Amy’s obvious naked figure. He fists the hem of blanket tightly, hoping that they didn’t do anything. Unfortunately, Amy nods and Niall knows he had slept with her. 

Amy seems to notice Niall’s tense posture and she sits up too, covering her bare chest with the blanket, before reaching for Niall’s arm and squeezing it gently. “Hey, it’s okay. You were upset about the breakup, and I was trying to distract you. I mean, _you_ said it was just for the old time’s sake?” She ends the words unsurely, and Niall’s never felt more horrible.

“I’m so sorry, Amy. I didn’t-, I wasn’t-,” Niall stutters, suddenly running out of words to say. He didn’t mean to use Amy like that. Hell, he wasn’t even planning to sleep with anyone just because he was upset. 

Amy smiles understandingly at him, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I know.” She assures and Niall is so grateful to have a friend like her. It’s not the first time they ended up like this but they grew out of the habit when they lost contact with each other after Niall moved to Orange County. “Look, you and I both know that this means nothing, right? We were too caught up in the moment last night. So, don’t worry about it, yeah?” Amy says before lying down again and closing her eyes, probably wanting to continue with her sleep. 

Niall just nods silently, not knowing how to respond to that. He grabs his phone from the bedside table and scrolls down the unread messages on the display screen. He reads one from Anne, who had sent him a short _take care xx_ message, and Niall doesn’t even remember when he texted her about not coming home for the night. 

Niall’s stomach clenches when he sees another message blinking across the display. From Harry. He swallows a big lump in his throat when he reads the words. 

_I miss you, Niall._

Niall closes the message and throws his phone back onto the table before leaning against the bedpost, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. He closes his eyes, and the first person that he sees in his mind is Harry. He can’t help but feel like screaming out of frustration. He feels like a hypocrite, berating Harry for sleeping with Liam and here he is, sleeping with Amy just because he was feeling upset too. 

What has he done? 

 

*****

 

“Hey, young man, I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” Anne greets as soon as Niall steps into the kitchen. Niall smiles sheepishly at Anne and completely avoids Harry, who’s sitting on the stool silently.

“Yeah, sorry, I got caught up with school stuff these past few days,” Niall replies easily, moving around the table to reach for the cereal box but before he can reach it, Harry pushes the box into his hand. Niall mumbles his thanks, pouring the cereal into his bowl without even glancing up to look at Harry. 

Anne hums, sipping on her coffee as she sits down in front of Niall at the table. “We’re going out today, you want to join us?” 

Niall glances up, swallowing the last bite of his cereal before he replies. “I have a plan with my friend today, so probably not.” 

“Ah, who’s this friend? Do I know him? Or her?” Anne teases, raising her eyebrows suggestively. 

Niall snorts, ignoring the way Harry suddenly straightens up and looks at him. He knows the reason he didn’t come to the main house for the past few days was because he wanted to avoid Harry. He didn’t think he could face Harry after what Harry had done, after what _he,_ himself had done. It’s too complicated for Niall to deal with. 

“Her name’s Amy.” Niall says simply, not bothering to give any other explanation. Anne nods, satisfied with the answer, but it seems like Harry has other ideas because he suddenly breaks his silence. 

“I’ve never heard her name before.” Harry points out. 

Niall shrugs lightly. “She was my neighbor back home.” He replies reluctantly. If it was up to him, he probably wouldn’t answer or even acknowledge Harry’s presence. But Anne is with them and Niall doesn’t want her to think that something had happened between him and Harry. 

“Do you want to borrow my car? You can take mine if you want,” Anne offers, and Niall shakes his head. 

“No, thanks. She has a car, she’s picking me up.” Niall says, finishing the last bite from his bowl, before moving to the sink to rinse it. 

Niall doesn’t know what else to do in the kitchen without feeling awkward because of Harry, so he excuses himself quickly and leaves the house, not realizing that he had been holding his breath for the whole time. 

 

*****

 

“I don’t get it. I thought you were over this brooding thing.” Amy comments as she walks beside Niall while wandering around the mall. 

Niall rolls his eyes, resisting the urge to pinch Amy’s arms for making the same comment for the past hour. It’s not exactly his fault that he’s being forced to accompany her for a shoe shopping trip, but if the alternative is sitting at home and having to spend time with Harry, he’d rather go out with Amy. Except, he can’t stop thinking about Harry and he hates himself for it. 

“Look, we’ve been wandering for like _hours_ , how come you still can’t find the perfect shoes for yourself?” Niall whines, and Amy lets out a loud laugh. She’s about to say something when suddenly Niall hears his name being called. 

He turns around, and much to Niall’s horror, he comes face to face with Anne _and_ Harry, who stares at Niall and Amy with a piercing gaze. 

“Ah, so this is Amy, you’re so beautiful,” Anne gushes, making a beeline towards Amy. Niall almost laughs at the comical expression on Amy’s face when Anne hugs her tightly. _Almost_ , because he notices the way Harry is staring at him, and then at Amy before looking back at him again, as if to ask Niall what the hell is going on. 

Niall doesn’t know what comes over him, but he suddenly wraps his arm around Amy’s shoulder and if he can see how Amy is looking at him confusingly, he chooses to ignore it. “What are you doing here?” Niall asks Anne calmly, hoping that his poker face won’t betray him for Harry to see. For some reason, he loves seeing the pained look on Harry’s face when he sees Niall’s arms around Amy’s shoulder. 

“I’m looking for new shoes,” Anne replies simply and Niall internally groans at that answer. 

“Really? Me-,” Amy squeals but Niall clasps his hand over Amy’s mouth quickly before she can finish her sentence. 

“We’re just heading out now, what with her working tonight and all,” Niall replies, ignoring the way Amy is licking the palm of his hand. He won’t let her ruin his plan of avoiding Harry, not a chance. 

Before Anne or Harry can say anything, Niall hastily pulls Amy in the other direction. “See you at the house,” he calls over his shoulder before he leaves both of them alone. 

Once they reach a secluded corner, far from Anne and Harry’s sight, Niall removes his hand from Amy’s mouth and wipes the trace of saliva on his pants. “Gross,” he mutters, which earns him a smack on his head courtesy of Amy. 

“Why did you do that for?” Amy asks, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at Niall intently. 

Niall really wants to lie but Amy knows him too well and Niall knows he can’t escape from telling her the truth. “I just don’t want to see Harry.”

Amy stares at Niall silently, before she finally shakes her head, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” She snorts. 

Niall raises his eyebrows, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Amy rolls her eyes, before she moves closer to Niall and smacks his head again. “What I meant was, you obviously miss him and he obviously misses you, I’m not blind. He was literally murdering me with his stare earlier,” Amy says, shuddering dramatically. 

Niall snorts, shaking his head, “Shut up.” 

 

*****

 

“That’s it!” Louis grumbles, grabbing the controller from Niall’s hand and startling him. Niall raises his eyebrows as he watches Louis throw both of their controllers away. 

“What?” Niall asks Louis confusingly when the older guy switches off the screen and turns to look at Niall with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Harry’s upset, you’re brooding. God damn it, trouble in paradise already?” Louis blurts out. 

Niall’s eyes widen in surprise, not knowing how to respond. He never thought Louis knew about him and Harry. However, before Niall can say anything, Louis starts to snort. “Don’t act so surprise, as if I don’t know what’s going on between you two.”

“Louis-,” Niall trails off, swallowing the guilt he feels when he notices the hurt expression on Louis’ face. 

Louis shakes his head, cutting Niall off before he can continue. “Look, in my 20 years of living, and I guess that’s how long I’ve known Harry too, I’ve never seen him get upset like this. Not even after he broke up with Liam.” Louis tells Niall. “So, tell me, what the hell is wrong? What happened between you two?” 

Niall averts Louis’s gaze, grabbing a cushion from the couch and trying to ignore Louis’s question. But he knows how persistent Louis is. “Nothing’s wrong.” 

Louis sighs in frustration, rubbing his temple like he’s the one who’s really stressed over the situation. Niall wonders how much Harry had told Louis about their relationship or about their breakup. Or even about the chea-, 

“Look, I don’t know what’s wrong, but both of you need to figure this thing out. I feel like I haven’t met both of you since _ages._ Whenever I asked you to hang out, Harry excused himself, whenever I asked Harry to hang out, _you_ gave me the same excuse. What the hell? I thought I only had to go through situations like these when my parents divorced. Not from both of you.” 

Niall sighs heavily as he slumps against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. “It’s complicated.” 

“What’s complicated?” Louis asks, taking a seat beside Niall. “Harry didn’t say much except he kept saying that he screwed up, and I couldn’t understand. Nobody explained anything to me.” 

Niall closes his eyes, his heart constricting at the thought of Harry, the image of Harry’s face during that night, crying and pleading for Niall to forgive him. It’s still fresh in Niall’s mind. “Can we just not talk about this right now?” Niall pleads. 

Louis must notice the final tone in Niall’s voice as he finally slumps in defeat. “Fine, I just want to let you know that I ain’t finish with both of you yet.” 

 

*****

 

Niall leans against the banister, smiling as he watches the beautiful orange sky. He glances at his phone briefly, reading Louis’s message again. It said something about how Louis would be late to the pier. Niall shakes his head. “Punctual, my ass,” he mutters to himself. Niall pushes his phone back into his pocket and continues watching the wide sea and the sky and enjoying the sound of the waves. He loves the pier. It’s his favorite place to chill besides the pool house. 

“Hey.” 

Niall turns around quickly, surprised as he hears the familiar voice. Instead of Louis, he comes face to face with Harry, who smiles at him sheepishly. “What are you doing here?” Niall asks curiously. 

Harry adjusts the watch on his wrist, looking slightly nervous and Niall wants to know the reason. 

“Louis texted me,” Harry replies simply. Suddenly it all clicks in Niall’s mind and he groans slightly when he realizes what Louis is doing. He should’ve known better now. Louis would never let the thing go until it is resolved, especially after he nagged Niall the other day. 

Niall sighs and makes a move to leave, but Harry’s blocking his way, squaring up his shoulder and staring right into Niall’s eyes. “Can we talk?” Harry asks. “ _Please?_ ” 

Niall wants to say no, but he remembers what Louis had said about Harry being upset and not being _Harry_ and part of Niall is feeling guilty about it. He knows the reason why. He’s been avoiding Harry since their break up. And to be honest, Niall doesn’t feel like he talking at the moment but he doesn’t want to be unfair to Harry. So finally, Niall nods, leaning against the banister again and Harry occupies the empty spot beside him. 

They both fall into silence for a bit, staring at the sunset, before Harry finally clears his throat and breaks the silence, “I miss you so much, Niall.” 

Niall swallows a lump in his throat, but remains silent, waiting for Harry to continue. 

“I don’t know what else I can do to beg for your forgiveness for what happened between Liam and me, but one thing I do know is, I don’t want to let that ruin _us._ ” Harry says, glancing briefly towards Niall. “I regret that night, _so_ much. I just, I’m so sorry, Niall.” He says sincerely. “I don’t want to lose you. I want to win your heart and your trust back and I’m willing to work for that. And if you’re still mad at me, I understand.”

Niall remains still, not even turning his head to look at Harry. He doesn’t know where to begin. “I’m not mad at you, not anymore.” Niall says finally. “I’m mad at myself.”

From the corner of his eyes, Niall can see the confused expression on Harry’s face. “Why?” 

Niall inhales deeply, trying to gather the courage before he finally blurts it out. “I slept with Amy.” 

Both of them fall into silence. Niall dares to glance briefly at Harry, only to see Harry staring at him blankly. There’s no trace of anger, or hate, or annoyance. Niall feels so unsettled under Harry’s gaze, as if Harry is asking him to say more, so he does, “I went out the night after we broke up and bumped into her. We ended up chilling at her house and getting high. We didn’t even realize -,” Niall trails off, too ashamed of himself to continue. “I guess, I’m a hypocrite now, huh? I was mad at you for getting drunk and being stupid, and it turned out I did the same too.” Niall says bitterly. That’s one of the reasons why he’d been avoiding Harry. He feels ashamed of himself. 

Niall shakes his head when Harry remains silent and he chuckles humorlessly. “Guess now that you know it, I don’t think you want me back, huh?” He points out, too afraid to look at Harry so he stares at the sky instead, hoping that Harry will leave him alone. He knows Harry must hate him now. 

“I still want you back, Ni,” Harry says. Niall turns his head quickly to look at him in disbelief.

“Why?” 

Harry doesn’t reply right away, instead he moves closer to Niall and raises his hands, reaching for Niall’s face. He cups Niall’s face, caressing Niall’s cheeks with his thumbs gently and Niall can’t move. He can barely feel his legs when Harry leans their foreheads against each other, staring right into his eyes. “Because I really, really, really, like you.” Harry whispers, and it feels too loud to Niall’s ears. “I made a mistake, you made a mistake, and it’s okay. We’re both human. We’re not perfect.” Harry continues. “I just want us to start over. Can we try this, one more time?” 

Niall’s lost in Harry’s eyes, and he can see how it shines with unshed tears. It makes Niall want to cry too because he can’t believe that there’s anyone who really wants him, especially someone like Harry. Niall doesn’t know how to respond. On one hand he wants to say no, but on other hand he can’t lie to himself that he’s been missing Harry too. Finally, he nods. “Yeah, we can try.”

 

*****

 

“Have you ever thought about college?”

Niall glances up from his book, tilting his head to the left to look at Harry. He pulls out the tip of the pen from his mouth, a bad habit that he developed when he was a kid and couldn’t grow out of it. “I’m not sure,” Niall replies, shrugging lightly. 

Harry doesn’t say anything for a moment, only nodding and closing his book on the table before he shifts slightly, turning his body to face Niall. “Why not? You’re smart. I’m sure you can get into any college that you want.” 

Niall rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “I’m not _that_ smart,” he says, “not like you.” 

Harry chuckles, raising his hand and bopping Niall’s nose with his finger lightly, making Niall scrunch his nose and swat Harry’s hand away. “Just because I got into advanced programs at school so I could graduate early doesn’t mean I’m smarter than anyone. I was just bored with school. I love photography, I didn’t want to waste my time finding the value of x and y in algebra.” 

Niall laughs, nodding understandingly. After all, he has been stuck with the same math problem for over an hour and he thinks he understands the frustration Harry experienced. “Have you ever applied anywhere to pursue your interest, honestly?” 

“Well, honestly, I got an offer from Columbia University. For their visual arts course.” 

Niall’s eyes widen, and he stares at Harry with amazement. “As in Columbia University in New York?” He asks and Harry simply nods. Niall whistles lightly. “Wow, when is the registration date?” 

Harry hums, shrugging slightly. “I’m not sure yet. But I’m thinking of putting it on hold first.” 

“Why?” Niall asks curiously. 

Harry lowers his gaze suddenly, refusing to look at Niall and Niall can’t help but feel so confused. “Okay, don’t laugh at me.” 

Niall nods, raising his hand as if he’s taking an oath. “I promise.” 

Harry sighs softly and Niall watches as he plays with the edge of the table, a nervous habit of Harry’s that Niall has picked up. Sometimes Niall thinks that they’re the same person in the sense of being fidgety when they’re nervous. Harry clears his throat briefly before he starts to talk again. “I don’t want to leave you alone here. I mean, I want to wait until you graduate then maybe, _maybe_ we can go to uni together or something.” 

Niall blinks his eyes, as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Harry-,” Niall trails off, too speechless to say anything. He never thought that someone would do that for him, put their lives on hold just because of Niall. Nobody ever did that for him. 

“Sorry if I’m creeping you out, I just-,”

Niall doesn’t wait for Harry to continue as he leans forward and grabs Harry’s face with his hands, kissing his boyfriend fiercely. Once he pulls away, he can’t help but grin at Harry. “You’re an idiot,” he says fondly. Niall mentally congratulates himself when Harry beams happily, the trace of uncertainty no longer there. 

“Oi, knock it off you two!” Louis’s voice suddenly appears, startling both Harry and Niall. “I clearly remember that you asked me to lend my study room for studying, not snogging.” He points out, walking towards the table. 

Niall grins, not saying anything while Harry starts to laugh. “Jealous much, Louis?” Harry teases. 

Louis rolls his eyes and plops down on one of the chairs across the table. “I’m not jealous at all. In case you two forgot, I was the savior a few weeks ago.” 

Harry sobers at Louis’s words. “Yes, you were. Thank you so much for that, Lou,” Harry says, smiling gently at Louis, as he takes Niall’s hand into his under the table, squeezing it gently and Niall squeezes back. 

 

*****

 

“Wow, is this your new car?” Niall asks, whistling a bit as he rounds the navy blue car when it stops in front of the house, while Zayn leans against the hood and lights a cigarette. 

Zayn exhales the smoke once, before he nods. “Yeah, not brand new, but you know.” 

Niall nods understandingly but still admires the car. “Cool, bro,” Louis says suddenly and Niall almost slaps himself for forgetting about Louis. 

“Zayn, this is Louis,” Niall introduces, gesturing with his thumb. “Louis, this is Zayn.”

Zayn grins slightly. “Ah, so you’re the infamous Louis,” he says, shaking Louis’s hand. 

Louis grins too, nodding at Zayn. “Oh yeah, I don’t know what he has told you about me, but I bet he said I’m a legend, am I right?” 

Niall snorts, while Zayn laughs. “I like you,” he says, before throwing the butt of his cigarette on the ground and crushing it with his heels. Niall kicks it towards the drain, not wanting Anne or Robin to question him about it later when they get home. “So, what’s on the agenda today?” 

Niall sighs slightly. “Harry’s present,” he replies. “Remember?”

Zayn chuckles. “Oh yeah, that boyfriend of yours. I almost forgot. I thought you’d bring him along.” 

Louis snorts, leaning against the car’s hood and taking a spot beside Zayn. He shakes his head. “God, please no. You don’t know how much I have to deal with the two of them, Zayn. _Always_ exchanging heart eyes when they’re together,” Louis whines. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows at Niall, and Niall wants to cover his flustered cheeks under Zayn’s gaze. “Wow, you’re really head over heels for this guy, huh?” 

“They both are, Zayn.” Louis replies before Niall can say anything. “You have no idea how much I have to suffer from the amount of cheesiness these two emanate.” Louis says, taking a stick of cigarette that Zayn offers. 

“Yeah, look at his glowing face. I figure Harry must be the reason.” Zayn teases. 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest, squinting at his friends. This is the reason why he didn’t want them to meet. He knows Zayn and Louis have quite the same personalities. “Are you two done teasing me?” 

Louis laughs, before he exhales the smoke. “Never.” He replies cheekily. 

Before Niall can protest, his phone starts to buzz and he fishes it out from his pocket. 

_Miss you already xx– H._

Niall smiles instinctively at the screen and starts to type his reply. 

“See, look at his face.” Louis teases, but Niall has learnt to ignore Louis’s bait. He knows Louis is just fishing for Niall retaliation. “Where is Harry anyway?” 

Niall locks his phone before putting it in his pocket again. “He has a photoshoot job for his friend’s graduation.” 

“Ah, too bad. I really want to meet him.” Zayn says, swinging the car keys in his hand. “So, should we go now?” 

Louis quickly yells, “Shotgun!” before he runs towards the passenger door. 

Niall shakes his head as he watches Louis go. He feels Zayn’s arms on his shoulder and tilts his head up to see Zayn is smiling at him. “One day, I need to thank this Harry guy. You really seem different now. You seem, happier. I’m glad, Niall.” 

Niall smiles back at Zayn, “Me too,” he says and this time he really means it. 

 

*****

 

“I like your present,” Harry says and Niall tilts his head to the left, smiling at his beaming boyfriend. “Thanks, it’s beautiful.” 

“You’re most welcome.” Niall says, trying so hard to resist the urge to grab Harry’s face and kiss him right there and then. But he knows he can’t. Not when there are so many people around them. Some are mingling around holding a wine glass, some are laughing as they enjoy whatever gossip they’re talking about, and there’s also Robin and Anne – twirling on the dance floor, having fun. 

“Louis helped me with the choice.” Niall admits when he sees Harry can’t stop staring at the pendant and admiring its beauty. 

Harry glances up, smiling at Niall. “Ah, no wonder he disappeared with you the other day. I thought he was kidnapping you or something.” 

Niall grins, nods and continues to sip his drink.

“Do you want to dance?” Harry asks suddenly making Niall chokes on his drink. 

“What?” Niall stutters, trying to ease the choke while Harry thumps his back gently. When Niall can properly breathe again, he blinks at Harry. “Dance? Here?” Niall asks dumbly, as if Harry has lost his mind. 

Harry doesn’t reply, instead he grabs Niall’s arm, and pulls him towards the dance floor. 

“Harry,” Niall warns, trying to pull his arm out of Harry’s grip but Harry just keeps walking, grinning at Niall briefly. 

“Look, don’t worry. No one will suspect anything.” Harry assures as they reach the dance floor. “See, Louis and Josh are enjoying the dance of their life.” Harry points out and Niall turns his head to look at both of them. He sees Louis laugh loudly at Josh’s antics as they dance to the song that’s playing without any care in the world. He can see Eleanor hovering nearby, just clapping happily as she watches her boyfriend. 

Niall turns his head to look at Harry again and it proves to be a mistake because Harry is looking at him with those damn green eyes, pleading for Niall to agree. The way Harry’s eyes are gazing at him makes his resolve crumble and finally, he relents. “Fine.” 

Harry cheers softly before he leads Niall to an empty spot on the dance floor. “How are we doing this?” He asks, and Niall shrugs. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Before Niall knows it, Harry stands in front of him and pulls him closer, putting his hand on Niall’s waist. Niall tenses for a moment, but when he sees that nobody is looking at them, he feels more at ease and places his hand on Harry’s shoulder. 

_Staring at the moon so blue…turning all my thoughts to you…I was without hopes or dreams…I tried to dull an inner scream…but you saw me through…_

_“You took my heart away, when my whole world was gray…”_ Harry sing along, staring at Niall. 

Niall can feel his heart beat rapidly throughout the song as Harry keeps singing the lyrics to him when they dance. “You’re blushing,” Harry says and Niall groans. “Shut up,” he mumbles under his breath, and tries his best to not hide his face in the crook of Harry’s neck. 

Niall thanks his lucky stars when the song changes to an upbeat one and they pull away from each other. He can’t help but miss the warmth of Harry’s touch. It doesn’t take long before Harry grabs his hand again, trying to lead Niall through the fast song. Niall doesn’t recognize the song, but he plays along and starts to loosen up, especially when Louis joins them. 

“Dorks,” Niall hears Louis mutter when he and Harry can’t stop moving randomly to the beat of the other songs. Niall laughs, ignoring Louis as he walks away and starts to twirl Harry around playfully. The move ends up with Harry bumping into someone, making the person shriek surprisingly and turn around to face them. 

“Amy?” Niall asks confusingly when he sees her face. “What are you doing here?” 

Beside him, Niall can feel Harry’s body go still and Niall remembers how Harry had admitted that he was jealous of Niall’s relationship with Amy. Harry’s hand brushes against Niall’s and he glances at Harry to smile at him reassuringly. 

“Hi Harry, happy birthday,” Amy wishes briefly, and Harry smiles, nodding politely at her. “Thanks.” 

Niall’s still watching Amy, waiting for her to answer his earlier question. Amy stares back at as if she understands that Niall is waiting for her answer. “Anne saw me outside and let me in.” 

Niall nods, noticing Amy’s frown and he feels his heart drop. Amy rarely looks like she did in that moment. She looks pale and not as lively as she has always been. Instinctively Niall’s protective mode kicks in. “Did something happen?” he asks worriedly. 

“Can I talk to you?” Amy asks, eyes flickering towards Harry briefly before they land on Niall again. “Alone?” 

 

*****

 

There’s a rush of blood in Niall’s ears and he’s glad he’s sitting down as Amy’s words keep ringing in his ears, making his head spin and he doesn’t think he can stand upright at the moment. 

“You’re pregnant,” Niall says dumbfounded, and when he says it out loud, he can feel how scary those words are. He didn’t expect those words to come out of Amy’s mouth when they took their seats on the patio chair away from the house and everyone else. _I’m pregnant, Niall._

He stares at Amy’s face, and his heart drops to his stomach when he sees tears forming in her eyes. He knows it must be terrifying for her too. Instinctively he grabs Amy’s hand and rubs his thumb gently atop of it, “How far along are you?” 

Amy sniffs, wiping some tears off her cheeks and stares at Niall. “The doctor said it’s almost three months now.” 

Niall nods silently, too speechless to say anything else. He has too many questions running inside his head at the moment. When did Amy first find out? What is she going to do? What are _they_ going to do now? 

Niall pulls his hand away from Amy’s, giving them both time to bask in silence. He knows Amy must still be in shock about it and frankly speaking, so is he.

“I’m moving back to Chino," Amy blurts out and Niall’s eyes widen. 

“What?” 

“I just-,” Amy trails off, sighing softly. “I want my mom closer, okay? And I don’t think I can work as hard as I did before so I don’t think I can afford to pay my rent here anymore.” 

Niall’s mind is whirling, trying to figure out what to say and what to do. It’s all too much for him to take in in one night, but somehow he feels like Amy is suffering the most in this matter. After all, she’s the one who’s carrying the baby, not Niall. As surreal as Niall feels about it, he knows Amy must be feeling worse. 

“I’ll come with you.” Niall says suddenly and Amy turns her head to look at Niall again. 

“You don’t have to. I just wanted to let you know, I’m not forcing you to go with me,” Amy insists. 

Niall shakes his head. “I’ll come with you, don’t worry about it, okay?” 

Niall’s gaze lands on the house and for a moment he feels so out of place, like he doesn’t belong there. His eyes land on a familiar figure in the house, _Harry_. Niall feels like he wants to scream into the void and hopes the ground would swallow him because the most important question is, how is he going to break the news to Harry? 

 

*****

 

Niall walks towards the end of The Pier and sees a familiar figure standing against the banister, staring at the sea. Niall takes in the sight in front of him, the sight of a guy he admires. The sight of a guy he’s hurting. 

“Hey.” Niall greets softly. 

Harry turns around. His lips curve into a smile but it’s obvious that his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Niall’s heart hurts. 

“Are you alright?” Niall asks quietly. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s asking you that question?”

Niall sighs, averting his eyes so that he doesn’t have to look at Harry’s face. “I-,” Niall trails off, taking a deep breath before he continues. “I know this is a big thing for you to take in. I understand if you want to leave me. Nobody deserves to have my baggage in their lives, especially you.”

Harry grabs both of Niall’s hands, and Niall turns to look at him again. “I don’t care about all those things, okay? I’m here for you, be it for your best or for your worst. We’ll make this work, okay? I’m sure everything will be alright.” He says, pulling Niall into a hug. 

Niall sags against Harry’s body, wrapping his arms tightly around Harry’s waist and burying his face in the crook of Harry’s neck. Deep inside his heart, he hopes that Harry is right. That this thing won’t affect them. Although, it’s already affecting Niall’s entire life. 

 

*****

 

If Niall thought breaking the news to Harry was hard, watching the disappointed looks on Anne and Robin’s faces when he tells them the news is even harder. 

Harry sits on the other couch, silently staring at the ground while Robin and Anne are sitting in front of Niall. For once, Niall feels like he’s about to be scolded by his parents. Except Robin and Anne are not his parents, although they’ve done more for him than his own parents have. 

“What are you both planning to do?” Robin asks calmly, but Niall knows the man is disappointed. Niall can’t bear to see his face, too ashamed of himself for what happened. 

“I-, I don’t know. But we want the baby.” Niall says quietly, noticing the way Harry’s shoulder suddenly go tense and he feels so guilty for triggering that reaction in Harry. He had told Harry about his decision first thing that morning before he planned to tell Robin and Anne, because after all, Harry will always be the first person for everything. 

“Are you sure about this, Niall? You two are barely seventeen. Have you two really thought about it?” Anne asks, her voice laced with worry and Niall’s guilt skyrockets again. He never meant to make Anne feel worried but apparently that’s what he always does. 

“I’m sure.” Niall replies firmly. “ _We_ are sure.” He amends. 

“Are you sure it’s not a mistake?” Robin pipes in. 

“A baby is never a mistake,” Niall snaps. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Harry glance up from the ground, eyes darting between Niall and Robin. But before Harry can say anything, Robin beats him to it. 

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Robin insists. “What I meant was, your decision, are you _really_ sure this is the right thing to do?” 

Niall takes a deep breath, feeling like his heart is about to come out of his ribcage. He doesn’t know how to justify his decision. After all, he wants to quit school and go back to Chino, so he can start working to support Amy and the baby. “I don’t want the kid to grow up like I did.” He tells Robin. _I don’t want to end up like my parents._

Niall glances briefly towards Harry as his boyfriend starts to stand up, excusing himself, and Niall’s heart drops. He knows it’s not easy for Harry to accept his decision. No matter how many times he told Niall that he understood the reason why Niall is making that decision, Niall knows that Harry is hurt by it.  
_  
“I just want you to know, I understand why you’re doing this,” Harry said, leaning their foreheads together._

_Niall swallowed thickly, his heart heavy with emotions that he couldn’t comprehend. He felt a mixture of sadness, anxiety and guilt as he looked at Harry’s face. “Thanks.”_

_Harry cupped Niall’s cheeks with his hands, gently stroking his thumbs over Niall’s cheekbone. “But I also wish that you didn’t have to.”_

_Niall nodded, trying his best to blink back tears. “Me too.”_

“You know,” Robin’s voice pulls Niall out of his stupor making him glance towards Robin and Anne. “Even though you’re leaving, that doesn’t mean we’re letting you go.” Robin says firmly. “You’re still part of this family.” 

 

*****

 

Their lips clash and merge, wet and messy and sloppy; Harry’s hands fly to Niall’s hair and Niall’s fingers are hurried and awkward, as they untuck Harry’s annoying shirt before moving to work on the snap of his jeans. 

They’re rushed and methodic, and the kiss has too much tongue and teeth and not enough gentleness. Harry uses his grip on Niall’s hair to pull him along, walking both of them backward until his legs hit the bed and he falls. Niall lands on top of him and intuitively aligns his body with Harry’s in the most intimate way possible. 

A harsh groan erupts from Niall’s throat and he pulls away from Harry, breathing heavily as he leans up. He bites his lip and straddles Harry, smiling brazenly when Harry’s eyes flash wide and he grunts at the pressure. 

“Take your shirt off, please,” Niall says, breathless and rushed. 

“Help me.” Harry leans up with Niall’s help. Their lips meet again, messy and quick, and Niall bunches the fabric of Harry’s shirt in his hands and pulls it up, ripping their mouths apart to yank the shirt off before slotting their tongues together yet again. 

It’s hot and hard, hurried and hysterical. Niall doesn’t like how the quickness of the situation tastes in his mouth but he can’t say no. He can’t say no because this is probably the last time he’ll be with Harry ― it’s the last time he’s going to be with Harry, and he doesn’t want to slow down because time is definitely not on his side right now. 

Niall’s fingers scratch along Harry’s chest while Harry busies himself with ridding Niall of his shirt, throwing it somewhere in the room. 

“Ni?” 

Niall hums, shutting his eyes and enjoying the way Harry’s fingers feel as they trace along his chest, dipping into the curves and edges and turns. “Yeah?” He blinks his eyes open and sees that Harry’s looking at him with wide, vulnerable eyes; the green is faded, nearly overtaken by grey, and they’re so beautiful it hurts. Harry’s so beautiful that everything hurts. 

“I want you to… I want you to top,” Harry says, shakily, nodding his head along to the words as if he’s agreeing with them as he announces them. “I want you in me. Okay?” 

Niall gulps, eyes wide; he feels more than a little insecure and scared. But with one look at Harry’s desperate face, laden with vulnerability and gentleness, Niall knows he’ll do this. He’ll do this for Harry if it makes things just a little bit better for a while. He’ll do _anything._

“Okay,” he says, feeble and weak and breathless before clearing his throat and repeating, a bit stronger this time, “Okay. Okay, I’ll do it.” 

Harry’s face lights up and his eyes shine like the glimmering stars outside. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Anything you want, I’ll do.” 

“Don’t say that,” Harry whispers, and it’s almost a sob, really ― a whine, a plea, a cry that stings Niall like a scorpion or a bee, and splits his heart in half. “’Cause ― because if you mean that you’d stay here. You’d stay here with me where you’re loved.” 

Niall gulps, swallowing the hard lump in his throat that makes him want to cry and whine, to thrash around and throw a temper tantrum like a little child. “ _Loved?_ ” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, quiet and mouse-like. It’s weird because Niall has never seen Harry so open, so scared, and he’s never been so frightened of the way he feels before, either. Everything’s a mess and it’s horrifying. “I ― I love you, Niall. I do. I’m in love with you.” 

The words sting Niall’s heart, carving out a hole to get buried in. Hysteria and rising panic burns Niall’s desire away, and he’s suddenly shoving himself off the bed, away from Harry in a second, pushing his hands through his hair and tugging, begging his mind to work properly, like it’s supposed to. 

“I’m sorry, Harry,” he says, stumbling over his words as he shakes his head and races around the room hunting for his t-shirt. “I can’t do this. I’m so sorry but I can’t. I just _can’t._ ” Niall repeats, not daring to look at Harry again. 

He races out of the room, barely making it to the pool house before he slides down the wall, feeling like he can hardly breathe because his heart aches so much. 

 

*****

 

“Are you sure all your things are packed? Did you take the sandwiches? Make sure you pack all your socks-”

“Anne,” Niall cuts her off, amused with her ramble. Anne stops talking altogether, frowning slightly as she looks at Niall and it tugs at Niall’s heartstrings when he notices her watery eyes. 

“Make sure you take care of yourself, okay?” Anne says, before reaching for Niall and hugging him tightly. Niall lets himself melt under the embrace for a moment, before he pulls away, trying to keep his composure even though deep inside he can feel how hard it is to leave the place. 

Niall puts the last bag in the trunk, and then turns around to say goodbye to Anne and Robin. Robin gives him a brief hug and a pat on his shoulder before letting him go, and Niall quickly gets into the car as soon as Anne starts to cry. 

As the car starts to pull away, Niall’s gaze lands on Harry who’s standing silently not too far from the curb of the house. Niall’s heart aches as he watches Harry’s face. Harry raises his arm slightly, waving Niall off and Niall returns the gesture while swallowing a big lump in his throat. 

Niall’s eyes are still glued to the rearview mirror as Amy drives away, watching as Harry’s figure keeps getting smaller and smaller until he is out of view, and out of Niall’s life. 

 

*****

 

Niall stares at the reflection in the mirror, barely recognizing himself. His eyes are bloodshot and the dark rings under his eyes are noticeable, along with his sunken cheekbones. He never knew that being in Chino for a couple of months would affect him like this. Sometimes, he feels like a zombie, walking on autopilot every day, just to get on with his life. Shaking his head, Niall splashes some water onto his face and tries to get rid of his exhaustion. 

Once Niall comes out of bathroom, his eyes land on Amy’s figure on the bed, finishing her reading. Niall moves to the other side of the bed and pulls off the duvet before getting inside, ready to fall asleep. He wasn’t too happy about the sleeping arrangement but he understands the reason. The house only has three rooms, one of which is already occupied by Amy’s mom, and the other one is a spare room for the baby. 

And speaking about the baby, Niall glances briefly towards Amy and swallows a lump in his throat, heart pounding rapidly as he looks at Amy’s bulging stomach. It all still felt surreal to Niall for a couple of months when the bump was barely noticeable. But now, seeing the defined bump, Niall knows that it’s a reality he needs to face. This is his life now. 

Niall is about to fall asleep when suddenly Amy clears her throat, putting down the book on the bedside table and calling out his name. Niall turns around. “What?” 

“Remember the thing that we talked about last week?” 

Niall nods slightly. “Yeah,” He replies simply. “And as I said before, you’re my best friend, Amy, I don’t want you to be in that environment. I’m here with you, aren’t I?” 

Amy snorts, shaking her head slightly, making her long hair bounce softly, the ends of her hair barely touching her round belly. “It’s because I’m your best friend that I’m telling you this, Niall. You’re not happy here. I just want you to be happy. I mean, you don’t even love me-,”

“I love you.” Niall pipes in quickly, cutting Amy off before she can finish. 

“Yeah, but you’re not _in_ love with me. You’re _in_ love with Harry. It’s unfair to you, and to Harry.” Amy insists. 

Niall ignores Amy’s comment as he pulls up the duvet, burying his head under it and hoping that Amy will leave him alone. “Go to sleep, Amy.” 

“How’s Harry doing by the way?” Amy asks, and clearly she doesn’t want to let Niall go yet. Niall keeps silent. “Niall,” Amy calls out again, and then she sighs. “You’re so stubborn,” she mutters under her breath. The duvet shifts slightly as Amy gets under it too, and Niall feels relieved - but it’s short lived as Amy starts to talk again. “How are Anne and Robin? Are they fine?” 

Niall sighs. “I don’t know, Amy. It’s their family.” 

“What? You’re not part of the family?” 

Niall’s breath hitches slightly as he remembers all the calls that he’s ignored, all the messages that he didn’t return as he thinks it’s best for them not to be caught up in his life anymore. “Not anymore,” he replies silently. 

 

*****

 

Niall turns around when he hears his supervisor calling his name, beckoning for Niall to come over to him. Niall walks over to the other side of the building, avoiding the construction debris on his way. He takes his safety hat off and wipes the sweat off his forehead as he looks at his supervisor. 

“What’s going on, Paul?” Niall asks as the man is frowning at him. 

“Jane called. Amy’s in the hospital.” Paul says and Niall’s heart drops slightly. 

Niall rushes to the hospital after he hears the news. His heart thumps loudly against his ribcage, not knowing what exactly happened to Amy. Could it be an early labor? 

When Niall reaches the hospital, he rushes towards the waiting area and immediately finds Amy’s mother crying in a chair. “Jane,” Niall calls gently, trying to remain calm despite his rapidly beating heart. “What happened?” 

Jane glances up, wiping away some of her tears as she looks at Niall. “She fell in the bathroom,” Jane replies. “There was lots of blood, Niall. She was so scared.” 

Niall swallows thickly, not knowing what else to do other than hug Jane, and pray for Amy’s safety, as well as the baby’s. 

He sits on the chair beside Jane in the waiting room until he hears his name being called by the doctor. Niall abruptly stands up, and Jane follows. They both hold onto each other’s hands, trying to find comfort in each other’s presence. 

“You’re the father?” The doctor asks, and Niall nods silently. “I’m sorry, Mr. Horan, but we lost the baby.” 

 

*****

 

Amy gets discharged two days after, and the first thing Niall notices is how different she is. Niall knows she is traumatized and sad and he has to be strong for her. He remembers when he went home after the misfortunate evening and had to scrub the bathroom, cleaning up the blood until he was sure that Amy won’t see anything that would trigger the bad memory. 

The silence between them stretches for a week. Niall had tried his best to cheer Amy up but she looks so lost, _so_ miserable and Niall feels his heart break for her. 

“Zayn sends his regards and condolences.” 

Amy nods. “Thanks,” she says simply, not even looking at Niall. She’s still in the same position, staring at the window. “Niall?”

Niall glances up abandoning his move to tie his shoes. “Yeah? You need anything? I can take one more day off if you want me to stay home.”

Amy turns to look at him, her eyes hollow and Niall has to remind himself that this is still the same Amy, just sadder. “You’re free now.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What?” 

Amy stares at him, and her expression remains indifferent. “There’s no more baby. There’s nothing to tie you down here, you’re free now.”

“Amy-,” Niall starts, not knowing how to explain the reason behind his staying. He’s so lost about what to do. He wants to take care of Amy because after all, she’s still his friend. Another reason is that he literally cut all ties with people from Orange County. He has nowhere else to go so he might as well stay. 

Amy closes her eyes again and Niall knows that the conversation is over before it even started. He moves over to the other side of the bed, leaning down to kiss Amy’s forehead gently, “Take care.” 

 

*****

 

Niall goes back home after work and steps inside a dark house. His heart pounding as the house is silent, _too_ silent. “Amy?” He calls out but nobody answers. He switches on the light, and releases his breath when he sees the stuff in the living room is still the same. It’s eerie how similar he feels compared to the time he found his empty house when his mother had left him. 

Niall steps into the bedroom, pulls off his shirt and sits on the bed, sighing tiredly. He rolls his shoulder, the bones cracking and he can feel exhaustion starting to creep in. Construction is not an easy job. Niall pulls out his phone from his pocket and it’s when he moves to put it on the bedside table that he notices _it._ A letter, with Amy’s handwriting on the envelope. 

Niall shakes his head, “No,” he whimpers, as if he already knew the contents of the letter. He opens the letter shakily and starts to read it. 

_Dear Niall,  
I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I know you want to stay to take care of me, and I really appreciate that, but I don’t want you to feel that you are obliged to stay here with me. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep the baby alive. I was devastated, and I didn’t know how to tell you about how I felt. I feel like I’m losing myself. And to be honest, I feel like I’ve already lost you, long before I lost the baby. _

_I don’t want to be the one thing that’s holding you back. And like I told you before, it’s unfair to you and to Harry. I know you still love him. I know you do. And it’s okay. You know I love you but I can’t be here with you anymore, Niall. I can’t make you happy. All I would ever bring to you is pain and a reminder that you gave up everything for me, and for the baby. The baby who’s no longer alive._

_I can accept if you’re angry with me for doing this, but I’m not as strong as you. I can’t stay here any longer. It reminds me so much of everything that has happened._

_Go get your life back, Niall. You have a bright future ahead, don’t waste that. You deserve all the good things in life, Niall James Horan. There’s no other person that I love who deserves to be happy, except for you._

_Again, I’m really sorry._

_The one who will always love you, Amy._

Niall throws the letter away, too numb to do anything except stand up rummage through the closet. Amy couldn’t be serious, could she? His breath stops when he notices that all of Amy’s stuff is gone, and he shakes his head. “No. No.” He whimpers, still in denial that Amy had truly left. 

He tugs his hair in frustration, lost about what to do, before he finally sits down on the bed again and tries to process what’s happening. He pulls his knees up, wrapping his arms around it and feels like he wants to scream out loud. He doesn’t even realize when the tears start but now he can’t stop crying, asking himself over and over again why everyone finds it so easy to leave him? He cries for the pain, for the loss, and for the first time, he cries for himself. 

 

*****

 

Niall walks towards the room at the end of the hallway and takes a deep breath before he opens the door. There are some toys and the unfinished crib in the corner of the room. Niall exhales deeply, before stepping into the room. He squares his shoulders and starts to clean the room. 

“What are you still doing here?” 

Niall glances up from the floor, after putting the last toy into the box, only to see Zayn leaning against the door. He didn’t even hear Zayn come inside the house. 

“What do you mean?” Niall asks confusingly. 

“You know what I mean, Niall. What are you still doing here, in this house?” 

“This is my house?” Niall asks instead of answering. He stands up from the floor, staring at Zayn. Zayn’s gaze is piercing and Niall is completely lost for words.

Zayn shakes his head, stepping closer towards Niall. “No, I mean, here, in Chino. This isn’t home anymore, Niall.” 

“What are you talking about?” Niall asks defensively. 

“You don’t belong here, Niall. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.” Zayn points out. 

Niall grits his teeth, suddenly feeling mad at Zayn’s words. Who does Zayn think he is to say things like that? “Shut up, Zayn,” Niall hisses. 

Zayn remains unbothered by Niall’s tone. “You know, I’m not much of an optimist, but I love you, okay? I probably love you more than you think-,” 

“Zayn-,” Niall warns. 

Zayn chuckles slightly, shaking his head. “But that’s not important now, is it? I always want you to be happy, Niall. And frankly speaking, you’re not happy here, and it pains me to see that.”

“Please, Zayn, just stop, I don’t want to talk about this.” Niall says, turning around and refusing to look at Zayn. 

“No, I won’t stop.” Zayn says firmly. “I’ve seen you be miserable for the past few months, Niall. Now the baby is gone, and Amy is gone too. You need to get back-,” 

“Back to where?” Niall explodes, spinning on his heels so fast to glare at Zayn angrily. “Tell me, Zayn, back to where?” Niall yells. “I have nowhere else to go, can’t you see that?”

“Niall,” Zayn calls out gently, trying to grab Niall’s arms. Niall backs away slightly. If he notices the hurt expression on Zayn’s face, he chooses to ignore it. Right now he feels so mad at Zayn. 

Zayn sighs. “You know you can always call Robin, or Anne. They clearly will welcome you back with open arms.” 

Niall shakes his head. “They’re better off without me.”

“Niall,” Zayn tries again, but Niall turns around, turning his back to Zayn and hoping Zayn understands that the conversation is over. He hears Zayn sigh, before he leaves Niall alone, just as Niall likes it. 

 

*****

 

Niall lowers the sound of the television and strains his ears to listen to the knocking on the door. He glances at the clock, and frowns slightly. It can’t be Zayn because it’s too early in the morning, and Zayn most likely has a class to attend. 

He puts down the remote, and starts to walk over to the door. He’s greeted with a surprise when he sees Anne and Robin once he opens the door. Niall tightens his grip on the doorknob and before he can say anything, Anne beats him to it. 

“Aren’t you gonna invite us in?” Anne asks and Niall opens the door wider, letting both of them in. He leads them to the living room, and feels slightly ashamed at the soggy couches but that’s the only thing that he can afford for the house. 

“Zayn called us.” Anne starts after they sit down, looking at Niall. 

“He shouldn’t have.” Niall quips. He can’t believe his ears. How could Zayn go around his back and do something like this? 

Anne shakes her head, and Niall watches as Robin nods at her, encouraging her to continue. “He did the right thing, Niall. Or else we wouldn’t even know what happened. Why didn’t you call us?” Anne asks, her voice wavers slightly and Niall can see how sad she looks at the moment. 

Niall averts his eyes from Anne and Robin, not knowing how to face them. A part of him feels guilty, but a bigger part of him feels ashamed that they have to see him like this. 

“You don’t know how our hearts dropped when Zayn told us what happened with you and Amy, and the baby. Did you ever think about that? We thought you considered us as your family, but you cut off all your ties-,”

“I’m sorry,” Niall sniffs, trying to hold back tears as he listens to Anne’s voice. It’s when they’re in front of him that he realizes how much his actions had hurt them. They gave him shelter and protection and he threw it all away just because he felt they’d be better off without him. But looking at their hurt expressions now, Niall knows he’s the one to blame for it. 

Anne sighs before she approaches Niall and gathers him into her hug. Niall melts in her embrace, tightening his grip on Anne’s waist. Niall never thought that he would be comfortable enough to be wrapped in someone’s arms and open his heart to love other people, but this family has clearly proved him wrong. 

“Just, please come back with us? We miss you so much,” Anne coaxes, her hand rubbing Niall’s back gently, as if she’s addressing a child. 

Niall wants to protest, but he glances up and sees the hopeful look in Anne’s and Robin’s eyes, and he knows he can’t ever say no to them. Not again. He misses them so much. 

And honestly, the person he misses the most at the moment is Harry. 

 

*****

 

The moment Niall steps inside the pool house, his lips quirk into a smile. It looks the same as before Niall left the place. He drops down the last of the packed stuff at the end of the bed, too tired to unpack, and plops down on the bed. He stares at the ceiling, trying to stop his mind from whirling but fails to do so. He’s curious as to why he hasn’t see Harry at the house over the past hour. Not that he expects Harry to welcome him back with open arms, but Niall is longing to see his face after such a long time. After-, 

“Knock, knock.” 

Niall sits up abruptly, and sees Anne at the door, smiling at him. “Glad to see you already make yourself comfortable.” 

Niall’s cheeks darken. “Sorry,” he apologizes. 

Anne laughs, shaking her head. “What are you apologizing for?” She asks, stepping inside the room and glancing around, before nodding in satisfaction. “I hope you’re okay with the new arrangement. We haven’t changed the decoration much. But if you don’t like it, you can always move to the rooms at the main house.” 

Niall shakes his head, smiling at Anne. “Nah, I like it here.” 

Anne nods, smiling. “I knew you would. Oh, and your guitar is in Harry’s room. You can take it if you want. I think you can borrow his guitar too since he didn’t bring it with him.” 

“Didn’t bring it-,” Niall trails off, unsure of what to say. 

Anne raises her eyebrows, noticing Niall’s confused expression. “Oh, Harry didn’t tell you? He moved to New York, Niall.” 

Niall feels like his heart stops beating and he tries his best to mask his shock. “I – I didn’t know,” he tells Anne. All of Harry’s words about waiting for him to graduate and move to university together come rushing towards Niall’s mind at once. He knows it’s not Harry’s fault, but it still stings to know that Harry had left him. Well, technically, he left Harry first, but still. There was a glimmer of hope in his mind that he could try to fix things with Harry, but now that Harry’s gone, he doesn’t think he can. 

 

*****

 

Niall rubs his eyes tiredly, yawning as he closes his book. He glances at his watch and his eyes widen as he realizes that he spent more than four hours at the library. No wonder he feels so tired. He stands up from his seat and starts to pack his things into his bag when his eyes land on Louis, who’s not too far away from his table. Their eyes meet for a moment before Louis turns his head away, and Niall glances down and continues to pack his things. He knows Louis is mad at him. Niall had tried to talk to him last month when they bumped into each other at the diner but Louis just scoffed at him and left him alone. 

As Niall starts to walk out of the library, he starts to wonder if it was really worth it to have come back to Orange County a few months ago. Sometimes, he feels lost. There’s no Harry, and there’s no Louis, and suddenly he doesn’t know why he bothered to come back. At school, he is still pretty much alone and he always catches unpleasant murmurings and curious glances thrown at him by his peers as if they keep questioning why he’s back, but nobody bothers to ask him directly. 

“Oops,” a voice says as a person bumps into Niall hard enough to make him fall on the floor. Niall glances up only to see Zach smiling down at him. “Ah, I heard some rumors that Chino kid was back but I thought it was just a rumor. Can’t believe I get to see it with my own eyes today.” 

Niall doesn’t say anything, and it seems to make Zach mad as the other guy grabs his bag, unzips it and drops all of his things out, scattering them on the floor. He knows Zach is trying to pick a fight but Niall refuses to give in. 

“Wow, I thought by now you would have punched me,” Zach taunts, kicking some of Niall’s stuff out of his reach. “I guess being a replacement son for the Twists really changed you, huh?” Zach says and Niall chooses to ignore the comment. It’s not the first time he’s heard the same thing. Niall remains silent, not wanting to react to Zach’s taunt. He feels like he has already brought so much trouble to the Twist family and he doesn’t want to add another fight on top of the pile. 

Zach scoffs, kicking Niall’s feet to get him to react but Niall knows Zach would not do more than that. He knows Zach is still under probation for his fighting. It’s not just him on the receiving end of the gossip after all, he hears lots of rumors about others too. 

Niall starts to pick up his stuff when Zach leaves, but not without stomping on Niall’s books and laughs when Niall can’t hold back his growls as he walks away. Niall crawls on the floor, collecting his books and trying to calm himself. There is only a month or two left before school finishes. He needs to focus on his studies instead of fighting people. 

In the middle of picking up his stuff, a sudden pair of hands are reaching for one of the books and judging by the shoes, Niall isn’t even surprised when he looks up and sees Louis. 

Louis kneels down on the ground, helping Niall until all his stuff is back inside his bag. Niall mumbles his thanks, not knowing how to act around Louis anymore. He doesn’t even look at Louis as they both stand up and face each other awkwardly. 

He hears Louis huff before his body is pulled into Louis’ arms. “Oh, for god’s sake, Niall! You’re an idiot, you know that?” Louis mutters, but there’s no malice in his tone unlike the first time Niall met him after he came back. 

Niall nods against Louis’s shoulder, knowing that Louis has forgiven him. He promises himself that he will never take Louis for granted again. “Yeah, I’m an idiot.” 

 

*****  
**_A few years later.._**

 

“I can’t believe you’re a proper adult now,” Louis exclaims, patting Niall’s shoulder not too gently, making him wince. “Happy 21st birthday Niall!” 

Niall laughs, clicking his glass with Louis’ before he glances around to look at the people surrounding him. Anne and Louis’ mum are talking in the corner, while Robin is talking to his friend on the other side of the room. Robin smiles at Niall when he notices him, gesturing to the drink in Niall’s hand. Niall grins at him and nods slightly. He knows that Robin is aware that he started drinking _way_ before he turned 21. 

“So, what did you get for your birthday this year? Can it top your 18th birthday gift?” Louis asks, and Niall smiles shyly. 

_”Just take the car, Niall. It’d be easier to visit us sometimes, right?” Anne insisted, with Robin nodding along beside her._

_“But-,” Niall trailed off, eyes darting between the new shiny car at the front porch and Anne and Robin. “This is too much.”_

_Anne shook her head, grabbing Niall’s shoulder and, steering him towards the driver’s side of the car. “Let’s just take it as our present for you not just for your birthday, but also for your acceptance to Berkeley.”_

_Niall swallows a big lump in his throat and stares at his reflection in the tinted window of the car. Anne and Robin hovered behind him and he just couldn’t believe that they were so nice to him. Sometimes he thought he didn’t deserve their kindness._

_Anne must’ve sensed his inner monologue as she turned him around and hugged him. “Don’t think too much, just accept it for us, okay?”_

_Niall took the key reluctantly and promised himself that he would repay their kindness towards him in the future._

Niall is laughing at Louis’s funny story when suddenly he feels like he’s being watched. Louis gasps slightly and glances over Niall’s shoulder, making Niall curious. Niall turns around and his heart almost drops when he sees Harry walking towards him. He doesn’t trust his legs to hold him upright as Harry approaches him, his smile getting bigger as he comes nearer till he’s standing right in front of Niall. 

Harry throws him a smile, and Niall’s heart skips a beat. “Happy birthday, Niall.” 

 

*****

 

The party dies down around 10 o’clock and everyone slowly makes their way out of the house, leaving Niall with Anne, Harry and Robin, and also Louis, who can’t stop inquiring about Harry’s surprise appearance. 

Niall watches the sight of them bickering and his face breaks into a smile instinctively. It’s been a while, _years_ since he’s last seen Harry for more than a few minutes in the same room. It’s not that Niall hasn’t seen Harry in forever, but it seems like it. 

Whenever Niall was on break and at the house, Harry was busy and couldn’t come back. Whenever Niall was busy at university, Harry was spending his time at the house. It was the same circle and Niall is quite impressed with himself that he managed to swerve whenever Anne pointed that out. Niall doesn’t know if Harry was purposely planning to avoid him, but he doesn’t want to dwell on it. It hurts, but Niall is not demanding. He accepts that it was his fault for pushing Harry away first. 

“How does it feel being 21?” Harry asks, startling Niall out of his stupor. He doesn’t even realize when Harry appears, standing in front of him. He glances over Harry’s shoulder to look at Louis who’s watching them with a big smile on his face. Niall almost rolls his eyes when he sees Louis give him a thumbs up. 

“I don’t know. Older.” Niall replies simply before they both fall into silence. There are so many words left unspoken that Niall wants to say out loud because he didn’t get the chance over the years. Niall shifts his feet nervously as Harry continues sipping on his drink, tapping his right leg on the floor like he used to when he was uncomfortable. Niall swallows a lump in his throat. He knows this is the time when he’s supposed to say something, to at least apologize for everything before Harry flies away again. “Harry I-,”

“Harry, there’s someone here to see you,” Anne calls out and everyone turns around to look at her. There’s an unfamiliar guy besides her. She looks confused, darting her eyes between the guy and Harry, while Robin trails behind her. Niall is confused too until Harry suddenly skips towards the guy, grinning happily. Niall watches as the guy beams at Harry, before he’s pulling him into a kiss. Niall doesn’t even realize how tight he’s clenching his fist until Louis put his hand on top of Niall’s and squeezes gently. As if Louis senses the shock and the incomprehensible emotion that jolts through Niall as he watches the scene unfolding in front of him. 

“Hey,” the guy greets after they pull away from the kiss, while Harry links his arm with the guy. Niall can see a faint of blush across Harry’s cheeks, probably because he realized that he had just kissed someone in front of his family. 

Harry smiles at all of them, taking the guy’s hand in his and holding it tightly. Niall has to fight the urge to look away. “Everyone, this is Jeff, my fiancée.” 

 

*****

 

Peace. Serenity. Contentment. A mixture of all of these creates an unmatched feeling that overwhelms Niall when he’s at the beach, watching the constant ebb of the waves.

Like always, it’s only Niall at the pier which is why Niall likes to chill there the most. It allows him to enjoy the sunset, undisturbed. The contrast created between the dark waters and the luminous sky makes the horizon look like a meeting point of two worlds – the known and the unknown. It’s breathtakingly beautiful, and Niall is speechless as he stands before the magnificent sight. Niall sits down slowly on the edge of the woods, legs dangling freely. The wind whispers in his ear as it plays with his hair, as if it’s telling Niall its deepest, darkest secrets. 

Niall looks out into the horizon, staring at the view until the sun almost sets. For a moment, Niall wishes that his feelings could change as quickly as the sky turns from red to purple, highlighting the transition from day to night. But it’s not possible. He’s berating himself for feeling like he does at the moment. It’s been _years_ , but why does it feel like it was yesterday when his heart couldn’t stop beating rapidly every time he was close to Harry. 

Niall can’t even describe his sentiments at the moment. One thing he knows is that, there is a hole inside his heart which throbs with the realization that he had lost Harry the moment Harry announced he’s engaged to a man that’s not Niall. He had Harry in his grip and because of his own stupidity, Niall let him slip away.

Niall leans back and stares at the sky, noticing the different hues. He breathes in deeply as he lies down and shuts his eyes. Over the sound of waves, Niall whispers into the thin air, “I miss you.” 

 

*****

 

“Jeff seems like a lovely guy,” Zayn comments as he takes a seat beside Niall. Niall glances up from his plate, looking over Zayn’s shoulder to see Harry and Jeff near the BBQ grill, joking around while they grill the meats. 

Niall looks back at Zayn and shrugs. “Yes, he is.” 

Zayn hums, not saying anything and starts to bite his chicken wings. Niall welcomes the silence after a couple of hours of noise from the people surrounding them at the park. 

“Are you sure you’re really okay about this?” Zayn asks suddenly, breaking the silence. 

Niall raises his eyebrows at Zayn. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, you and Harry, are you okay with this-,” Zayn trails off unsurely, and Niall doesn’t need Zayn to finish to understand what he means. 

Niall puts down his plate on the table, trying to buy some time before he answers Zayn’s question. “It is all in the past. We moved on, Zayn.” He says simply. 

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. “You wish.” He deadpans. “The thing is, you look at him when he’s not looking, and he looks at you when you turn around. Honestly, if that doesn’t mean something-,”

“He’s engaged, Zayn.” Niall cuts off Zayn abruptly before he can continue. Zayn shrugs and continues eating his food, knowing that Niall doesn’t want to talk about the topic anymore. Niall glances briefly towards Jeff and Harry before he looks away. 

Frankly, Niall’s truly happy for Harry for finding a perfect man for himself. Who is Niall kidding? Jeff is tall, dressed smartly with his blazer and nice pants while Niall is only wearing his plain white shirt and jeans, barely dressing up even for an occasion. Jeff’s hair is smartly combed and styled while Niall’s hair is a mess. He’s always speaks eloquently while Niall barely speaks more than necessary. Jeff seems like a perfect man for a perfect person like Harry, and there is no way Niall can compete with that.

 

*****

 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Louis asks worriedly, hovering beside Niall as they walk towards the front door.

Niall sighs, pushing Louis away from him slightly. "I'm fine." He tells Louis, for the hundredth time. 

Louis stares at Niall skeptically, before he sighs in defeat. “I’m sorry, okay? Next time I won't kick the ball as hard as I did."

Niall chuckles, just nodding before he waves Louis off, tired of being fussed over by the older guy. He limps as he steps into the house, wincing slightly when his left foot touches the ground, putting pressure on his bruised knee. 

He hears voices from the lawn and curses himself for forgetting about the dinner time. He glances at the window, and peers outside to see that the whole family, including Jeff, eating dinner. He sighs, feeling like an intruder all of a sudden. He really wants to go to the pool house, and maybe swallow some painkillers until the pain in his knee is gone. But this means he needs to walk past them in the lawn. 

He touches his knee gingerly and hisses when he feels the swollen bruise. Niall sighs again, it looks like he will have to walk because he can't bear standing up anymore. It's putting too much pressure on his leg. So, he braces himself and opens the glass door that leads to the pool house. 

"Hey! You're back," Anne greets him when he walks past them. 

Niall smiles at her, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I’m beat, so I’m heading to the bed now,” he excuses himself before anyone can say anything. He walks slowly, trying to act normal and tries his best not to be noticed. However it’s true when they say ‘mother knows best’ as Anne calls him out and stops him.

“Wait, why are you limping?” 

Niall swallows the lump in his throat, feeling insecure suddenly as all eyes are set on him. “I played soccer with Louis today, the ball hit my dodgy knee.”

“You got a dodgy knee?” Jeff pipes in curiously. 

Niall nods politely at the guy. “Yeah, got one playing soccer when I was a kid.” Niall replies, averting his gaze from Anne and Robin, and most definitely Harry.

Niall knows from the way Anne starts to frown worriedly that, except for Jeff, they all know the real reason. He knows that they know he's lying, and Niall just can't look at the sympathy in their eyes. He's not stupid. He knows Robin read his file and read his history of abuse. 

Niall startles slightly when Harry suddenly stands up, walking towards him and grabbing his arm. “Come on, I’ll get you some ice,” he says and Niall shakes his head. His eyes dart between Harry and Jeff. 

“No, it’s okay, I can do it myself.” Niall refuses, trying to peel Harry’s hand away from his arm. 

Harry shakes his head stubbornly before he hoists Niall’s arm around his shoulder, supporting Niall’s body and leading them towards the pool house. Despite the release of some pressure off his knee, Niall still experiences pain when Harry lets him sits on the edge of the bed once they reach the pool house. Before Niall can say anything, Harry moves to get the ice pack from the small fridge in the corner of the room. Niall watches Harry’s movement silently, not knowing what else to do. 

“I think you’d better lie down.” Harry stands in front of him, startling Niall. 

Niall gestures to the ice pack in Harry’s hand. “Give that to me, I can do it myself. Go back to your dinner.” 

“Trying to get rid of me already?” Harry asks, and Niall shakes his head quickly.

“No, I-,”

Harry shakes his head, shushing Niall as he gently pushes him down and grabs a pillow to prop up Niall’s leg. He rolls up Niall’s trousers slowly until he can see the swollen knee. “You’re still stubborn,” Harry comments as he drops the ice pack on Niall’s knees. 

Niall doesn’t reply, instead he waits until Harry looks at him again. “Thanks,” he says sincerely. 

Harry nods, fussing with Niall’s duvet and resting it on top of Niall’s legs. “Take a rest now, okay? I’ll see you later,” he says simply. Niall’s heart starts to beat rapidly when Harry suddenly leans in, hovering over his face. The gesture is so familiar and Niall was so used to it before, but not now, not when- “Harry,” Niall whispers quietly but Harry must hear him as he snaps out of it suddenly, eyes widening as he looks at Niall. 

Without any word, Harry turns around, and dashes out of the room, leaving Niall alone with his rapidly beating heart. Niall groans, pushing his face into the pillow, not just because of the pain, but also because of how much he wanted Harry to kiss him. 

 

*****

 

Niall bends down slightly to check on the tire, nodding in satisfaction as it seems good enough to be used. He grabs the handle, strolling the bicycle down along the front yard. 

“Where are you going?” Harry asks and Niall stops walking, turning around slightly to see Harry walking towards him. 

“The pier.” Niall replies simply. 

Harry nods at Niall. “Can I join?”

Niall nods, shrugging slightly as he lets Harry follows his trail. “How’s your knee?” Harry asks as Niall pushes the bike out of the gate. Niall is relieved that Harry doesn’t start to talk about the _other_ thing that happened last night. To be honest, Niall doesn’t even know what happened either, so it’s fair enough for them to not talk about it. 

Niall looks down at his knee, before he shrugs. “Better. The swelling is gone, just a dull pain but I’ll live.” He replies. “Where’s everyone?” Niall asks curiously. He doesn’t think he hears anyone at the house, including Jeff who was usually always with Harry every time Niall saw them. 

“Mom and dad went out, Jeff is at the airport, flying back to New York later.”

“Oh,” Niall says simply. “You didn’t go with him to the airport?” 

Harry shakes his head. “He’s a big boy.”

Niall nods, not knowing what else to say until they reach the roadside. Niall climbs on the bike, and Harry looks at him unsurely. “Are you sure you don’t want me to ride it?” 

Niall shakes his head, “Hop on,” he tells Harry and Harry obeys, feet planting on the pegs attached to the back wheel as Niall rolls them up to the pier. Harry put his hands on Niall’s shoulder and Niall starts to pedal. It feels like the old times when they used to do this, riding on Niall’s bicycle to go the beach. Niall can hear Harry’s laughter over the wind when Niall playfully steers the bike in a zig-zag manner on the road and he can’t help but laugh along too. 

They reach the beach not long after, and Niall locks his bike to one of the wood rails on the side before they walk together to the pier at the end of the beach. 

“You really love this place, don’t you?” Harry asks when they reach the pier. Niall nods, sitting down on the edge of the wood, his favorite spot at the pier, and waits until Harry sits beside him before he replies. 

“It’s my chill place,” Niall tells Harry. “There’s just something about the sea and the view that calms me down. It makes me happy.” 

“You do seem happier.” Harry points out, his tone sincere and Niall misses it. He’s surprised Harry has started talking to him again and he doesn’t know what changed, but it’s a good change after all. 

Niall nods, glancing over at Harry. “You’re still taller.” He jokes and Harry snorts and chuckles. 

“I’m not taller, you’re just small.” Harry jokes back, and Niall pouts, punching Harry’s arm lightly. 

“Shut up.” Niall grumbles making Harry laugh more, and Niall loves that. He loves listening to Harry’s laughter. It’s been so long since he heard it last. “How’s New York?” Niall asks. He always wanted to ask Harry about it but he didn’t want to push his boundaries. All those unreturned messages are still there in Niall’s phone. That should have been signs enough that Harry didn’t want to talk to him.

Harry hums, shrugging slightly before he replies. “New York’s nice. Big city, lots of opportunities. I managed to get an internship at one of the top ad companies a few summers ago.” Harry says, crooking his neck to the left to look at Niall. “How about you?” 

Niall shrugs lightly. “Not as exciting as New York, I guess. Study, assignment, the same circle. But love the course nonetheless.” 

Harry nods. “Yeah, good egg, aren’t you? Structural engineering and some shit I don’t understand. I knew you were smart.” 

Niall shrugs, trying not to blush from the compliment. 

“By the way, I took a baking class last year and now I’m a certified baker.” Harry says suddenly. 

“Oh, really?” 

Harry chuckles, nodding. “Really. I was quite free on weekends and I saw some ads on the web about it, then I figured, why not?” He tells Niall. “Remember when we first started baking together?” 

Niall snorts, laughing as he remembers the memory. “We were a mess. Your mum was ready to kill us when she got home and saw her ruined kitchen.”

Harry laughs softly. “Yeah, it was a great time. The flour was all over your face and you couldn’t stop sneezing and giggling.” He says, staring right into Niall’s eyes. Niall stares back, remembering the good times that they spent together that day. He remembers how Harry would cheekily bop his nose with flour, laughing when Niall scrunched his nose in protest. They were so happy back then, playful, _in love_ , but now - Niall breaks the eye contact first, staring back at the sea in front of them and swallowing a lump in his throat. 

They both fall into silence, and Niall gets lost in his own memory. It feels like it’s been years since he was happy like this. It was always Harry that managed to make him laugh. Harry who always managed to make his heart flutter. But it was then, back when they were still young and naïve, thinking that nothing could tear them apart. 

Niall sneaks a glance at Harry, taking in his appearance. Harry looks different now. Taller, of course, but he’s also built up. No more lanky-clumsy Harry, in fact, the way he carries himself now is different than before. He appears much more serious, there’s no longer a cheeky smile on his face, but instead, there’s always a polite smile, and it’s something that Niall misses the most. He misses the 17 year old Harry whom he met the first time. He misses _that_ Harry but he knows now is different. Hell, even he himself is different now. But some things never change. Like the feelings that he still has for Harry, they remain the same. And Niall doesn’t really know how to contain them. 

Niall keeps watching as Harry pushes back some of his hair when the wind blows. Harry must’ve sensed it as he turns his head to look at Niall. "What are you thinking about?" 

_You_. "Nothing," Niall says instead. There’s swoops of emotions that come rushing at once and Niall can’t help but feel like he wants to burst out and tell Harry about his feelings. About how Niall misses him. About how he misses Harry so much that he can’t even date anyone after all these years, because he can’t forget Harry. 

Niall takes a deep breath. “Harry, I-,” he starts but his words are cut off by the shrill ringing of Harry’s phone. Jeff’s name flashes on the screen and Niall’s breathe hitches. Suddenly, he _remembers_. 

“Sorry, I have to take this call,” Harry stands up and walks over to the other corner of the pier. 

Niall turns his head away again, exhaling a shaky breath, because how could he forget that Harry is no longer his? Harry’s engaged, and the realization hits Niall so hard that even the sound of the waves lapping on the shore can’t manage to calm his aching heart. 

 

*****

 

Niall drops down the grocery bag on the counter, and Anne turns around, smiling at him. “Ah, you’re back.” Anne says, moving to the counter, starting to unpack the bag and taking out the stuff.

“Do you want my help?” Niall offers. 

He watches as Anne is about to wave him off, but then she glances around the kitchen, considering Niall’s offer of help and finally nods at Niall. “Yeah, I’d be pleased too.”

Niall grins, but his grin turns into a pout when Anne insists for him to put on the apron too. Anne laughs at his reaction and tosses him the extra apron in the kitchen before she starts to prepare the ingredients. 

“What’s for dinner today?” Niall asks, grabbing a knife from the drawer, before standing beside Anne and waiting for her instructions.

“I’m thinking of meatloaf or lasagna.” Anne says and Niall can feel his mouth water. He loves Anne’s meatloaf so much, it’s delicious. 

They start to chat randomly, mostly with Anne poking about Niall’s classes and all the college stuff. Niall happily replies, feeling good to talk about it sometimes, because Lord knows how stressful it is to be overwhelmed with college stuff especially when some majors are just too hard to pass through. 

It’s nice and fun until suddenly Anne starts to talk about Harry and Jeff, and Niall can feel his heart skip a beat. “What do you think of Harry and Jeff?” 

Niall hums, thankful that he’s glancing down as he chops the tomato, because he doesn’t think he can face Anne at the moment and talk about Harry and Jeff without feeling a bit sad about it. “They look happy together. Jeff is a great guy.” 

From the corner of his eyes, Niall can see Anne nodding. “Yeah, I guess I just have to accept that they’re going to have a spring wedding. Can’t believe it’s in less than a month.” 

Niall drops the knife he’s holding as soon as he hears those words. His hands tremble, too shocked with the news. He knows Harry’s getting married soon, but he didn’t know that it’d be _that_ soon. Harry didn’t even say anything about it when they were at the pier the day before. “Are you okay, Niall? You look pale.” Anne asks and Niall can hear the worry in her tone, but he can’t help it. He can’t even glance up after he picks the knife off the floor. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” He lies. He can’t look at Anne because he knows that she would definitely know he’s lying. “My migraine is acting up again, I think. Think I’m going to sleep in, is that okay?” Niall feels bad for lying but he doesn’t think he can face Anne or anyone else at the moment. 

Anne nods, grabbing some aspirin and shoving it in Niall’s hand. Niall mumbles his thanks before he turns around, leaving the kitchen and heading towards the pool house. His mind whirls as Anne’s words keep repeating in his mind. Harry’s getting married in less than a month, and Niall doesn’t know how to feel about it. 

 

*****

 

“You weren’t at dinner.” Harry’s voice startles Niall out of his stupor and he turns around. 

“Heard you have a migraine. Went to check on you in the pool house but you weren’t there. Figured you would be here.” Harry continues. 

Niall’s heart beats rapidly as he stares at Harry. Anne’s words come rushing into his mind again. _Harry’s getting married in less than a month._ “Yeah, thought the fresh air could help ease the migraine.” He says, but by the way Harry is staring at him, he knows that Harry can see through his lie. 

“Mom said she told you about the wedding date.” 

Niall barely hears the sound of waves as he swallows a sudden lump in his throat. His blood rushes into his ears, feeling lightheaded at the mention of the wedding. “Yeah, congratulations.” Niall says, forcing a smile on his face which he’s pretty sure comes out as a grimace. He hopes Harry wouldn’t notice it. 

Harry must have noticed as he scrunches his forehead, something he always does when he thinks that he has hurt or offended someone. Niall knows that. After all these years, he still remembers the little things about Harry and he doesn’t know whether he should be happy or sad about it. “Jeff just decided yesterday, I’m sorry if you feel like I didn’t tell you sooner ‘cause Jeff and I didn’t really discuss it before.” Harry explains. 

Niall nods, not sure why Harry is explaining this to him. He puts his hands inside his pocket, the chilly air starting to bite his skin, making him shiver. He doesn’t know if the wind is the only reason, or the fact that Harry had confirmed that he’s getting married in less than a month. 

Harry’s eyes never leave Niall’s, making him anxious. He starts to turn around, hoping that Harry would take it as a sign that he wants to be left alone to mope and accept his fate. 

“You’re still wearing my necklace.” Harry blurts out suddenly, and Niall wasn’t expecting _that_ to come out of Harry’s mouth. 

Instinctively Niall clutches the necklace that’s hanging around his neck, tracing his finger along the pendant. It’s still fresh in Niall’s mind. The whispered words during the last night they had spent together, before Harry muttered those three words that are still ringing in Niall’s ears till now. 

_Harry unclasped the necklace that’s hanging around his own neck, “Allow me,” he said gently as he turned Niall’s body around slightly, before he clasped the necklace’s hook around Niall’s neck._

_“Harry?” Niall asked, confused._

_“It’s for you,” Harry whispered gently into Niall’s ears, putting his arms around Niall’s body making him shiver. Niall leaned back against Harry’s chest and Harry tightened his grip. “So that you can feel me close to your heart, where I should be. So that when you’re there, you’ll always think of me.”_

_Niall choked on his sobs, too overwhelmed to say anything, so he pulled Harry’s face, sealing his thanks with a passionate kiss._

“Do you still love me?” Harry asks, pulling Niall out of his stupor. 

“What?” Niall sputters out, because _what?_

“Do you still love me?” Harry repeats, his gaze firm, boring into Niall’s eyes and Niall swallows thickly. He stares back at Harry and suddenly feels like he’s out of his element. 

“Harry, what-,” 

“I just need an answer, Niall.” Harry cuts Niall off, stepping forward and Niall instinctively backs away, hugging himself because he feels too exposed and doesn’t know what else to do. 

“Harry, stop-,”

“I won’t stop.” Harry cuts him off again. “I just need to know the truth, Niall. I want to know your answer. I waited for you for all those months. I waited but you never called back. You never returned my messages. You pushed me away. You pushed everyone away. You always said that people left you, but in the end, it was _you_ who left me.” 

Niall’s eyes widen at the sudden outburst from Harry. His heart breaks as he looks at the unshed tears in Harry’s eyes, and he feels like a bad guy. He didn’t realize how must he had hurt Harry back then. Niall feels tears prickling in his own eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

Harry shakes his head, exhaling deeply before he starts to talk again. “I know the whole story about you and Amy.”

“What?”

“I bumped into her in New York last month.” Harry says calmly, while Niall can feel his own heart pounding rapidly, bracing himself for whatever comes next out of Harry’s mouth. “She told me that she wasn’t sure about the father of the baby because she had slept with this other guy from Chino too. Except that he was a bad guy, and of course you, being the savior that you were, decided to take the responsibility, didn’t you? You knew about it, didn’t you?” He asks, his tone accusing and Niall can’t help but flinch slightly. 

Niall swallows thickly, not knowing how to explain, how to justify his action back then. Back when he threw everything away because he didn’t want his best friend to end up with a man that she didn’t deserve. Back when he didn’t want the baby to be raised in an abusive environment and decided to step up to the plate even though there was a 50 percent chance that the baby might not even be his. “Harry, I’m sor-,” 

Harry shakes his head before Niall can finish. "I don’t want your apology. It’s too late for that now. I’m past that. Right now, I just want to know about your feelings. About your _true_ feelings.” Harry demands, still fixating his gaze on Niall, and Niall can’t tear his eyes away. Too captivated by Harry’s eyes even after all these years. 

“I still love you, Niall, that’s the thing. I tried to move on, I _tried_. But, it’s always you. I don’t even understand why sometimes, because you made me happy but you also made me sad. I guess when someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that’s when it’s real. That when it’s worth something. That’s when I know you’re worth something.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Harry, don’t.” He warns, his voice cracking slightly under the onslaught of thousands of emotions inside his heart at the moment. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re with Jeff now. We’re not teenagers anymore, this isn’t the same when it was you and Liam. You’re engaged, hell you’re getting married!” 

Harry stares at Niall. “Just, please, just tell me, do you still love me? Just let me know so that I can clear up this mess. I can cancel the whole wedding thing, it’s still not too late, Niall. I just need to know. Just – please-,” Harry pleads. 

There are a million thoughts running inside Niall’s mind at that moment. He closes his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. He knows deep down inside his heart, he still loves Harry. He does, even after all of these years, he really loves Harry and he wants to say it, but he can’t. There’s a voice at the back of his mind that keeps nagging him about how it would be unfair to everyone. It’s unfair to Jeff, to Anne, to Robin. They’re all so happy with the wedding news. What would they think of him? A life ruiner? A wedding crasher? A homewrecker? So he chooses to say what he thinks is right. “I don’t lo-,” Niall mumbles, looking at the ground instead of Harry. 

Harry chuckles humorlessly. “Bullshit.” He spits out and Niall glances up only to see pure rage on Harry’s face. “If you really want to tell me the truth, look me in the eye and say that you don’t love me anymore.”

They both fall silent, staring into each other’s eyes and Niall feels like he’s incapable to say anything coherent anymore. The silence stretches on and gets so uncomfortable that Niall can barely breathe under Harry’s hopeful gaze. His heart squeezes tightly as he swallows thickly, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry," Niall blurts out before pushing himself out of Harry's way, leaving Harry alone and not seeing the single tear that slips out of Harry's eyes. 

 

*****

 

It’s not a surprise when the next day Niall learns that Harry had flown back to New York the first thing in the morning and Niall didn’t even get the chance to see him. It’s a surprise that Niall gets a text message from Harry though, with a simple, _goodbye_ , that makes Niall’s heart breaks, even though he knows he deserves it. For once, Niall feels like it’s a final goodbye from Harry. 

 

*****

 

Harry comes back a week before the wedding for the final preparations. 

They’re in the pub, on their _‘bachelor-hang-out’_ night, as per Louis’ idea because he can’t stop complaining about Harry’s refusal of having a stag night owing to limited time. 

Niall feels a bit weird, restless when he sees Harry, recalling how their last conversation turned out. But Harry’s acting normal. It’s not like Harry’s avoiding him like the plague, but Harry becomes closed off again, and it makes Niall’s heart ache. 

Maybe _that_ night was their closure. Maybe Harry has finally moved on, which means Niall is supposed to do the same.

“Hello, fellas!” Ed’s voice booms through the noise as he stands beside their table. Louis glances up, grinning at the guy. 

“Hello, haven’t seen your face much around lately.” Louis says. 

Ed grins at him, shrugging slightly. “Adult life is consuming my nightlife, Louis. It’s not like you haven’t seen how my work is piling up at the office.” He replies to Louis before he glances at Niall. “It’s an open mic night, want to sing as usual?” 

Niall’s cheeks darken when Harry and Zayn raise their eyebrows at him, and he cowers slightly under their gaze. “Um,” he trails off unsurely. It’s not a secret that he and Louis always spend time at the pub, and Ed is one of the regulars too, except that Harry and Zayn probably don’t know about that judging by their reactions.

“Come on, Niall.” Louis urges and before Niall can say anything, Louis turns to face Harry. “And you too, Harry, maybe you two can sing a duet or something. For the sake of this boring _stag_ night.” 

Niall shakes his head, mentally killing Louis in his mind for suggesting the idea. But to his surprise, Harry stands up first, glancing down at him. “One song?” 

“Yeah, go Niall go.” Louis cheers, and Ed does the same too. Niall really doesn’t want to but Zayn nudges him from the side to encourage him too. Niall glances up, and his gaze lands on Harry’s eyes, waiting for him to answer and of course Niall can’t say no to those those eyes. So naturally he nods, following Harry’s lead to the stage. 

“What do you want to sing?” Harry asks as he flips through the booklet, skimming through the list of songs. 

Niall shrugs. “Whatever you want.” 

Harry nods, before his finger stops at the middle of the list. “Do you know this song?” 

Niall nods, and grabs one of the mics. From his spot, he can see Louis and Zayn cheering for both of them and Niall rolls his eyes. Harry stands beside him, before the music starts and Niall waits for Harry to sing. 

“ _The sun is filling up the room..and I can hear you dreaming…do you feel the way I do right now?_ ”

Niall blinks his eyes rapidly, trying to get rid of the way Harry looks at him when he’s singing. Before he knows it, it’s his turn to sing.

“ _Please don’t stand so close to me..I’m having trouble breathing..I’m afraid of what you’ll see right now..I give you everything I am..all my broken heart beats..until I know you’ll understand.._ ”

Harry stares at him as they sing the chorus and Niall tightens his grip on his mic while repeating over and over again inside his head that it’s just a song. Just a freaking song. 

“ _So I’ll make sure to keep my distance…say ‘I love you’ when you’re not listening..and how long can we keep this up, up, up?_ ” Their voices mingle, and Niall can barely breathe under Harry’s knowing stare. “ _Make sure to keep my distance…say ‘I love you’ when you’re not listening..how long til we call this love, love, love.._ ”

It’s on the way back to their table after they finish that Niall notices how Harry keeps sneaking glances towards him. Suddenly it feels too hot in the pub, like everyone is watching his every move and Niall tries his best not to get lost under Harry’s gaze. 

Niall sips on his drink when they reach their table, staring at Harry’s face briefly before he looks away. “You’re very sweaty.” Niall blurts out, mentally slapping himself for talking nonsense. 

Harry’s eyes widen at first, as if he can’t believe that Niall is directly talking to him, but finally he chuckles, “So are you.” He says, before he continues. “You know, five years ago, I wouldn’t have thought that you’ll sing in front of people like that.” 

Niall shrugs. "People change," he replies simply. 

Harry hums, nodding slightly. “But feelings can’t, can they?” Harry asks, staring right into Niall’s eyes. 

Niall abruptly stands up, startling both Zayn and Louis who were engrossed in their conversation. “I need fresh air.” He gestures towards the exit with his thumb and turns away to leave before anyone can say anything. 

 

*****

 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” 

Niall startles slightly, turning his chair around to look at Louis as his friend leans against the door of the pool house. “Hiding?” Niall asks confusingly. 

Louis steps inside, ignoring Niall’s question as he makes his way towards Niall’s desk, sitting on the edge and eyeing the pile of notes on the desk. “Assignments?” He asks, and Niall nods. “I thought you’re still on a break?” 

Niall shrugs. “Just killing my free time.” He tells Louis, although the real reason is because he wants to distract himself from thinking about Harry. 

Louis squints his eyes, and Niall knows that his friend is perceptive and probably knows the real reason behind his behaviour. He just hopes that Louis won’t bring it up. “I talked to Harry last night, after we left the pub.” 

There goes Niall’s hope to not talk about Harry. He leans against his chair casually, trying to maintain his composure despite his rapidly beating heart at the mention of Harry’s name and by the look Louis is giving him at the moment. “About what?” 

Louis shrugs lightly. “About how he’s feeling before the wedding. About Jeff. About his life. About _you._ ”

“Louis-,” Niall warns, knowing exactly where the conversation is heading. It’s not the first time that Louis has tried to coax him to talk about Harry, and Niall knows it won’t be the last time either. 

“He told me about what happened at the pier.” Louis says simply and Niall’s breath hitches. Louis doesn’t wait for Niall to say anything before he continues, his gaze piercing into Niall’s eyes. “Sometimes I don’t understand you, Niall. For such a smart kid, you sure are an idiot.” 

Niall rubs his hands over his face, sighing deeply. “It’s complicated, Louis.” 

“It’s not.” Louis says firmly. “He was so down about it, Niall. So _lost._ ” He pauses, staring into Niall’s eyes. “But I think he’s feeling a bit better now.” 

“Why? What did you tell him?” Niall asks curiously.

Louis shakes his head, ignoring Niall’s question. "I know you have this thought that everyone you love will leave you, but to be honest, they're not, Niall. I'm not leaving you. Anne and Robin won't. _Harry_ would never."

"Louis-," Niall croaks out, shaking his head and glancing down to the floor, not wanting to listen to any of Louis’ words anymore. 

"No, listen to me. Just - listen, okay?" Louis says firmly, leaning his body slightly to grab Niall’s shoulder, making him look up again. "You can run away all you want, but you can't run away from your own feelings Niall. The more you run, the more they will chase you back. No matter how hard you try.” 

Niall remains silent, tears his gaze away from Louis and stares out the large window instead. Louis drops his hands from Niall’s shoulder, sighing quietly. “I told Harry that he needs to trust his instinct. His feelings. I hope you can do the same thing.” Louis says, bending down slightly and kissing Niall’s forehead gently. It’s a rare display of affection, especially from Louis. Niall has to blink his eyes rapidly, trying to not get emotional over Louis’ words and action. 

Niall tosses and turns in his bed that night, thinking about what Louis had said. He stares at the necklace in his hand, gently caressing the pendant with his thumb, remembering all the memories that come along with the precious necklace. He doesn’t know how long he was lost inside his head, but he finally closed his eyes. “You don’t always get what you want,” he whispers quietly. He clutches the necklace tightly for one last time, before he puts it inside the drawer and rolls under his duvet again. He keeps repeating the same mantra until he falls into a restless sleep. _Say I love you when you’re not listening._

 

*****

 

Louis is mad at him, Niall knows that. “I’m disappointed in you, Niall. I thought you’re not a coward.” Louis told him the morning of Harry’s wedding day. 

Niall ignores him. Louis doesn’t understand. Niall loves Harry, yes, it seems as simple as that. But it’s not. It’s complicated. Louis doesn’t understand that Niall is torn between his want for Harry’s happiness and his want for the whole Twist family’s happiness. 

Niall tries his best to muster a smile as he watches the guy he loves getting ready to marry someone else. Niall’s eyes catches Zayn’s, as his friend is watching him worriedly, knowing full well about Niall’s true feelings. And Niall pretty much wants to keep it that way. 

By noon, the guests are already filling their seats, as Niall follows Zayn’s lead to the front row. If he was given a choice, he wouldn’t even want to sit there. He can’t bear standing near Harry as he watches the love of his life being taken away by someone else. He just can’t. 

“Are you okay?” 

Niall turns his head to his right, trying to smile at Zayn. He’s grateful for Zayn for always caring about him, but right now, Niall doesn’t know if he needs that comfort. Despite that, he just nods, not wanting Zayn to worry more about him. 

It’s a little bit of a blur for Niall until he hears the priest start to talk and Niall swallows a big lump in his throat, trying his best to maintain his composure. He keeps fidgeting in his seat, not knowing whether he should just leave and spare himself the heart break. But he knows he can’t do that. He doesn’t want to ruin Harry’s wedding day. He can’t be selfish. 

“Do you, Harry Edward Styles, take this man, Jeffrey Dean Pierce, to be your husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, as long as you both shall live?” 

It’s when the priest asks the question to Harry that Niall feels bile rising in his throat. 

“I don’t.” 

Niall’s eyes widen. _What?_ He watches as Harry turns around, there are tears rolling down his cheeks as he looks at the guests. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” 

“Harry-,” Anne tries to step forward to calm her son but Harry shakes his head. 

Niall’s frozen at the spot when Harry’s eyes land on him. Their eyes lock for a moment and Niall can barely hear the murmurs of the guests over the thumping beat inside his heart. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m in love with Niall.”

Niall can’t breathe when he feels all eyes staring at him after Harry’s declaration. There are too many thoughts going on in his mind making him feel suffocated. He shakes his head, standing up abruptly when Harry starts to step off the altar in order to get to him. He can’t believe this is happening. 

So he does what he does best. 

He turns around and runs.

 

*****

 

“Niall, can I come in?” 

Niall’s heart pounds nervously as he walks over to the door, opening it to see Anne standing there. She looks calm, but so _eerily_ calm that Niall can’t help but swallow thickly. 

Anne lets herself in, standing in the middle of the pool house, while Niall takes a seat on the edge of his bed. He clenches the sheet tightly, waiting for Anne to say something, probably yell at him. But Anne just stare at him silently, and Niall’s anxiety shoots through the roof. “I’m sorry, I know you’re mad at me, I can explain.” 

Anne crosses her arms over her chest. “I _am_ mad at you. I trusted you.” 

Niall feels like he wants to cry. He betrayed Anne’s trust, and as usual, he’s messed everything up. He blinks back his tears. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, because what else is he supposed to say? 

He feels the bed dip with Anne’s weight beside him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or Robin?” Anne asks. Her tone is still calm and Niall feels like he doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be yelled at. “Since when has this thing between you and Harry been going on?” 

Niall swallows thickly. “A few months after I moved here.” He tells Anne. “It was on and off, and I didn’t -, I begged him not to tell you guys, I’m sorry. It was all my fault.” 

Anne sighs. “I’m disappointed in you, Niall.” 

Niall’s heart drops. “I know,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I felt like I’ve taken advantage of your kindness and I’m so sorry. If you want me to leave now-,” he says, starting to stand up but Anne grabs his hand, pulling him down to sit again. 

“Listen to me, Niall. I’m disappointed in you not because you and Harry fell in love.” 

“What? I’m not in-,”

Anne shakes her head, cutting Niall off before he can finish. “Yes, you are, I could see it, but I couldn’t pinpoint it out, because neither of you were saying anything.” Anne tells Niall. She holds Niall’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Harry told me everything just now.” Anne says, and Niall closes his eyes. Now that the truth is out there, he doesn’t know how Anne can still talk to him like this. He knows he has let Anne down. 

“I always had this gut feeling about you two, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to scare you. And you two never said anything.” Anne continues. “It’s impressive. Harry usually tells me everything and I’m quite disappointed he didn’t tell me earlier.” 

“It wasn’t his fault.” Niall insists and Anne nods understandingly. 

“I know. And I’m disappointed in you too because I thought you trusted me. I thought I’m good enough to be your mother.” 

Niall’s eyes widen as he glances up to look at Anne. “You’re more than enough, Anne. You’re more of a mother to me than-,”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about how you _really_ feel?” Anne says and before Niall can reply, she continues. “You know, a mother always want her children to be happy, to be safe. In case you forgot, Harry is not my only son now, you are too.” 

Niall can’t hold back his tears any longer, shaking his head. “Anne-,” he trails off, not knowing what else to say. It’s all too overwhelming. 

Anne smiles at him, grabbing his hands in her palms. “If being with Harry makes you happy, makes both of you happy, what’s stopping you?” 

Niall shakes his head. “I can’t do that to you, you guys have done so much for me, I can’t ruin your family.” He says, before quietly adding, “I don’t want you or Robin to hate me.” _To leave me._

Anne wipes his tears, shaking her head. “You’re not ruining anything, honey. And nobody is going to hate you, Niall. Not Robin, and definitely not me. In fact, we feel completely the opposite. I’ve grown to love you, we all do. Especially Harry. You fit seamlessly into our family, Niall.” 

Niall’s having a hard time believing his ears, and he’s about to protest but Anne gives him a stern look and his words die in his throat. 

“I know that you always think your family background defines who you are, Niall, but it doesn’t. You’re your own person. This nice young man who’s been forced to grow up before he’s supposed to, and it’s not right.” Anne says, pausing slightly. “Whether you like it or not, you’re family now, Niall. Family doesn’t end with blood. We aren’t going to leave you just because you think you’re making a mistake. We love you unconditionally. Trust me, you won’t get rid of us that easily.” 

Niall stares at Anne, “Thank you,” he says, sniffling slightly and Anne smiles at him, before pulling him into her hug. “Can you please, for once, put your own happiness, before anyone else?” Anne pleads. “This is not about _my_ future or anyone else’s future, it’s about yours. So chase your own happiness, okay?” 

Niall nods against Anne’s shoulder. He has some major apologizing to do.

 

*****

 

Niall steps inside the room hesitantly, and his gaze lands on Harry, who’s standing by the balcony with his back to Niall and Niall doesn’t really know how to start. “Hey.” 

Harry doesn’t turn around, he doesn’t even flinch at Niall’s voice, as if he was expecting Niall to come looking for him. “What are you doing here?” 

Niall swallows thickly at Harry’s monotone voice. “I-,” Niall trails off. “I came to apologize.” 

“You know, it’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you still love them with every broken piece of it.” Harry still doesn’t turn but his words are enough to make Niall’s heart clench painfully. 

Niall blinks back his tears as he hears the misery in Harry’s voice. He’s the cause of it. He needs to fix this. “I was foolish,” Niall starts. “I kept lying to myself about my own feelings. Maybe I’m just scared to face something I feel and it’s easier to walk away.” Niall admits truthfully. 

This time, Harry turns around and Niall can’t stop staring at him. There are dark smudges under Harry’s eyes and Niall’s guilt skyrockets. 

“Or maybe you’re just selfish, Niall. You keep having this mental picture that you’re better off alone but you forget that you can’t push people away like that. You forget that other people have feelings too. You closed your heart, you wouldn’t let anyone in, you wouldn’t even let _me_ in. I thought we had something special. I thought _I_ was special.” 

Niall wraps his arms around himself, looking at everything but Harry. He’s too ashamed of himself and of what he has done. Of what he has put Harry through. “I’m so sorry,” Niall croaks out and doesn’t even realize when the tears pour out but he wipes them away quickly. He doesn’t have the right to cry over this. Harry’s right, he’s truly selfish.

The dead silence after that is too deafening for Niall. It’s clear that nothing else he can say can make Harry forgive him. He has a feeling that he doesn’t even deserve to ask for forgiveness from Harry, so he turns around but before he can walk away, Harry grabs his arm, turning Niall around to face him again and pulling him close until they’re standing toe to toe. 

“I take it back,” Harry says gently as he stares at Niall. “You’re not selfish, Niall. It’s just, your weakness is that you care _too_ much. You always think about people, always taking care of people, but you don’t even stop to think about yourself.” Harry says, cupping Niall’s face with his hands. 

“I’m just scared.” Niall whispers quietly, but he knows by their close proximity that Harry can hear him. 

“Scared of what?” 

Niall closes his eyes, taking a deep shaky breath. “I’m scared that if I let you in, you’ll leave me. Everyone else did.” 

“How can I convince you that I’m not everyone else?” Harry says gently. “We won’t leave you, Niall. _I_ won’t leave you.” 

Niall chokes back his sob, nodding. “I know that now.” He says, remembering Anne’s words, and Louis’ too. He was just too blind to see it before but now he knows. 

Harry steps closer towards Niall. “Can you trust me? Can you let me in?” Harry asks, leaning his forehead against Niall’s. “For once, let me take care of you, okay?” 

Niall doesn’t know what he has done to be blessed with this kind of love from Harry. Niall’s tears spring out of his eyes at the sincerity of Harry’s words, and he notices Harry’s eyes are filled with unshed tears too. Niall’s heart burst with such emotion that he finally grabs for Harry as if he’s a drowning man and slots their lips together in a fast, thoughtful and energized kiss. His tears make their lips wet - his eyes are shut and his breathing is harsh. His hold on Harry’s shoulders is tight and he doesn’t ever want to let go. 

He can’t help but smile against Harry’s mouth as both of their tears meet over their connected lips. 

Somehow, almost as fast as lightning and thunder and rain, they end up on a bed, playfully nipping at one another’s lips as their hands tear at each other’s clothing, soft and gentle, easy and careful, until they’re both bare in every way that counts, mind and body and soul, pressing against one another. 

Their bodies are hot and cold all at once; Niall’s hands glide over Harry’s sweaty bareness and Harry’s fingers grapple at every little piece of Niall they can. Niall is vibrating with rock hard love and affection and adoration, and everything is magnified, intensified and adrenalized, as Harry’s fingers move in and out at a slow pace that matches the rate their tongues curling around each other.

It’s weird and enthralling in a way that makes the stars and moon shine impossibly brighter; Harry is Niall’s sun, Niall’s steady rock and loving security and cheering motivation to be everything he wants to be. 

Niall knew from the first moment they met that it was going to be Harry. He _knew_. It wasn’t love at first sight, per se, but more like warm familiarity. Harry’s presence comforts him. 

And it’s awful that it has taken Niall _years_ to realize that Harry’s a work of art that only he can understand. 

Harry moves his fingers, hitting a spot inside Niall that has him mewling words from his mouth, and the first thing he says is, “I love you. I love you so much, Harry.” 

Harry stills, and Niall’s scared that maybe he messed up, maybe this is the official end of them because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but when he looks down at Harry and he sees that he’s smiling, so big and bright and glimmering, as if the stars and moons and planets have all aligned for them because ― because Harry is Niall’s world and he tastes the universe whenever they kiss. 

“Say it again, Ni.” 

Harry slips his fingers out, prepares himself with a thoughtful amount of lubrication before edging closer, rubbing his tip along Niall’s entrance, and words fall from Niall’s mouth, messed and wrecked and muffled but so, so true and real and complete. 

Niall’s never felt so full of anything before. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Now that he’s said it he can’t stop; can’t stop voicing his love, can’t stop whispering it in Harry’s ear as Harry nibbles on Niall’s chin playfully, can’t stop doodling the words into Harry’s back, can’t stop moaning them as Harry hits his prostate, rocking their worlds and causing their universes to collide and create a spectacular alternate dimension of tasteful love. 

And it’s when Harry says it back, hoarse and drawn-out and full of adoration as he sobs atop Niall, that Niall loses it all, falls into the big black hole, gripping Harry tight and taking him along for the ride as well. 

It’s always been Harry. It’s never not been Harry. And Niall’s glad he realized that before their universes drifted apart forever.

 

*****

_**A year later..** _

Niall walks off the podium with a happy grin, eyes glancing around until they land on a woman who is smiling wide at him. 

“Mom?” Niall calls out happily, almost tripping on his graduation robe as he jogs towards his mother. She comes forward, beaming at him. “Congratulations, honey. I’m so happy for you.”

Niall pulls his mother into a hug, burying his face against the crook of her neck. If he thought that he would be mad at her after all of those years, he was wrong. She looks better than the last time he saw her and he couldn’t be happier with the progress. “What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn’t come.” Niall asks, still confused. The last time when they were on the phone, his mother didn’t mention anything about coming to his graduation day. 

His mother smiles at him, glancing over his shoulder. “There’s someone who kept insisting for me to come, I guess I just fell into his charm like you did.” 

Niall blushes, turning around slightly to look at Harry, along with Anne and Robin, and also Louis, grinning back at him and waving from a few feet away. “Go, he’s waiting for you.” His mother urges, pushing Niall away slightly. 

Niall laughs, too happy to argue before he pulls his mother towards the others. He hugs all of them too, until it’s Harry’s turn and Harry pulls him into a kiss instead. Niall wraps his arm around Harry’s neck, bringing his face closer. Harry’s lips feels smooth, as they always do and he whispers airily against Niall’s lips, “Congratulations, baby.” It’s quiet, as the words are only meant to be heard by Niall and Niall feels his heart almost burst out of his ribs. He’s certain that his cheeks flustered from the nickname given by his boyfriend. It was hard to accept in the beginning, but Harry was so persistent that Niall finally let him call him that, just for the two of them. 

Louis coughs loudly making them pull away from the kiss and Niall has to hide his blushing face in the crook of Harry’s shoulder.

It’s a blur of activities for Niall after they leave the graduation ceremony. Anne insists for them to take lots of family photos before she drags them all to the hotel for a graduation party. Niall starts to protest but she shushes him up with her gaze and suddenly Niall feels like he’s seventeen again and shuts his mouth. Harry laughs at him, pulling him closer and kissing his forehead. “Don’t argue with mum, just let her do what she likes to.”

So that’s how Niall ends up chatting with lots of people at the party, and he’s still talking to one of his mates when suddenly Harry appears beside him. “May I borrow this one, gentlemen?”

Niall follows Harry’s lead to the doors leading to the garden, and raises his eyebrows confusingly when Harry stops walking in the middle of the garden, and turns to face him. “Harry?”

“Do you remember how we first met?” Harry asks, staring into Niall’s eyes. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, my clumsy ass bumped into you.”

Harry chuckles, grabbing both of Niall’s hands into his. “Do you remember the first thing that I said to you?” 

Niall nods again, grinning slightly. “Yeah, you asked me who I was.”

“And what was your answer?”

“Whoever you want me to be.” 

Harry smiles, satisfied with Niall’s answer. “So, who are you _now_?” 

Niall grins, “Whoever you want me to be,” he repeats cheekily.

Harry smiles, just staring into Niall silently, and Niall’s lost under the stare, until Harry starts to speak up again. “I want you to be with me when my hands can’t stop shaking and I can no longer hold the camera, I want you to be with me when I’m good and when I’m bad, when I’m healthy and when I’m sick.” Harry says staring right into Niall’s eyes. “I want you to be with me for the rest of my life.”

Niall’s eyes widen at Harry’s words. “Harry-,” he trails off, unsure on how to respond. Harry has never said things like this before, not even during his cheesiest moment sometimes. 

Before Niall can say anything more, Harry suddenly kneels on the ground, and pulls out a black box from his pocket. "I want you to be my husband, Niall James Horan, will you marry me?"

"Oh my god." Niall gapes in surprise.

Suddenly the garden gets illuminated by lights and Niall can hear cheers behind him. There’s a loud sound of Louis’ whistle, and “say yes!” as Anne hollers and he thinks he hears his own mother chanting for him too. 

Niall bursts into happy tears as he looks down at Harry, before he finally nods. “Yes, of course, _yes_ , I want to be your husband.”

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the scenes I used/inspired by:  
>  **  
> **  
> [first scene where Niall called Robin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=1&v=wfAy1tha99I)  
>  **  
> **  
> [scene where Niall went back to an empty house](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nDDzmMNF28)  
>  **  
> **  
> [almost fight scene at the juvie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfAy1tha99I)  
>  **  
> **  
> [stealing car scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA_z-HGM34M)  
>  **  
> **  
> [Niall's mom leaving him for the second time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLm9GD5gO78)  
>  **  
> **  
> [Niall met Robin the first time in juvie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkmYznYZ3lI)  
> 


End file.
